I generally like to keep my problems away from water, but I guess that’s not the case with the Real Housewives of New Jerseywho took their fighting to a Rock of Love level when things got dramatic in and around the hot tub of horrors. Sadly Bret Michaels did not arrive to bust into a hair metal anthem. #why? Luckily there were sequins. As one of our twitter followers pointed out, you can cut a bitch with a sequined bikini. Where do they buy these things?
So there they all were in some insanely hideous bikinis, hair and make-up done up to the nines, guzzling wine by the gallon, and shrieking at each other like mongooses so that it echoed through the vineyards of Napa and awoke a dreaming Vivendi Wine owner in his sleep. ‘Oh, no… ‘ he thought… ‘The meerkats have gotten into the grapes again.’ Nope, just some delusional women embarrassing themselves on national TV! Grapes are fine, viewers of RHONJ not so much! Pack your alibis and let’s go!
We here at Reality Tea are often just shocked to the gills by the antics of reality stars. From the products they shamelessly hawk to the ridiculous relationships to the epic fights to the hilarious outfits – the fun never stops! With all the insanity reverberating from every corner of every network, low-budget to high, we’ve often wondered… which crazy would you rather?
If you must marry a Real Househusband what’s your poison? Is it Jailtime Joe Giudice of the felony charges, drunken buffoon persuasion or Tareq Salahi of the White House crashing, pathological lying, fake charity persuasion. Hey – they’re both bankrupt!
A) Be married to Real Housewives of DC loser Tareq – who may or may not sell your underwear on eBay and report your every menstrual cycle and calorie consumption to TMZ. Oh yeah – he’ll also buy you a pony and take it away!
B) Be married toReal Housewives of New Jersey loser Juicy – who may or may not call you a c-u-next-tuesday on national TV, while farting in your face and telling you it smells like rotten eggs. He’ll also probably get drunk and puke on your sparkly dress and cuss at your kids!
Oh, sweet mercy – that’s a tough one! (insert evil laugh here). Give your answer below and don’t forget to spread the fun!
I swear Teresa Giudice has said a million times that her husband Joe Giudice doesn’t do Twitter. Aaaahhh… what’s another lie to a Giudice! Apparently he does! Taking to Twitter yesterday Juicy defended himself against the allegations of cheating following the shocking phone call captured on last Sunday’s Real Housewives of New Jersey.
It turns out Le Juicy has a lot of gems on Twitter. And yes, he threatened to bust someone in the face. He’s like the Mr. T of reality TV, except all trash no class!
First of all, from way back when, Juicy dispelled this amazing classic: “So RHONJ comes back on tonight. All the cattiness with other women resurfaces once again.Some people are just jealous. And its not my wife.”
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE REST OF THE JUICY MAYHEM!
After this past episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, I am sure Napa was beyond ready to bid farewell to the crazy crew. From name calling to doing the dirty grape style, it was all just to much for me. Also, I never needed to see Joe Gorga in nasty, tight boxer briefs. Have these people no shame?
We all know the main drama occurred when Juicy Joe Giudice had some choice names for his wife Teresa while on the phone with “a business contact.” Not surprisingly, Teresa takes to her blog (and the cover of In Touch–go figure!) to share her pain.
Ahhhh… New Jersey, where class goes to die. Oh, I joke! What I should say isReal Housewives of New Jersey– where class goes to die. So Chris Laurita tried to be all sophisticated-like and invite these imbeciles to a vineyard he is hoping to sign a business deal with. So, just read that sentence back to yourself again and then pause – no logic, right? Well, I guess he needed Bravo to expense his business trip.
This episode had a lot going on from friendship and family drama to marital discord, but the important thing, the crazy thing, the most ridiculous thing was Joe Giudice andAlbert Manzo‘s highly intense discussion about KFC. Was there or was there not a KFC on some street, in some random Jersey suburb?! There they are on a bus bitching about biscuits. This warrants a very terse and snippy discussion peppered with F-bombs and lots of ‘I ate extra crispy every day dammit, I know where the bleeping KFC is dumb a$$.’ “You’re a loser!” Albert yells. Yeah… grown men over there!
Tonight is an all-new episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. We’ve been hearing for weeks about Joe Giudice‘s explosive phone call when he is captured on film referring toTeresa Giudice as his “bitch wife” among other things. Well, tonight it finally makes it on air!
Teresa recently appeared on the cover of In Touch Weekly, where she vowed to leave Joe if he was caught cheating and claimed Le Juicy one is “sorry” for his actions. Anyone see any pigs flying lately? Oh yeah… me either!
Well Reality Tea’s source tell us EXCLUSIVELY that Joe’s is anything but sowry and is tired of being second fiddle to Teresa’s RHONJ success. Those Giudices really make a lot of insincere apologies, don’t they?
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE REST OF RT’S EXCLUSIVE!
Cha-ching! Hear that? It’s the sound of Teresa Giudice cashing in on her humiliation with another magazine cover! She’s embarrassed, y’all! If you recall, her husband Juicy Joe calls her a not so nice word on the upcoming episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. He’s such a sweet talker.
As we all know, when Teresa has something to say–anything to say–she heads over to chat with her pals at In Touch Weekly…provided there is a cover up for grabs. And what cover would sell more magazines than one of a distraught and humiliated Teresa talking about her marriage to Juicy? It’s sheer marketing genius.
Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey, the ladies (and their omnipresent hardworking spouses) proved that when push comes to shove and contracts are on the line, they can get along like really, really well. In fact the only people not pasting on their happy faces were Caroline Manzo and husband Albert – who I was surprised to hear speak last night.
Things begin with a wake-up binge drink-a-thon amongst the men. The gang decides they are going surfing despite the freezing cold water and their inebriated state of mind. Everyone except Caroline and Al. They prefer whine to wine. Jacqueline Laurita is also sitting this one out because she feels too fat to wear a wetsuit. Didn’t she have this problem last vacation?
Never willing to spare anyone’s feelings both Teresa Giudice and separated at birth sister-in-law Melissa Gorga both strap on some of their more bodacious, sparkly, and revealing bathing suits. ‘LOOK! I’m not fat!’ they both practically shout. The guys are wiping out left and right when Teresa and Kathy Wakile decide to try out their surfboard skills. Melissa is staying ashore to “keep it sexy,” which apparently equals bedazzled. Very, very bedazzled. Like blindingly so.