Ariana Madix is in a funk. Is that funk is hanging out with Scheana Marie (who complains that Ariana hasn’t been there as much as Scheana needs her to be)? Ariana carries a general malaise that can’t be cured by looking hot in a lace bikini! If shopping doesn’t work like Prozac, something is amiss! It’s not like Ariana is Stassi Schroeder, living on Kristen Doute‘s couch (no, no – not the one she banged Jax on while watching Drive, but more on that couch in a bit!).
It has been quite a busy few days for the cast of Vanderpump Rules, from reunions to birthdays to new apartments and new friendships – they’ve had milestones! Tom Schwartz may not wanna grow up, but he’s engaged to Katie Maloney and forced to like go adulting. So, Tom 2 and Katie Who moved into a new apartment!
“I spent the whole day being a whiny ahole so I’m shaming myself on Twitter. We got a new apartment!” Tom2 shared on Twitter. Good for Tom and Katie. Did Tom 2 get a real job or something? Hopefully they’re get some new grownup furniture.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules an informal peace summit was finally staged, over shots, in, of all places, Lala Kent‘s apartment!
Stassi Schroeder is still milling around Los Angeles lost adrift the skeletons of the friendships she buried when Saint Patrick of the Mount Perfectionist Adultiness loved her. Now, knocked down to mere mortal status, Stassi is alone and friendless with only Kristen Doute (and Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Klone No 1. Kristina), to consume Pinot and laments with her. Luckily our trusty friend Lala will remedy allll that!
Over on the homefront – SUR – JaxTaylor is back at work after his shoplifting suspension but no one is glad to see him. Lisa Vanderpump isn’t finished with her tough love just yet! To really remind Jax of what a bad boy he’s been, she orders him to do *gasp* COMMUNITY SERVICE. She’s like a an uber-glamourous court circuit judge with a vendetta! Lisa remands Jax to gather all his unworn clothes to donate to charity. Plus, he has to force the Toms to do this with him.
In her video blog, Lisa Vanderpump efficiently breaks down the Stassi Schroeder situation on Vanderpump Rules. It goes a little something like this: “Me s***ing on Stassi, really? I think she’s the one that s*** on me with her insincerity.” Boom.
Lisa further maintains her stance that Stassi is not important enough to hate, noting “It’s not that I’m angry with Stassi, I think it’s real disgust that she would come and see me, take up my time, and be totally disingenuous.”
About the purple, all-lace dress Lala wears in her talking heads, Bobby says, “Dress is crazy. I just can’t understand how a human being can be so confident to just wear an outfit that’s just like, ‘Here’s what I got!’ I am a big Lala fan. I can’t find anything that Lala’s done wrong yet.” In response to a dirty look from Katie, he concedes, “I get it. I do not work with her; it is just a TV show to me.”
Katie has been working hard to build her blog and decides to throw an industry launch party to debut it to the world, so she can begin making money. What Katie really wants, however, is an exclusive party with a tightly-controlled guest list, so she can wander around SUR pointing at people with her new Scheana Marie witch’s talon nails snapping, “Invited!” “Not Invited!” as she plucks the leaves, one by one, off Lisa Vanderpump‘s 100 year-old custom-cultivated tulips originally cuttings from Josephine Bonaparte’s garden, once watered with the blood of Napoleon (can you tell I’ve been watching War & Peace? It’s like Vanderpump Rules with more complicated names, more conniving, decent fitting clothing, more lying, and swords instead of cocktail stirrers).
Katie Maloney is newly engaged, gainfully employed, and in a good place with her friends these days. All things ex-BFF and Vanderpump Rules star Stassi Schroeder is decidedly not! While THE RETURN OF STASSI! seems to be the Japanese horror film headline everywhere one turns on VPR these past weeks, Katie says she’s trying to focus on the more positive aspects of her life. She does admit that seeing her old friend squirm under the expert interrogation/verbal spanking Lisa Vanderpump doled out was a bit uncomfortable to watch this week. But she agreed with Lisa’s astute points, just the same!
Before Katie breaks down the Stassi Situation, she reflects on the “perfect” time she and the gang spent in Hawaii – that is, until Jax Taylor decided to play petty sunglasses thief. When she found out about Jax’s arrest, Katie admits, ” I had no words and still have a difficult time articulating how frustrating and disappointing that day was. We had all separated for mere hours and for something this catastrophic to have happened is purely mind numbing.”