As if the amount of peanut brittle I've eaten today isn't gag-worthy enough, Kris Jenner swoops in to ruin my sugar high with her talk of Kimye's wedding, how in love Yeezus is with daughter Kim Kardashian, and how great things are with Bruce post-separation. It makes me kind of want to poke myself in the eye.
It will come as no surprise that Kim isn't going to tone it down for wedding number three to Kanye West. Shocker! After her million dollar event for a marriage that lasted less than three months, that sounds reasonable enough.
As if her delusions of grandeur aren't troublesome enough already - Farrah Abraham has been named Google's most searched for reality TV star in 2013.
According to Google Zeitgeist, the search phrases "farrah abraham backdoor", "farrah abraham video", "farrah abraham tape", and "farrah abraham full" were wildly popular between May 5 and May 11. Gross. Considering Vivid released the Teen Mom star's porn video on May 6, I'm willing to bet the vast majority of Farrah's fans were more interested in her backdoor than her reality star status.
In the good news department, interest in Farrah (via Google anyway) has been declining since July. Also? Kim Kardashian ranked a lot lower on the list than I would have guessed. My heart sings! However, Teen Mom and Kardashian stories constantly end up at the top of Reality Tea's most viewed list, so neither Farrah nor Kim is going to fade into obscurity anytime soon. Unfortunately.
Do you have a ten-year plan? I do, and it involves a bestselling novel turned blockbuster movie starring Ryan Gosling…and a relationship with Ryan Gosling. Hey girl, it could happen!
Kim Kardashian also has hopes for where her life will be in a decade. Fear not, it will likely still be playing out in front of our eyes as I can't imagine this family has any plans to leave E! anytime soon. Kim recently revealed that she'd like to have two more children with Kanye West. Of course, the family will need an East and a South as siblings for baby North.
Is there trouble in the ultimate fame whoring reality paradise? It seems that someone needs to learn how to behave. Of course, by "behave" I mean that someone needs to stop comparing his creative genius to that of Steve Jobs and the difficulty of his stage performance to that of the effort men and women put forth while defending our country. Kanye West…a true gem.
Unfortunately for Kim Kardashian, pimp momager Kris Jenner is getting very tired her daughter's fiance's negative portrayal in the media. She's ready for the tiny rapping to stop with his ridiculous rants and get on board with the gravy train known as her family's brand.
Give it a rest, dude. Seriously, just give it a rest. After Kourtney Kardashian released a paternity test revealing that LordScott Disick was, in fact, the biological father of her oldest child, the model who claims he's Mason's dad won't leave it alone. Why in the world anyone would try to be be related to the Kardashian krew is so far beyond me!
Michael Girgenti claims that he bedded the oldest Kardashian sister after meeting at a photo shoot right around the time she would have gotten pregnant with the now four-year-old Mason. Despite the fact that there's a little thing called a paternity test in the mix, Michael also failed a lie detector test back in August. The polygraph noted deceptive behavior when Michael answered affirmatively that he and Kourtney had sex.
As a huge Liz Taylor fan, I am disgusted that the Keeping Up With The Kardashians famewhore thinks she comes anywhere close. But yeah, I'm sure Kanye will be writing a new rap about how Kim is the greatest living legend of our time in about … oh now!
Is Lamar Odom finally taking responsibility for his bad behavior in an attempt to get his life back on track? Will Khloe Kardashian Odom still be around if and when he does…or will she be too busy inspiring the young lads of One Direction 2.0? It's a lot to take in, I know!
Starting with Lamar, he's changed his plea from "not guilty" to "no contest" in his recent DUI offense. Radar Online is reporting that Lamar will have his license suspended automatically for a year for refusing further chemical testing after his arrest. A source tells the site, “Odom pled no contest to first offense DUI, and the refusal to take further testing after he was arrested was dismissed."
A spokesperson for the California Highway Patrol shares, “He did what no one should ever do, he refused the chemical tests. That means that his license is revoked and Lamar could get the most powerful attorney in the world and he is still not going to have a license for a year.”