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Kourtney & Kim Take Miami -- Season: 1

Guess what, y'all!?!  Kim Kardashian is tiring of being a reality star.  Isn't that the best news you've heard in a while from the Kardashian Kamp?  I shouldn't get too ahead of myself.  She still wants to be on television, it's just now she fancies herself an actress.  Thanks, Tyler Perry.  I blame you for this nonsense. 

Not only is Kim hoping to branch out, Kourtney Kardashian's beau Scott Disick wants to put his name (and cash–is it his or Kourtney's, I wonder?) behind yet another restaurant night club.  If you happen to be in Miami during the two to three weeks it's actually in business, please check it out and report back to me! :)

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It's that time again!  Here's a quick rundown on all things Kardashian!  We couldn't NOT write about them…what if they went away?  How would I make a living?  ;)  I'm kidding, obviously, but they really aren't going anywhere, especially now that Kris Jenner has landed her own talk show.  I'm actually really curious to see what it's like.

While promoting said talk show, Kris is going to milk the news of daughter Kim Kardashian's baby…since Kanye West wouldn't let her do it in the tabloids.  I honestly think Kris is just trying to detract from the fact that Kim is likely going to give birth to the tiny rapper's child while still married to Kris Humphries.  Can you blame her?  It's quite a messy little situation, wouldn't you say?

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I.  Just.  Can't.  I can't wait for the day that Kim Kardashian is forced to give Kris Humphries his annulment based on fraud.  It's going to be epic.  Sadly, it doesn't appear that we're going to see that happen any time soon. 

Many rumors have been swirling that Kim just offered Kris a massive sum of money to finally divorce her so that she and Kanye West can ride off into the sunset with their unborn child.  Unfortunately, it appears that these rumors aren't true, and the gossip is just part of the residual mess from the beginning of their demise.

Fear not, though.  Kim can't be bothered with her impending divorce/possible annulment.  She's too busy posting pictures of herself "helping orphans."  Yes, you read that correctly.  Keep in mind that she was helping said children while wearing the mortgage for a house on her wrist.  Confused?  Keep reading…you'll understand.

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Kanye West attends Martin Margiela show during Paris Fashion Week

Kim Kardashian's other half (well her other other half until she finally rids herself of Kris Humphries), Kanye West, is over in Paris for Fashion Week.  Kanye (aka Kim's new stylist) was snapped heading to the Maison Martin Margiela Spring/Summer 2013 Haute-Couture show dressed in this number. 

We have so many things we'd love to say about this photo, but we wanted to leave it to you, our witty and oh-so-creative readers! 

GIVE US YOUR BEST CAPTION FOR KANYE'S FASHION WEEK ENSEMBLE!

Photo Credit: Oraito/Splash

 

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Kardashian gossip is getting hard to keep up with…that's for sure.  Is Bruce Jenner fighting dirty when it comes to divorcing Kris Jenner?  Would he potentially purposely hurt his step-children in the process by outing Khloe Kardashian's "real" father?  (I still think that's a silly rumor though).  There is so much to speculate when it comes to this family, and heck, I wouldn't put it past Kris to have planted all of these stories herself to keep her family's names in the media.

Of course, she's not the only one who is getting her name out there.  Kanye West's ex Brooke Crittendon is speaking out about his relationship with Kim Kardashian.  The AAAM (aspiring actress and model) dated the tiny rapper from 2004 to 2006, but now she's coming forward in an interview about Kimye is so perfect for one another.  Let's start with that!

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Kim Kardashian rings in the New Year at 1 Oak Nightclub at The Mirage Resort and Casino Las Vegas, NV

Well this Kim Kardashian pregnancy is already annoying me and we have like six more months to go. Do I need to go into a coma to avoid this? 

Drumming up a media blitz for her newest reality show Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, the newly knocked up Kim is running around to every media outlet that will take her (at Kris Jenner's behest? Do we think she blackmails them?) to talk pregnancy, Kanye West, and her inter-uterine issues. Oh the wonderful world of Kardashians! 

Kim sat down with E! News where she gushed about Kanye calling him "the love of my life." Kim also shares that she's not going to let her "career" overshadow her motherhood duties and doesn't want her career to "overshadow the love in my life." 

As for baby names, Kim and Kanye aren't sure yet about expanding the K dynasty. They "have to think about" whether or not they'd provide their child with a K moniker. "I have to discuss that with my boyfriend to see where we are. But we'll keep the name private, I think, whenever we decide." Until Kris J leaks it to a tabloid for an exclusive!

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Kim, Kimminy, Kim, Kimminy, Kim, Kim, Kah-ree…if Kim needs a chimney sweep, out of luck is he!  Why?  Because he won't know which multi-million dollar Bel-Air mansion to go to for his chimney services.  More on that in a bit.  In the meantime, let's chat about Kim Kardashian is living beneath her means…for once.

Oh, and P.S., Kim doesn't want your mommy advice.  She is quite capable of taking care of the tiny rapper's baby without you telling her how to live and what soft cheeses to avoid.  Seriously.  She hasn't listened to the countless people who have asked her to fade into obscurity, why would she want to hear from fans who think she needs to fly less and eat more greens?  Please, as if y'all want to give Kim and Kanye West parenting advice…like it would help.

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Oh Kim Kardashian…if I were a licensed psychiatrist, I might diagnose you as a classic one-upper.  You've built an empire on which your entire family was riding the coattails until each of your siblings (inevitably) became famous in their own reality right.  It's the snowball effect.  And we're all dumber because of it.

Kim watched her sister Kourtney give birth to two precious children, and she counseled (cough, cough) sister Khloe who was suffering from infertility while trying to conceive with her husband.  Of course, now Kim is pregnant with Kanye West's baby, but she can't stop one-upping her sisters.  I'm gonnna let you talk Kourtney, but this baby is the best Kardashian baby of all time.  Sorry Mason and Penelope.  Y'all are officially old news.  Don't even get me started on poor Khloe's efforts to have a child.  Geez.  I'll let Kim speak for me.

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