Joseline

lhhatl karlie rasheedah

From what I understand from you dear readers, we won’t be seeing Joseline Hernandez on the first few episodes of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta due to her behavior on last season’s reunion. It’s kind of like when I got suspended from cheering in one high school football game for being late to practice one too many times. Breaking bottles over people’s heads, tardiness…both valid reasons to use suspension as a punishment. Lessons learned in both cases for sure! At least we can count on Stevie J, Lil Scrappy, and Kirk Frost’s antics to entertain us in her absence, right? At least Rasheeda is now aware of Kirk’s secret downtown “office”! 

Last night’s episode of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta begins with Stevie confronting Nikko in a dark parking lot. Both men pretend to push one another (with nary contact made) before being dramatically pulled apart by the production team. Thankfully, the other guys on this show are acting more like gentlemen. Yung Joc is dressed for the part of day at the driving range with Scrappy and Kirk. Scrappy admits he’s more strip club than golf course. Joc is in a serious relationship with Khadiyah, and Kirk questions how many children his friend has total, crossing his fingers that someone besides Stevie has more kids than he does. Joc has eight in his brood, including two sets of twins (whose moms were pregnant at the same time). Pheeww! Kirk breathes a sigh of relief…he’s only got six kids and four grandchildren. Kirk reveals that he’s been hanging with his artist Ashley, who he met at a sports club…just like his last lady “friend,” but it’s totally professional no matter how attractive he finds her. He also tells his friends that Rasheeda has no clue about his downtown crib and money problems. As only Scrappy can (unintelligibly and sans subtitles), he warns his friend to not to mix biz-nigh-ee with banging. 

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lhhatl stevie j

The gang’s all here! After suffering through a snooze-worthy season of the original Love & Hip Hop, Stevie J., Joseline Hernandez, Rasheeda and Kirk Frost, Mimi Faust, Lil’ Scrappy and crew returned last night for a crazy Love & Hip Hop Atlanta premiere. Let the ratchetness commence! Don’t fail us, ATL!

After JoDez (I may be trying out some new nicknames this season…)went down in a blaze of glory at last season’s reunion, Mimi can only hope that Stevie has enough sense to steer clear of the train wreck. If not, she refuses to get involved with their drama (yeah, right!). After that pesky shower rod incident with Nikko that ended up making Vivid gajillions of dollars, Mimi has penned a tome about her experiences and kicked Nikko to the curb. Sex tape leaks she can forgive, but secret marriages? Not so much. We’ll see how long this lasts. She’s also traded her mop bucket for recording studio, and she’s teamed with Stevie to manage new artists. After listening to Tiffany Foxx, Stevie knows that no one can compare to Joseline’s music but he’s willing to ogle her creepily. When he learns that she’s on the outs with Nikko, Stevie offers Mimi a bottle of his special sauce–I honestly thought he’d started a barbeque line or something, but he means his sperm. Please stop now. Mimi can’t believe how ridiculous he is, yet she still wants to work with him. 

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LHHATL stevie joseline

TGIF, y’all! I needed to let you decompress from that mess we like to call the final reunion installment of Love & Hip Hop. Are you over the scriptedness? I’m not, but I’ll plow through for you, dear readers. You know the old saying–when a door shuts on fake storyline rachetness, another one opens…and Stevie J. is waiting on your welcome mat!

That’s right. Once we get through this weekend, we’ll be treated to the star of VH1’s ridiculous L&HH franchise. After her violent exit from the season of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, Joseline Hernandez is back, along with other favorites. It’s the greatest of life’s lessons. No matter how horrible the behavior, if one brings the drama (and the viewers), that cash cow will never be put out to pasture!

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lhh atl kirk rasheeda deb

Third time’s the charm, right? Probably not, but at least last night was the third and final installment of the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta Reunion. Thank goodness. I really don’t think I could take anymore. On last night’s conclusion, Sommore once again recapped the epic throw down among Joseline Hernandez, Stevie J., Benzino, and Althea, and of course, they finally tackled Mimi Faust’s sex tape with Nikko. I have to laugh as Mimi’s rise to porndom is highlighted. I’d forgotten how innocent she claimed to be about her knowledge of the leak. Mimi stands by Nikko’s claims that he had nothing to do with leaking the video, reminding everyone that she was with Nikko when their luggage was stolen at the airport…and in that luggage was the laptop that contained the footage.

Nikko pretty much shoots himself in the foot as he claims innocence yet refuses to take a lie detector, reiterating that he has nothing to prove. Um, yeah you do, my friend. Yeah. You. Do. Deb wants Nikko to own up to his behavior. The Kardashians owned up to their videoed sexcapades, and Deb believes they are better people for it. Sure, we’ll go with that. Nikko protests that people are buying the tape, so it really doesn’t matter who leaked it. When asked if she’s hurt that Nikko is refusing the polygraph, Mimi sighs that she’s over it. Perhaps she knew of Nikko’s intentions all along. Ariane thinks that Nikko is fake and insincere, and she lays into him about what an ass he is. Rasheeda Frost agrees, wishing that he’d just own up to his actions. Erica Dixon can’t stand the fool either. Mimi doesn’t like being in the middle, but she is extremely defensive about her relationship, and Nikko tries to explain his situation. Sommore jokes that Nikko needs to invest in a lock for his luggage. A show of hands reveals that it’s pretty unanimous among the cast that Nikko leaked the tape. After another offer, Nikko still refuses to take a lie detector test.

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lhh atl joseline ripped mag

So, just how many security personnel does it take to restrain one Joseline Hernandez? Scratch that…how many does it take to restrain the entire cast? The first few minutes of last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion are total insanity and chaos. I can’t believe they filmed this madness. I’ve said it before, but this time I truly mean it. Shame on you, Mona Scott-Young. That was terrible.

First Joseline goes in on Althea, and I believe Benzino pops her in the head causing Stevie J. to turn into a wild animal. The women are fighting and throwing guitars (that poor band), as host Sommore is escorted off-stage. ‘Zino is screaming “Get off me, get my girl” to security as five grown men are unable to contain Stevie. He is literally undressing to get out of their grasp. The screen goes dark, and we are informed that Joseline and Stevie were able to break away from security. Joseline then bum rushes the stage and starts wailing on Tammy Rivera. What? They had about two minutes of minor beef in the second episode. Really? As Joseline loses her weave in the melee, Tammy procures an arm load of water (vodka?) bottles and starts pelting them. The screen goes black again, and we learn that the set has been locked down and Stevie and Joseline have left the building. Zino and The-The also choose to leave. 

The second part of the reunion is off to a seriously scary start, and Sommore apologizes for the “altercation” after the remaining cast members rejoin her on the stage. She informs us of the Twitter battle that Zino and Stevie have been embroiled in pre-reunion, and she is shocked that Joseline was able to go from zero to a hundred on the psycho-meter just seconds after the ladies were chatting about shoes. Erica Dixon brings up her outfit (Joseline apparently didn’t want to dress like she was going to the Oscars), and Lil’ Scrappy believes she came dressed to fight. Erica recaps what started the fight, and Karlie Redd and Rasheeda couldn’t believe the level of rage in Joseline. My bad, the hair I originally referenced was actually Tammy’s. Poor Tammy seems to be the consensus.

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lhh atl scrappy lie detector

Woo. I can’t even. Last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion was a lot to digest…and even then I barfed it all back up when I watched the finger sucking scene again. The good news? It was the first of three crazy installments!  The bad news? It was the first. Of THREE. Mona Scott Young, you are an evil genius, my friend!

The cast arrives, drinks in hand and prep people in tow as if they are walking the red carpet for the Oscars. Perhaps Mona will win an Academy Award for promoting bad acting and ratchet behavior. I think it would be a great category addition to the awards show, don’t you? Erica Dixon, Karlie Redd, Mimi Faust, and Ariane are all getting ready in the same room. Karlie admits she has some secrets she’d like to share, and Erica shares that there are some “animals” she doesn’t want to see. Momma Dee threatens anyone who threatens her family, while Yung Joc nods in agreement. People who wear sunglasses inside always look super douchey. Case in point? Nikko. Bambi tells Lil’ Scrappy that Stevie J. posted a picture on Instagram the morning of the reunion which shows a nekkid The-The on her Knee-Knees about to pleasure the Stevie J. bus. Something tells me his friendship with Benzino isn’t going to survive this train wreck!

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love hip hop atl mimi nikko

Gracious, help me! Last night was the season finale of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, and I don’t even know where to start…so I’ll just start at the beginning. Benzino and Althea are picking out invitations for their upcoming nuptials. Geez, ‘Zino is hoping for an invite that plays music, a la Hallmark’s finest. He reminds viewers that this won’t be the most polished event that VH1 will have ever hosted. The-The is plagued with coming up with the guest list, especially since the big day is a week away. Benzino is concerned that he may not have a best man since he keeps taking shots at Joseline Hernandez on Twitter and Instagram in retaliation for her threats to Althea. Stevie J. isn’t too happy with his friend calling out the Puerto Rican princess for being a ho. Since when is Instagram for fighting? My newsfeed hasn’t gotten the memo…it’s all first day of school and people dumping ice over their heads!

Tammy Rivera and Waka Flocka Flame are dining and dishing over their future family. Tammy admits to going to the fertility clinic with Waka’s mom Deb, but he isn’t too keen on the idea of participating in the doctor’s recommended exercises. When she teases about pursuing other options, Waka begrudgingly gives in and agrees to go see the doctor to make sure his boys can still swim.  Across town. Mimi Faust goes to confront Nikko in the studio where he’s recording a song called–wait for it–Shower Rod. Wow. Nikko promises Mimi that he plans to get a divorce since his marriage bothers Mimi so much. She isn’t upset about the marriage anymore. Mimi is more concerned that Nikko may have leaked the tape and wanted to film her without her knowledge. This conversation isn’t going as Nikko planned. She cusses him every which way till Sunday before storming out of the studio.  I love that Mona is promoting Shower Rod as the show heads to commercial break.

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lhh atl snoop dogg

If I were a method blogger, I’d have been smokin’ indo and sippin’ on gin and juice to prepare for this recap. Sadly, I have to settle for a glass of Three Buck Chuck, and the only thing smoking is leftover casserole that I burned for dinner. #Snoopfail

Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta begins with Mimi Faust confronting Nikko about an article on Media Take Out that claims he’s married. She knows it can’t be true (it is, after all, Media Take Out), but she wants to be sure. Nikko doesn’t miss a beat when telling her that his marriage was a secret he planned to take to his grave. Um, what? He just wants to be honest. Mimi is too exhausted to cuss him every which way to Sunday. Nikko admits that he never planned to tell her, but he blames her for never asking him outright if he had a wife. Yeah, that’s totally Mimi’s oversight. As she storms out, he asks her to dinner. The man has some balllzzz. 

Stevie J., Kirk Frost, and Tony are helping Benzino celebrate his last few moments as a single man. Going against the norm, the gentlemen decide to hit up a strip club for his bachelor party. As pole dancers make-out in Zino’s face for his amusement, he explains that he doesn’t need a pre-nup because he and The-The (I HATE that nickname) will be together forever. Benzino then announces that Stevie will be his best man. The following day, a very hungover Stevie is being yelled into consciousness by the Puerto Rican alarm clock. Joseline Hernandez can’t imagine why her husband would want to be in a wedding where he’s smashed the bride. When he tells her that he is heading to L.A. to record with Snoop Dogg, Joseline smells trouble. 

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