High school… these problems matter! These people are in high school like the original cast of 90210 were. Meaning the “kids” on Vanderpump Rules are 30 going on 13, and it’s ridiculous.
Last night, Katie Maloney, Bridezilla of West Hollywood (she may actually just be straight up Godzilla at this point because she does seem to think she’s God), demanded Scheana Marie never, ever have an opinion contrary to Katie’s, like, ever again, and if Scheana does like ever, ever, ever deign to think for herself, she will be dumped like room temperature white wine.
Katie is the one who needs to be bumped – by Tom 2 and everyone else. She and Stassi Schroeder deserve each other.
After Tom asked the guys to take part in the wedding, he handed them both big envelopes full of photos that revealed that the steak and shrimp they ate had previously been in-between his butt cheeks. As if that wasn’t gross enough Tom also revealed that he ran that day and did not shower. Eeeeww.
Vanderpump Rules is having some sort of quarter life crisis. While Stassi Schroeder is playing the adoring sycophant, Katie Maloney is attempting to reinvent herself as season 1 and 2 Stassi. It’s a piss-poor imitation though because Katie lacks the razor-sharp edge and sheer cunning wit required to pull off Stassi-ness, not to mention Katie lacks the conviction with which Stassi conducted herself as empress of the skirtsteaks. Also Katie doesn’t own a statement necklace which is like the scrunchie of SUR.
Katie is a mere “Fetch,” trying to force herself to happen as the leader of the SUR tribe, except she’s nothing but a sheep in wolf’s clothing. And she needs to give Stassi back her fur.
If you’re easily grossed out, you might want to skip tonight’s episode of Vanderpump Rules! Or at least don’t have steak for dinner before watching it (you definitely won’t want steak for a while after watching it…). Tonight Tom Schwartz dishes up some revenge to Jax Taylor and Tom Sandoval and it’s gag-inducing, but brings him a whole lot of joy. We’ll leave it at that and not spoil it for you.
Also on tonight’s episode, Katie Maloney asks Stassi, Scheana, and Kristen Doute to be her bridesmaids. Katie excludes Ariana Madix from her list of chosen ones because she’s upset that Ariana is still talking to Lala Kent. Katie later questions her decision to include Scheana when she’s seen being friendly to Lala.
We’ve seen Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney grow up a lot over the years on Vanderpump Rules. They went from background cast to the main players. They overcame a shit ton of drama and now they are mature married folks – or at least they are in this instance. Tom and Katie opened up about their life as newlyweds and they have lent their time and faces to support an animal charity.
Clearly they’re taking a cue from Lisa Vanderpump by helping out the animals and I am sure that she is proud of them. And as of now it doesn’t seem like Tom and Katie have any marital drama, then again they just got married. Hopefully this remains the case.
Last night Lisa Vanderpump hosted World Dog Day and declared it a mandatory requirement for all Vanderpump Rules stars to own a dog. James Kennedy is exempt, however,because obviously Lisa cares about the welfare of her furry friends!
OK, just kidding – they didn’t have to own a dog, but it might as well have been a decree. Some of them <ahem… Stassi Schroeder…> were so eager to suck-up to Lisa via dog-loving they adopted two poor doggies, and dressed them up in bonnets fit for English Tea.
Before we dealt with dogs, however, we had to deal with pussy cats. And also bitches. All in a days work at SUR, right!? The bitch is Jax Taylor who has been spreading news of Kristen Doute petting Brittany Cartwright‘s kitty-cat all over SUR.
Welcome back to Vanderpump Rules, where people miraculously age in reverse – but only in their personalities and maturity levels.
Despite our year-long hiatus, little has changed at SUR, the illustrious sur-vers and their counterparts. Kristen Doute and Stassi Schroeder are back in the full-time rotation, to reign supreme over the dysfunction, with Scheana Marie and Katie Maloney their tittering accomplices. Tom 2 is a mere accessory to their life of crime, the teeny dog shoved in a purse to nip and yap occasionally. And everybody still hates Lala Kent!
I don’t know guys – are we really in for another season of mean girls justifying their own behavior by calling the other person mean? It’s like Vanderpump Rules is just an audition for Real Housewives, a job Stassi presumably believes will be hers as soon as she convinces a Hollywood mogul, or rich business man to marry her. Maybe when Lala’s ‘boyfriend,’ the married guy with 35,022 kids who is passing out free Range Rovers on Halloween, ditches that wife of his Stassi can swoop right in?