Oh Florida – poor state victimized by Jersification at the hands of Real Housewives Of New Jersey. They spewed their drama all over your pure Boca beaches and left nothing but the reeking wreckage of poison, Dunkin’ Donuts cups, purloined Virginia Slims, and deflated twins.
Jim and Amber Marchese are holding the living room hostage and Bobby has finally emerged from the bathroom. What a good little trooper! Mommy wiped his tushy and he skulked downstairs to be polite. Bobby is afraid of a pissy Jimonster revealing his secrets – like that secret girlfriend he has stashed away! And Jim has seen photographic proof!
Bobby denies it, then stomps back upstairs to hide in the bathroom. But not before yelling “Figaaarooooo” from the top of the stairs. Bobby the expression is, “It’s not over til the fat lady sings.” Unfortunately your IQ under 12 misinterpreted that as, “It’s not over until the stumpy guido bellows off-key.” Lucky for Bobby he has ever-desperate ever-loving Nicole Napolitano to hold down the fort from HurricaneJim. She fails. Big time.
Last night Hurricane Jim hit the shores of Florida (well Boca anyway) and he destroyed all Real Housewives Of New Jersey stars in his wake. Teresa Giudice must have had advance notice that dirty secrets were going to be strewn far and wide which is why she stayed home to color pitchurs, mispronounce her own last name, and respond to texes.
Things started out innocently enough. The Florida division of the RHONJ ladies went swampin’ in their most appropriate of appropriate boat shoes: high heels. Those twins – they sure know how to work a look. #sarcasm On the gator farm, Dina Manzo meets her future pet soulmate: a tailless baby alligator whom she smuggles into her purse and clutches for zen-renity (zen serenity) throughout the night’s escapades.
It is well known that Dina is psychic she feels something is about to rock this boat. And Dina has a little inkling its last name is “Marchese” and it has to do with this little secret she was tasked with guarding and protecting. As the group was about to find out, the gators were the least dangerous thing they were to encounter in Florida.
Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of New Jersey headed to Florida, where things were all scary murky foreshadowing and things that go bump in the night – before next week when the ghosts jump out and attack!
Melissa Gorga is euphoric because she left her four children at home in the care of eldest Joe Gorga, who resents babysitting and is just letting the younger kids smack each other and eat junk food while he threatens to break the internet like it was Juicy’s face (we all saw how successful he was at that last season!). Meanwhile mama is getting sauced up under the Florida sun and flaunting what the good doctor gave her. Of course Dina Manzo planned the trip to Boca, where everyone is 80 (or how old Dina acts) and the house looks like something out of “Miami Vice” according to Teresssssa Aprea. She’s used to that – Don Johnson is clearly Rino’s fashion inspiration.
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to social media to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from this week! Enjoy!
She may have gotten downgraded to a “friend” of the housewives of this season (maybe on the Real Housewives of New Jersey it’s being relegated to a “relative” of the housewives!), but Kathy Wakile is using her free time constructively. Kathy has finally penned her first cookbook regaling her love of dessert making. Her cannoli kits have even been featured on RHONJ.
Maybe it’s because she’s sweeter than her co-stars (bad pun!), but Kathy is excited to feature her in bite-sized bits of deliciousness in“Indulge: Delicious Little Desserts that Keep Life Real Sweet” (St. Martin’s Griffin, $26.99), and she’s not even trying to compete with another cast member/friend/relative who is also delving into the dessert realm after building her food empire. Table flipping anyone?
Labor Day marks the unofficial end of summer – and the Real Housewives took to social media to show off how they spent the holiday weekend.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi Glanville took her two boys, Mason and Jake, to Palm Springs, and then she proceeded to complain about the amount of kids – “It’s noon. It’s time for wine. Kids. Everywhere.” – and the oppressive heat – “117 degrees!”
“Loving Palm Springs,” added Brandi. “I’ve been asked so many times where my boyfriend is but the truth is I just wanted face time with Mason and Jake.”
Jacqueline and sister-in-law (and fellow resurrected Housewife) Dina Manzo don’t speak after the last time they were on RHONJ together, and Dina has vowed never to do a reality show with family again. Too late because Jacqs needs the money and attention!
Despite a public twitter feud (mostly perpetrated by Ashlee Holmes) at the beginning of the season which exposed how strained Jacqueline and Dina’s relationship is, Jacqueline’s intentions for returning to RHONJ reportedly have nothing to do with confronting Dina or getting into a public fight. And then of course there was the rumor that Dina got Jacqueline fired in the first place…