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Keeping up with the Kardashians

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in Soho

ZMOG – the wedding of the century is upon us. And very, very soon! According to sources Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will be getting married on May 24th in Paris. Poor France. 

"It won't be a huge wedding," a source reveals to People. "Around 150 people." Daughter North, who turns 1 in July, will play a prominent role in the ceremony and it's pretty much certain it will be aired on Keeping Up With The Kardashians or some sort of E! Special. Kim hasn't decided on a dress yet, but hopefully her fashion sense improves in time for wedding gown shopping, cause yea – no. 

"[I've shopped] a little bit, but I really need a good sit down to plan it all out," Kim revealed. 

Also reportedly making plans to finally walk down the aisle are Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick! I guess Kris Jenner finally convinced the stalwart couple that weddings equal big ratings which translates into big paychecks

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kourtney-kardashian-khloe-kardashian

Do we know the whereabouts of the Bling Ring? Really, are they in jail? Filming a new season of Pretty Wild (I loved that awful show #sorrynotsorry)? Collecting Hollywood paychecks as residuals for the major motion picture that was made about them? The authorities in Calabasas, California may want to find out what that crazy gang of kids has been up to as of late because someone has been ripping off the Kardashians.

Both Khloe Kardashian and sister Kourtney have been robbed recently…and the instances may be connected. Quick, someone call Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson because this could be a job for them (totally obsessed with True Detective when I'm not watching reality shows!). Seriously, it is odd that both sisters were targeted by criminals at the same time. 

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Kim Kardashian attends the Opera Ball in Vienna with colourful host

Kim Kardashian and Pimp Mama Kris Jenner stopped off in Vienna last night to earn a little coin, but things went awry and Kim may not see her full $500,000 date night fee! The poor thing. 

The Keeping up with the Kardashians star swooped into Vienna to attend the Vienna Opera Ball as the date of businessman Richard Lugner, for a hefty fee of $500,000.  Kim ticked off Lugner right from the start when she had her KUWTK camera crew in tow and ditched him to do some filming at a nearby restaurant.  The whole day was off schedule and he let the media know how unhappy he was.  "Kim is annoying me. Because she's not sticking to the programme. She's filming and so she doesn't want to have me around. The guest should be with me and not anywhere else that is not agreed upon."

Then Kim ducked out of her dance duties and made Richard dance with Kris instead!  Kim's lame excuse?  "I'd rather watch the dancing."

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Orgullosa launches the production of the “Nueva Latina Monologues”

In this week's photo roundup we have Kim Kardashian and Kanye West out and about in NYC, Snooki showing her cowgirl moves, and the Mob Wives celebrate JWoww's birthday with her.  Bethenny picks up Bryn, Kourtney and Scott go on a date and the Vanderpump Rules cast celebrate the finale together. 

Sonja Morgan gets bundled up in NYC, Gretchen Rossi cozies up with Slade Smiley, and Gigi Hadid wins big, while Padma Lakshmi was spotted out in NYC. 

Check out the gallery below for more from Ramona Singer, Lisa Vanderpump, Joanna Krupa, Kandi Burruss, LuAnn de Lesseps, La La Anthony and more!

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sister-wives-kody-brown-commitment-ceremony

The reality TV viewer numbers are in.

Good Numbers:  Real Housewives of Atlanta continues to interest a large audience. 4.041 million tuned in for the Bailey Bowl drama this week. The season finale of Sister Wives attracted 2.235 million and 1.916 million stuck around for the tell all special, bringing the season average to 2.025 million.

Steady: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills trip to Puerto Rico attracted 1.8 million and Basketball Wives L.A. logged 1.882 million viewers this week. Dance Moms and Teen Mom 2 consistently log strong and steady numbers despite giving us two of the most hated reality TV stars in recent history – 2.069 million sat through Abby's abusive ways and 2.222 million couldn't resist Jenelle's shameful behavior.  

Bad Numbers: 2.072 million fans watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians this week. That's a 500,000 drop from last week's over-hyped proposal show. Part two the Shahs of Sunset reunion garnered 1.044 million viewers. Do you think Shahs of Sunset will return with a season average of 1.272 million?

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Kim Kardashian and Jonathan Cheban in Soho

You know, as much as I blame Ray J for the whole Kardashian kerfluffle, I don't think Ryan Seacrest is totally without fault. After all, the E! mastermind keeps renewing their show season after season and promoting their shenanigans every chance he can. His most recent infraction occurred when he had Kim Kardashian on his radio show yesterday to talk about what she claims will be her "super, super-small intimate" wedding to the tiny rapper. 

While we're on the subject of Keeping up with the Kardashians star, some yahoo is calling Kim the "Marilyn Monroe of our age." Yes, you read that right…and for once it's not Kanye West (even though he's made that lame comparison in the past). Do people just throw around Norma Jeane's name without knowing anything about her? Kim is nothing like Marilyn…and would she even want to be? What a tragic life.

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Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick LAX

Imagine…someone in Canada thinks Keeping up with the Kardashians is too crude. Are we watching the same show? Obviously, I'm being sarcastic, although I am not at all surprised by the dirty mouths on Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim, nor do their thong pulling, underwear sniffing, breast leaking antics shock me in the least. How sad is that?

It all started with a "knock knock" joke courtesy of Lord Scott Disick on Keeping up with the Kardashians that aired on October 23 in the middle of the afternoon. He and Kourtney spent part of the episode using donuts and carrots to simulate a certain sex act.  Keepin' it klassy, those two! I guess I should give you the warning that there may some offensive jokes and/or language after the jump…you know, the warning that the Canadian version of E! forgot to issue before the episode in question!

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brody jenner

It's your update on all things Kardashian–you're over the moon, I'm sure! I promise to bypass any news about Kim and the tiny rapper, and only focus on some of the more tolerable gossip…like Lamar Odom professing that Khloe Kardashian will always be his wife, no matter what! I may even have some sad rumors for you too. Could the eye candy that is Brody Jenner (brother Brandon's just as hot!) be peacing out on Keeping up with the Kardashians? Honestly, he didn't seem overly happy to spend time with Kris Jenner just to get to see father Bruce. And finally, because, hey, everybody's doing it!–Kendall and Kylie Jenner are dishing on their new young adult novel.  Happy weekend, y'all!

Speaking to Us Weekly, Lamar reveals he isn't ready to give up on his marriage.  He says, "I love my wife. She'll always be my wife, no matter what. Who knows? We don't know exactly if [the divorce is going through]. Only time will tell. I hope not. But even if we were divorced, she would always be my wife," sharing, "Those were some of the best years of my life. Being married and being married to a woman I decided to marry was, besides having children, the most important thing in my life." 

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