Last night on Vanderpump Rules an informal peace summit was finally staged, over shots, in, of all places, Lala Kent‘s apartment!
Stassi Schroeder is still milling around Los Angeles lost adrift the skeletons of the friendships she buried when Saint Patrick of the Mount Perfectionist Adultiness loved her. Now, knocked down to mere mortal status, Stassi is alone and friendless with only Kristen Doute (and Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Klone No 1. Kristina), to consume Pinot and laments with her. Luckily our trusty friend Lala will remedy allll that!
Over on the homefront – SUR – JaxTaylor is back at work after his shoplifting suspension but no one is glad to see him. Lisa Vanderpump isn’t finished with her tough love just yet! To really remind Jax of what a bad boy he’s been, she orders him to do *gasp* COMMUNITY SERVICE. She’s like a an uber-glamourous court circuit judge with a vendetta! Lisa remands Jax to gather all his unworn clothes to donate to charity. Plus, he has to force the Toms to do this with him.
In her video blog, Lisa Vanderpump efficiently breaks down the Stassi Schroeder situation on Vanderpump Rules. It goes a little something like this: “Me s***ing on Stassi, really? I think she’s the one that s*** on me with her insincerity.” Boom.
Lisa further maintains her stance that Stassi is not important enough to hate, noting “It’s not that I’m angry with Stassi, I think it’s real disgust that she would come and see me, take up my time, and be totally disingenuous.”
About the purple, all-lace dress Lala wears in her talking heads, Bobby says, “Dress is crazy. I just can’t understand how a human being can be so confident to just wear an outfit that’s just like, ‘Here’s what I got!’ I am a big Lala fan. I can’t find anything that Lala’s done wrong yet.” In response to a dirty look from Katie, he concedes, “I get it. I do not work with her; it is just a TV show to me.”
Katie has been working hard to build her blog and decides to throw an industry launch party to debut it to the world, so she can begin making money. What Katie really wants, however, is an exclusive party with a tightly-controlled guest list, so she can wander around SUR pointing at people with her new Scheana Marie witch’s talon nails snapping, “Invited!” “Not Invited!” as she plucks the leaves, one by one, off Lisa Vanderpump‘s 100 year-old custom-cultivated tulips originally cuttings from Josephine Bonaparte’s garden, once watered with the blood of Napoleon (can you tell I’ve been watching War & Peace? It’s like Vanderpump Rules with more complicated names, more conniving, decent fitting clothing, more lying, and swords instead of cocktail stirrers).
Katie Maloney is newly engaged, gainfully employed, and in a good place with her friends these days. All things ex-BFF and Vanderpump Rules star Stassi Schroeder is decidedly not! While THE RETURN OF STASSI! seems to be the Japanese horror film headline everywhere one turns on VPR these past weeks, Katie says she’s trying to focus on the more positive aspects of her life. She does admit that seeing her old friend squirm under the expert interrogation/verbal spanking Lisa Vanderpump doled out was a bit uncomfortable to watch this week. But she agreed with Lisa’s astute points, just the same!
Before Katie breaks down the Stassi Situation, she reflects on the “perfect” time she and the gang spent in Hawaii – that is, until Jax Taylor decided to play petty sunglasses thief. When she found out about Jax’s arrest, Katie admits, ” I had no words and still have a difficult time articulating how frustrating and disappointing that day was. We had all separated for mere hours and for something this catastrophic to have happened is purely mind numbing.”
But no thank you, Tom 2, for the reference to your flaccid penis. Katie Maloney, please get off Scheana Marie‘s drama train and onto your man. If the way Tom 2 was making out with that Hooters chicken wing is any indication, that was a man deprived and we know how Katie feels about make-out cheating!
The Kristen Doute Apology Tour continues on, gathering steam by adding Stassi Schroeder, and growing into a cloud of vicissitude by adding Jax.
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to social media to share even more of their lives with us. And we would not have it any other way. Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite snapshots and selfies from this week. Enjoy.
Real Housewives of Atlantastar Kenya Moore shared the “beatless” selfie above, adding, “I’m a Nubian queen. It’s in my blood to adorn myself. But I’m definitely comfortable not wearing makeup too. But no woman is going to tell me “I need to remember what makeup is for.” Beauty is from the inside out, and even if you don’t wear makeup, don’t judge others who do or make them feel bad for wanting to present themselves however they want. I have a few freckles hehehehe and yes bushy eyebrows. #beatlessbeauty”
In Hawaii the group continues having a conniption fit over Lala Kent‘s existence. After Lala confronted Brittany Cartwright about Jax’s lying, and then confronted Jax about his lying, to which Jax lied about lying, Lala retreated to her hotel to cry into the complimentary towels. Reality TV is so hard! She just needs her mommy! But, as Lala pointed out, Faith also took off her top, but no one was yelling at her! Katie Maloney, a hypocrite? Nooooooo…