Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a pleasant reminder of what this show used to be. You know, when people got along, had fun, and didn’t take every side-eye so seriously they were declaring it a nuclear state of emergency. I mean there was a time when the ladies of RHONJ didn’t spend countless episodes dissecting and cataloging every tabloid edition published in the last year to decipher just how much one said RHONJ hates another said RHONJ.
Oh, yes… that show once existed and I think last night proved it could exist again. Here is my two step plan to eradicating the petty, hateful, and mundane drama on this show: 1) take everyone out of Jersey and give them more to worry about than spray tanning and meatballs 2) Pay them only $1 per season until they agree to get along, act civilized, and go hang out at Chateau kvetching about Danielle Staub. See – not so hard, right?
So the whole gang embarked on a cross-country trek to Napa where the Blk.-meisters were to meet with Vivendi winery for a distribution deal. As Hurricane Irene is raging on the horizon, the packing commences. Everyone feigns concern about leaving their small children at home while they cavort around in the great wild west. Except for Caroline Manzo – she’s bringing her small children with her.
A lot less of Melissa Gorga was ‘on display’ last night as she and husbandJoe Gorga attended the Self Magazine “Rocks The Summer” event at Kiss & Fly in NYC.
Melissa was dressed in an almost-conservative knee length strapless dress as she posed on the red carpet with her angel from God. Joe looks like he’s going to bust out of that shirt! He’s obviously still pumping iron on a daily basis.
All the talk of Teresa Giudice getting a spinoff seems to be unnecessary as the entire plot of Real Housewives of New Jersey revolves around her. For once I don’t believe Teresa is delusional – I mean, everybody is always talking about her, amirite?
Teresa‘s latest Bravo blog addresses former friend turned stalker/nemesis Caroline Manzo‘s crazy comments about Teresa’s marriage and the passive aggressive comments she believes Kathy Wakile made about her cookbook. Hang on, you’re in for a loooong RHONJ post!
“You’d think by now I’d be used to everyone on the show talking about me non-stop every single episode, but I’ll admit I was shocked by Caroline’s comment about my marriage,” Teresa begins.
“Not because I don’t expect her to say nasty things about me and to constantly judge of me — that’s what she does. To quote Audriana‘s favorite movie right now, The Little Mermaid: ‘It’s what she lives for.’ (Caroline does remind me of Ursula, come to think of it…) What shocked me is her hypocrisy.”
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey (brought to us by the Bravo Home Shopping Network) the ladies brought home the bacon while the menfolk sat around the kitchen table gossiping and snarking like old biddies. I applaud the progressive feminist nature of these industrious girls. Except for the one whose husband said he owned her. Yeah, that one needs to take a women’s studies class, stat!
So things begin with Teresa Giudice – or is Joodichee? Our favorite Jersian wordsmith has apparently, once again, forgotten how to pronounce her ever-shifting last name. Teresa’s newest venture is branding herself – I think she should start with having a consistent pronunciation of her own name, but that’s just my suggestion. “Branding” means adding Fabellini to her ever-expanding product repertoire. I swear Teresa makes up these words, Fabulicious, Fabellini, etc because she can’t actually pronounce any real words!
Teresa is in the car with Joe Goodouchée and they are headed to a vineyard, she thinks. Despite the fact that she is now in the wine making business, madame Giuhoochie has no idea where wine comes from or where one goes to taste wine.
Last night on the Real Infomercials of New Jersey the Bravo Home Shopping Network was in full-swing. I see everyone can behave when they’ve got stuff to sell! We’re not stupid, Bravo, we know this was a filler episode designed to get some swag promotion before you hit us with the heavy drama next week. Too bad most of us were too bored to pay attention.
Now there were some positives to this episode. The Gorgas and the Giudices got along and Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga, dare I say it, seemed to be enjoying each other’s company and bonding! I like them getting along and I think it makes better TV. It really is time for both parties to let this feud die; it’s boring, redundant, and both sides are equally at fault.
Other positives, both Melissa and Gia had amazing performances at Beatstock. I know Melissa was lip syncing, but isn’t that standard? I mean doesn’t Britney Spears lip sync at a live performance?
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Everyone get out your violins! Real Housewives of New Jersey’sTeresa Giudice is once again talking about how wronged she’s been…while not directly answering questions and bragging about being famous. Oh, except she’s humble too. Very humble…with white teeth, because, you know, she and Juicy are getting into the teeth whitening business…which is why he isn’t going to court, as he has to attend a seminar on teeth whitening. You know, judges are usually pretty lenient on letting you pick when you do and don’t come to court. My head is spinning already! Read on to see Teresa’s stellar pity party interview with the Daily Beast. She hasn’t done anything wrong, y’all. Nothing!
Tonight, dear readers, you're in for a treat – it's the motherload of Real Housewives of New Jersey posts! We've got it all, but most of all we've got salacious and gory EXCLUSIVES about whose living a lie on national TV. That would be all of them. Oh, we've also got more Caroline Manzo acting like a bulldog. It wouldn't be RHONJ without that!
First up, last week Melissa Gorga hosted a beautiful birthday party for her daughter Antonia. We all saw Melissa getting beautified for a six-year-old's birthday party and then strapping on her best hoochie heels. Melissa admitted that her daughter's parties are always a "lavish" affair.
Are they lavish enough for Kennedy Caroline Armstrong? Likely not. Watching from home, you know Kennedy was thinking "That bitch can't touch me. I had a mother effing horse."
Anyway, our source tells us EXCLUSIVELY that Melissa only throws parties for her daughter and that her Joe Gorga's parents weren't even invited to the party! Is that because it wasn't anywhere near Antonia's real birthday?
"Antonia's party was just for the cameras," our source shares. "Melissa never throws her kids big parties. Her boys have never even had a birthday party. The baby had no 1st birthday and no 2nd birthday party! Not even cake at the house," our source assures us.
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE REST OF OUR EXCLUSIVE!