Tonight is the FINAL, final episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. After a season of constant turmoil I need a vacation, some PTS therapy, and a long hiatus from family drama not my own.
Tonight's episode will explore the final meltdown of a family who has been destroyed by reality TV. Tonight the husbands take the stage and the Joews will battle to expose each other as the sleaziest, grossest, and worst husband! Lord only knows how that will turn out but my money is on Juicy Giudice getting dirty.
But that's for all of you tireless crusaders who constantly harangue me with your belief that I'm secretly the president of the Teresa fan club and are immune to any sort of reason or logic called reading that may clear up that misconception.
Anyway, back to the daily vomit of Jersey. So, Teresa's marriage is all about the business of the media these days ever since Joe Giudice's cheating became a storyline. The National Enquirer (which is surprisingly not so unbelievable) reports that Juicy's latest mistress has been discovered. I know – I couldn't believe he was cheating with Caroline Manzo either!
First of all I have to admit I spend way WAY too much time analyzing the antics of the Housewife. They are an odd specimen, aren't they? And Real Housewives of New Jersey in particular. Although those ladies leave me wanting to turn into Pinot Fabulous Singer and just get sloshied all day, I have to admit they really keep it interesting from the psychological perspective.
Which leads me to last nights FINAL season finale of RHONJ. And out it all came like projectile vomit. Except I was left with way more questions than I had to begin with. I mean will I ever get the answers I'm looking for or will I die questing to know what exactly happened at the infamous S4 Posche Trashion Show? I guess if I can ever manage to get stranded on a desert island with Teresa Giudice I might learn the truth, but until then all I'm left with is an an aneurysm from wonder and a seriously large bill for TherapyByBravo. You're paying for this right @bravo_andy?
It is not often that a Housewives show rivals that of a Shakespearean drama with so many higher level plot points circulating around. I literally feel dizzy. Bravo has truly outdone themselves, but they've also truly over done themselves and I don't think they can ever come back from the edge with this one.
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to give us an hourly play-by-play of their lives. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Teresa Giudice shared the photo above with the caption "#ilovefabellini"!
Well, well… what have we here. Is it Melissa Gorga appearing on the cover of a tabloid, which she undoubtedly got paid to be on, bashing co-star Teresa Giudice? I mean no big right – except for the fact that we just spent an ENTIRE season of Real Housewives of New Jersey discussing how Teresa was a terrible person for doing just that!
Oh my how the tables have turned. Spin, spin, spin Melissa – gotta get that story out. Now, I fully (and I mean FULLY) expect Teresa to be next with some bigger badder media (Extra?, 20/20? People? OPRAH?) hopping out there to do the same, but I just find it very ironic after all Melissa's lambasting about how Teresa was using her friends and families to make money and get attention. Hypocrite or is Teresa just getting what she deserves?
Me thinks Melissa's real annoyance with tabloid-gate was that no one wanted to put her pretty face on the cover of a magazine. Well, except for that free New Jersey weekly. Lady Gorga, anyone? Anyway, now here she is! She's got a story and now she's got a cover. So let's see what Lady Gorga has to say, shall we.
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MELISSA'S TAKE ON STRIPPER-GATE!
Sometimes Real Housewives of New Jersey is the gift that keeps on giving. And sometimes it's the white elephant present that gets passed round and round at the party cause nobody wants to take it home. After last night's episode I have come to deduce two things: 1) That Kim D and the producers are crazy, maniacal, and will do anything for drama – hence setting up both Teresa GiudiceANDMelissa Gorga OR 2) Teresa is the world's best actress, has truly missed her calling, and needs to get on Broadway ASAP.
I'll do my best to remain neutral in this recap because I have my own opinion on what's going on – regardless of what the other members of the RHONJ are attempting to spin. So it's just check my sanity at the door here and suspend my rational thoughts – you know like any good Jersey Housewife!
And I'll also do my best to remain positive, because when it's all said and done this wasn't a bad episode. For the most part everyone was nice to each other, respectful, and got along. Well, except for Richie Wakile who is doing his damnedest to stay relevant and carve himself a niche in the show. More on him in a minute.
Now, believe me when I tell you, I think all of these ladies are a big ol' piece of work. Unless Teresa's involved, it usually takes two people to create drama and tension (I'm looking at you Manzo sisters!), and it is, in my experience, much easier to always turn the other cheek. When I was in college, my mother gave me the best advice when I was stuck in the throes of a manipulative friendship. She said, even if people don't realize it now, and even if it takes several years and you no longer care, crazy always catches up to crazy. She couldn't have been more right.
I generally like to keep my problems away from water, but I guess that’s not the case with the Real Housewives of New Jerseywho took their fighting to a Rock of Love level when things got dramatic in and around the hot tub of horrors. Sadly Bret Michaels did not arrive to bust into a hair metal anthem. #why? Luckily there were sequins. As one of our twitter followers pointed out, you can cut a bitch with a sequined bikini. Where do they buy these things?
So there they all were in some insanely hideous bikinis, hair and make-up done up to the nines, guzzling wine by the gallon, and shrieking at each other like mongooses so that it echoed through the vineyards of Napa and awoke a dreaming Vivendi Wine owner in his sleep. ‘Oh, no… ‘ he thought… ‘The meerkats have gotten into the grapes again.’ Nope, just some delusional women embarrassing themselves on national TV! Grapes are fine, viewers of RHONJ not so much! Pack your alibis and let’s go!