Oh Lord. Who knew that stripper-gate would be the scandal of our generation? Somewhere Richard Nixon is laughing his arse off at all of this. I gave up wishing the ladies of Real Housewives of New Jersey would go away in the off season, but doesn't it sound like such a nice break?
We'll probably never know exactly what happened between Melissa Gorga and sister-in-law Teresa Giudice. To be honest, I don't even care anymore. At all. Of course, the women think we do, so they're going to keep talking about until the next big drama occurs. You do realize that means we'll be hearing about this until the show airs again, right? That's kind of a long way off from now. Yikes.
I know you're waiting with baited breath, so I'll get right to the point of this post. Melissa takes to her Bravo blog to answer her fans' most burning questions. It's deep y'all!
Tonight is the FINAL, final episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. After a season of constant turmoil I need a vacation, some PTS therapy, and a long hiatus from family drama not my own.
Tonight's episode will explore the final meltdown of a family who has been destroyed by reality TV. Tonight the husbands take the stage and the Joews will battle to expose each other as the sleaziest, grossest, and worst husband! Lord only knows how that will turn out but my money is on Juicy Giudice getting dirty.
But that's for all of you tireless crusaders who constantly harangue me with your belief that I'm secretly the president of the Teresa fan club and are immune to any sort of reason or logic called reading that may clear up that misconception.
Anyway, back to the daily vomit of Jersey. So, Teresa's marriage is all about the business of the media these days ever since Joe Giudice's cheating became a storyline. The National Enquirer (which is surprisingly not so unbelievable) reports that Juicy's latest mistress has been discovered. I know – I couldn't believe he was cheating with Caroline Manzo either!
It's not enough for theReal Housewives of New Jersey to "entertain" us with a three-part reunion. Oh no, we have to be faced with all of them in the media on every single day of the week. I'm going back and forth like a pair of windshield wipers in a monsoon, that's for sure. After the second installment of the reunion, I'm just in shock. I was mortified and humiliated for Teresa Giudice for every second that Juicy Joe was on that couch. I was sick that Jacqueline Laurita called out such personal things in their marriage, but I honestly think she was provoked. Shame on both of them.
Melissa Gorga is every bit as manipulative as her sister-in-law, which I've always believed. Again, she's just so much better at learning to keep her mouth shut to play the victim. Kathy Wakile has her baked goods, so I'm happy for her. I've never come out and said it (and I'm ready for the backlash…kind of…sort of…maybe), but Caroline Manzo doesn't bother me. I get when people say she's too into her grown kids, and I understand that she may play the matriarch card to a ridiculous degree. However, do I think she's a bully? Not entirely. I just think she has a very low tolerance for BS. Y'all can call it saving face (and maybe it is, what do I know?), but I think she has been nothing but rational and even-keeled during this train wreck of a reunion. When Teresa started bowing down on the table, thanking God that her former friends were out of her life, I couldn't believe what I was watching. Bravo will probably enlist Dr. Sophy next, mark my words. Perhaps the world is ending with the Mayan calendar…
So, after an ill-fated extra hour on Andy Cohen's sofas, the women have retreated to their multi-media outlets to wage battle once again. Whether it's Twitter, their personal web sites, or gossip blog interviews, it seems a lot easier to spew the hate when no one is screaming across the set. They're all doing it, don't get me wrong…but Teresa has had some gems in the last twenty-four plus hours.
Here's the conclusion I've come to regarding Real Housewives of New Jersey. Before the show, these women were nothing but actual Housewives – and they gossiped and talked about each other, themselves, their friends and family. They've known each other a long time and the past runs deep.
I'm positive they've confessed things to each other and about each other that they never thought would see the light of day on national TV. And even more so I imagine they can't even remember half of what they said to each other and so it's a constant cycle of backtracking, justifying, and irrational behavior.
This makes them all liars. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. Them. Not calculated liars, but circumstantial ones. But because none of them can behave like human beings they all look bad.
I'm positive all the anti- Teresa Giudice people are going to say I'm a biased for saying this, but who cares (to quote Juicy Giudice). I feel bad for her and this show has destroyed her life. Just as Jacqueline Laurita is not cut out for this, neither is Teresa. I recently watched some clips of S1 and S2 and she is a completely different woman. Teresa has lost her light and has become severe and harsh. This show has consumed her – and it's really unflattering.
I'll be the first to admit that I finally took a stand on my feelings for Real Housewives of New Jersey'sTeresa Giudice after watching that horrid first installment of the reunion. Now I may be eating my words…just a bit. A very little bit. I still don't feel sorry for her, and I think I may keel over if I ever hear her utter the words "I was wrong" or "I lied." However, now I don't feel badly for any of them. They are all a bunch of fame whores as evidenced by the new Us Weekly cover story. You have to love that they're all wearing red. I guess they got Tre's devil memo!
You have to love the hypocrisy that comes with being a New Jersey housewife. One minute Jacqueline Laurita, Caroline Manzo, Melissa Gorga, and Kathy Wakile are calling out Teresa for hawking her story on magazine cover after magazine cover (after magazine cover!), the next minute they are gracing the pages of Us Weekly (high brow…no In Touch for these gals!) and bashing their former friend. Eye roll.
In a five page spread, the women spill all the details of their fallout with Tre. Now, I don't doubt for one second that Teresa is a textbook narcissist, but how is moaning about her in a national publication going to change that? Are these ladies actually expecting her to have some sort of epiphany and change her ways? Doesn't anyone know how to take the high road anymore? Geez. Build a bridge, people!
Oh, Teresa Giudice. Didn't your very sweet mama ever teach you that if you don't have anything nice to say, zip it? I'm guessing that old-fashioned adage came before the era of reality TV! In the days following the first installment of the circus of crazy known as the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, all eyes are on the ladies as they scramble to defend their deplorable behavior.
In a Bravo blog I'm suuuuure she wrote herself, Teresa sorta, maybe, kinda, a little bit takes accountability while also pointing fingers at others. Just to be fair – all the ladies are behaving similarly! Let's get this started.
"Like every Housewife in every city, I think filming the reunion is one of the worst parts of our job. It's a long, long day, it always gets ugly, it's hard to sit through and even harder to watch. At least this year I knew what I was walking into: I knew the other cast members, even my family, were going to band together to bash me. Last year was a total shock. This year was just sickening and sad."
"They're so desperate to make me look bad. Here's the thing: I don't care. I know who I am and I don't need to prove it to any of them. And I'm certainly not going to waste my off-camera, family time looking up words in the dictionary and making obsessive lists about them."
Hey y'all! It's time for your daily Teresa Giudice round-up! So in today's exhaustive report we'll discuss how Teresa is possibly getting a spinoff, how she never yanked Melissa Gorga's arm at a children's birthday party, and how she had a breakdown following the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion. We've also got some EXCLUSIVES from our source on Teresa's possible spinoff and her brother-in-law, who seems like quite the scandalmonger.
Oh – and Jacqueline Laurita is all on the tweeter again (I swear she's the internet's number one twit) responding to Teresa'saccusations on Anderson Live yesterday. If you recall, Teresa accused Jacqueline of sending her harassing texts and mentioned she wanted to go to the cops because it gave her chills. Well if Teresa can go to the cops, Jacqueline can too! So HA!