So last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was, dare I say it, fun! And positive. I was clearly watching the wrong show. Or I fell into the Twilight Zone.
While Teresa Giudice and Poison are practicing their "I Feel" statements with Dr. V in the anti-psychotic chamber, the rest of the crew (with Caroline Manzonow in attendance!) is discussing Jacqueline Laurita. Yes, Teresa blames Jacqueline for the Mayan Calendar failing to drop a house on Melissa Gorga's head. And yes, Jacqueline blames Teresa for her spontaneous combustion which left nothing but some wine corks and a pile of old tweets on Chris' pillow.
So anyway, Jacqueline is here in spirit. Evil spirit!
After Dr. V convinces Teresa and Poison they need to like spend time together not arguing and everyone hugs, Melissa comes in. I was really confused about when Tammy Faye Baker was cast on RHONJ, but there she was sitting there with Dr. V and Poison tearing up and refusing to take responsibility for anything. Huh… OH – wait – that was just Teresa with the worst, most ridiculous eye makeup ever. Seriously, she is so much prettier without the crazy eyelashes and the bad weave.
In the latest installment of the feud that just goes and on and on my friend (this is the feud that never ends), Teresablogs about how the retreat went from bad to worse and then maybe better? Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps…
"There are no words. No words. I wouldn’t wish this situation on my worst enemy," Teresa begins.
"This was not a fun episode to watch mostly because I was hearing the things my family was saying about me behind my back for the first time," Teresa continues. "Richie, really? Melissa [Gorga], really? This is how you talk behind closed doors? You see how me and my husband talk. No bashing. Never have."
Discussing how it's hard to re-watch the drama after the fact, Kathy explains, "It scratches the surface again and that hurt keeps coming up. It’s hard to watch it because you’re like, ‘Oh my God—that’s what we look like.’ Sometimes it’s about the hurt and not about the actions that make is so bad. And we’ve come so far that you don’t want that to suck you back in."
She adds, "You have to rise above it and say, ‘Okay, I’m glad I’m not there anymore.’ It’s easy to add negativity because you now see what the other party was saying and you can easily start saying things and falling into that trap. You start reliving those patterns so you’re really not in a better place if you allow yourself to do the same things. Then you really haven’t learned anything."
Melissa says that last night's brawl was ten years in the making and herJoe just couldn't keep the floodgates from bursting open, "Ten years of hurt and anger in my husband just exploded. He had reached his breaking point. Joe Giudice immediately demanded an apology when his wife was called “scum.” I wonder how he would have reacted if his wife were called, say, “stripper,” “cheater,” “skank ass beotch,” or “horsey face.” The fight was about anger, frustration, and resentment. We held it in for so long that eventually we just broke down and couldn’t take it anymore. What Joe was trying to explain to his family is that when you speak negatively about his wife, it is disrespecting him."
Things begin with a sauced up and (spray on hair'd up) Joe Gorga charging the brother-in-law who destroyed his life, Joe Giudice. These people are the living embodiment of a soap opera, only not as devious and calculating. Except for Melissa… So anyway, Poison charges at Juicy and unfortunately Juicy immediately drops him and begins punching him.
Poor Melissa Gorga leaps on top of Juicy to try and pry him away from her precious little husbanito. "Teresa, help your brother!" she screams.
Teresa Giudice is gonna help alright – girlfriend is grabbing her purse, hightailing it out of there, and telling the producers to call the cops. Fire up that party bus cause mama is fleeing the coop! Just kidding, a panicked Teresa bellows to someone to call the cops. Doesn't Juicy have enough felonies?! Do not call the cops, but do get the mace! Or at least some Fabellini to subdue these people.
Back inside fight club, it takes all of the remaining Gorgadice (and Wallpaper) family members to pry Juicy off of Poison. Or Poison off Juicy – I really couldn't tell who was up and who was down at that point, except Melissa, who was shrieking and scratching.
Jacqueline sums up the issues and any hope between Teresa Giudice andJoe Gorga, "That's why there's so much intense feelings because there's so much hurt there, but so much love there, too."
On Joe Giudice's autism comments on last week's episode of RHONJ: "I know a lot of people got hard on Joe for the autism comment but I know Joe and i think he was acknowledging the brains and the intelligence in a lot of children on the spectrum but I think he just has a lack of knowledge of how much time and attention and focus it is and work in terms of raising a child with special need. I think he just doesn't really know but he just saw them as very intelligent which is very true but you know I think he just didn't realize what he was saying."
Dang someone is getting more chances than Lindsay Lohan and his name is Joe Giudice!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey star's trial for identity fraud has been postponed yet again and this time the official re-set date is October 28th! Joe's trial was supposed to begin last week but his attorney was detained on a murder case that ran long so he petitioned to have the date pushed back. The prosecution, who is ready despite finding new evidence against Joe, was fine with the delay.
Just a reminder, Joe is charged with "wrongfully using identifying information of another person, a second-degree crime carrying 10 years in prison, and forgery, a fourth-degree crime that carries an 18-month maximum prison sentence. He is currently free on $50,000 bail."
Now, the women bring out the worst in each other (how cringe-worthy was it last week when Jacq was screeching on the phone in the middle of that boutique?), and the claws come out both on the show and on social media.
This week in her Bravo blog, Jacqueline addresses why she didn't check herself into that insane asylum go on that retreat and responds to Joe Guidice's comments about autism not being a bad disease since some sufferers end up being scientists. That Joe–he's got a way with words, doesn't he?