For Christmas, all I want is for Brandi Glanville to stop making excuses for her recent behavior on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Y'all know me. I was Team Brandi for a long time. However it irks me to no end when people claim to take responsibility for their actions and then qualify the blame elsewhere in my next breath. It's like a thief saying "I really shouldn't have robbed that bank because it was wrong. However, it really should have had a better security system." Um no. That's not how it works.
After last week's episode, Brandi is very apologetic for her drunken antics. She's embarrassed. It was wrong…but Joyce Giraud made her do it! Because of editing we won't get to see what a horrible person Joyce is…or at least that's what Brandi wants us to believe.
Things begin with Dinner Party From Hell 8.0. Kyle Richards and Yolanda Foster are agreeing to disagree by disagreeing when Brandi Glanville stares Kyle down with an unfocused glare and some threatening, slurry words about how she could say a lot of bad things about Kyle. Bad, bad things. Like for real mean stuff.
Lisa Vanderpump warns her to knock it off, but "know this" Brandi sees things. Weren't you just waiting for her to whip out that electronic cigarette?! Brandi was a wreck and needs: blotting papers, powder, detox, a nap, water, psych drugs, to get off my TV.
I'm not sure what it says about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills that Kim Richards is most grounded and coherent participant this season. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to see Kim so healthy (and hilarious!), but she seems to be the only one with any sort of sense. Discussing Monday's episode, Kim is quick to call out Brandi Glanville's deplorable behavior while noting that her friend no doubt regrets her actions. She also sympathizes with Joyce Giraud's attempts to host a nice weekend while dismissing Yolanda Foster and Lisa Vanderpump as rude. She's really kind of spot on with her entire assessment.
Taking to her Bravo blog, Kim begins, "Once we got settled in our rooms we headed straight to the pool. Right off the bat it just didn't feel right, and there was a lot of tension. The push for Joyce to take her sundress off! Look, in my opinion Joyce invited us all down to have a good time and to do whatever we wanted in a beautiful home. She had a chef to prepare nice dinners and planned activities, but the rest should be up to us. If you want to swim, then swim. If you want to take a walk, then take a walk. There should be no rules except to just come have a good time. I have hosted many trips in my life and just because it is my trip, doesn't mean I have to babysit. For instance, when I took my friends to Hawaii once, some people wanted to lie out while others wanted to shop or go marlin fishing. You can't be with everyone at the same time. I thought it was a little ridiculous for Yolanda to tell Joyce how to handle herself. I mean grow up!"
Lea believes that Joyce is the Karent of this season's RHOBH. Is it the hair flipping? The constant need to insert herself in drama that happened before she appeared on the show? Those ever present pearly whites?
I was disappointed that the normally classy Mrs. Vanderpump would ever try to defend the tragically unclassy Ms. Glanville – and apparently Lisa shares my disappointment! In her latest Bravo blog, Lisa admits this is the episode where the tide turned and she started realizing that wait – there's no friends here, only big bad biatches wanting to take me down with a hair flip and a smile!
"Oh dear! That is all I want to say really! Could we just leave it at that?" Lisa begins. Don't we wish… Except we can't, unfortunately.
Referring to Brandi, Lisa is shocked she chose to reveal so many sexual tidbits. Choking anyone? "I am not particularly interested in the two finger maneuver that will be explained in her book. After 31 years of marriage I probably have a few maneuvers of my own I could share," Lisa teases.
But on a serious note, "It's hard to understand this constant need to shock. Her admission of indulging in cocaine, nudity, of being choked? Calling yourself a whore? What message does that send?"
Poor Jacqueline, er, I mean Joyce Giraud certainly learned what it means to plan a girls' trip in the land of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Either someone ends up drunk in a suitcase or someone ends up wasted at the dinner table, but regardless, intoxication only fuels the drama and bad behavior with this group. Joyce especially took issue with Brandi Glanville's behavior (Who didn't? That comment about Joyce's inability to swim crossed so many lines, I'd be worried if she wasn't offended!). She didn't take too kindly to be shushed by Yolanda Foster either. At least Kyle Richards had her back. Good ol' Splits!
In her Bravo blog, Joyce breaks down the entire episode, but she doesn't shy away from calling out Brandi and YoFo. I hate to break it to her, but all the hair flipping and taking the high road isn't going to make it to far with this crowd. Kyle has already cornered the market on the hair, and none of these ladies seem to know the meaning of being the bigger person…unless by "big", you mean "fat." In that case, Joyce may be alright considering she's already got the name of a big ol' fat lady.
It was the first Real Housewives of Beverly Hills vacation last night and true to form it was like a game of Clue with whodunit and why, with what, where and WTF?
Last night's metaphorical Housewives slayer was none other than Brandi Glanville who could hold neither her alcohol or her tongue. Although she did start out by telling us all the things she likes to do with her tongue or have a tongue to do her when she conducted a little market research for her new book. Yep, sex, wine, and Brandi again… *yawn*
Over at Joyce Giraud's house she's preparing for Palm Springs with a fashion show. Joyce's closet is beautiful. And it houses the entire GoldenGirls wardrobe department archives, including several pair of reproduction hibiscus print culottes.