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Keeping up with the Kardashians

Aaahhh… Kim Kardashian, no matter how much you try to distract us with Kimye; your divorce is not going away! And to remind us of how skanky and greedy you are is Kris Humphries!

This past week Kimye enjoyed a PDA-laden dinner at Scott Disick‘s new restaurant RYU, which was of course captured on film for one of the umpteen Kardashian reality shows (for which they recently scored a $40M deal to create). While Kim is focused on making-out, Kris is still focused on annulling that embarrassing 72-day-lapse in sanity also known as his marriage to Kimmie Kakes. And allegedly, Kanye is now part of his plan for proving the Kardashians’ shameless ways!

“Kris was surprised to learn that Kim was including her new relationship with Kanye West on the show,” a source close to Kris tells RadarOnline.”The crux of Kris’ case for annulment is that Kim married him under fraudulent pretenses and did it for her reality show. Team Humphries wants to know if producers of the Kardashian reality shows were in contact with Kanye prior to the new couple dating or going public with their relationship and what those conversations consisted of.”

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Well, I have some unfortunate news, so I hope you’re all sitting down. The Kardashians will definitely NOT be leaving our TV’s anytime soon – or our pop culture lexicon. Despite Kim Kardashian‘s sham wedding (with accompanying very public divorce) and the tremendous negative backlash from the media and the public, American’s favorite famewhores have just inked a $40 Million three-year reality television deal with E!. So, if this doesn’t confirm that Kimye is a publicity stunt – really, I don’t know what would!

Yes, despite petitions, and threats, and absolute proof that their shows are staged crap – they will be back whether we like it or not!

According to TMZ, the attention-seeking family behind Keeping Up With The Kardashians will continue airing all their dirty laundry – real and created – for our viewing consumption with the lion’s share of the massive deal being split between Kris Jenner, Bruce Jenner, Khloe Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, and of course no 1 paycheck, Kim, all of whom will receive equal salaries!

Ironically the numbers for last season’s KUWTK averaged only about 3 M viewers per episode – on par (or below) with most Housewives, but apparently the Kardashians’ scandals and drama are worth their weight in gold for the network; which basically exists purely to broadcast the family’s lives. The deal does not include any new shows! So when Kim and Kanye West start pimping out their totally authentic romance, they will iron out their own deal. Which means more ka-ching!

The less famous and thereby second-rate family members, Rob Kardashian along with Kylie and Kendall Jenner will receive considerably less. Scott Disick and Mason also get a cut of the profit, but they have a separate deal with the network. You know Kris was trying to insure against any possible break-ups!

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Can anyone REALLY “Keep up with the Kardashians“!?  If we shared and commented on every story about them in the news on a daily basis, we’d have to rename the site to Kardashian Tea.  In an effort to prevent any such name change, we’ll just touch on a few of the highlights of the day.

First up, Kris Humphries reacts to the news that Kim Kardashian wants to enter the political arena by running for mayor.  As you might guess, Kris reportedly finds the whole thing laughable, but not surprising. Honestly, are any of us ever surprised by Kim’s attempts at grabbing headlines?

Radar Online’s source shared this week that “Kris was told about Kim’s plans to become mayor of Glendale as it was making news yesterday. He doesn’t watch any of the Kardashian reality shows on E!, but he is telling his friends that he isn’t surprised that Kim said that because he feels there isn’t anything she wouldn’t do as she is so publicity hungry. It’s just ridiculous and sad to him that Kim is so fixated on fame and celebrity. There is no way that Kim would ever move to Glendale though, she complained whenever she had to stay at Kris’ condominium in Hoboken, New Jersey. Kim said that Hoboken wasn’t exciting enough for her.”

Kris also joked that if Kim can land a job as mayor, that he has a shot at the White House.

Humphries, please don’t give Kris Jenner any ideas.  You know she’s punching out campaign buttons for her Kimmie as we speak and would gladly shift gears to running her presidential campaign.

Moving on!  The media can’t seem to make up its mind on Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom.  One day they’re pregnant and the next, they’re not having sex and heading for divorce!

First up, a source tells Us Weekly that Lamar’s father was full of B.S. with his claims that Khloe was pregnant.  It’s supposedly a complete fabrication.

Khloe and Lamar are allegedly heading for a split, not a baby.  According to sources, the two are fighting constantly and aren’t even having sex, making conception a little impossible.

A source shared with Hollywood Life:  “They’re not having sex.  They’ve had a lot of blow-out fights that won’t be included on the show. She and Lamar are definitely headed toward divorce. They’ll be done by the end of the year.”

Khloe is also begging Lamar to go to counseling with her and promising that NO cameras will be involved in the sessions.

Why is it when things get REAL, the “reality” TV stars suddenly don’t want cameras around?

And finally, some NBA “experts” weigh in and state the obvious.  Lamar needs to drop the reality show drama and focus on playing the game if he plans to continue his career in pro basketball.  “If Lamar wants to get back in the game, he needs to keep working out.  He needs to lose every distraction and focus on getting back the sixth man award.”

What do you think Lamar will choose? Basketball or a big glass of Kardashian Kool-Aid?

Khloe tried to squash the divorce rumors by sharing a picture of her having dinner with her man.  Nothing says “we’re still in love” more than a strategy dinner meeting with the Pimpmomager.

TELL US – WOULD YOU VOTE FOR KIM? KRIS? WHAT WILL THE KARDASHIANS DO NEXT FOR A HEADLINE? DO YOU THINK LAMAR AND KHLOE WILL MAKE IT TO THE END OF THE YEAR WITH THEIR MARRIAGE IN TACT?

 

[Photo credit: WENN]

It’s Kardashian O’Clock! You don’t want to hear it, but it’s here anyway. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian continue their trolling / true love / PR stunt for the upcoming Keeping Up With The Kardashians season.

We’ll start with the fakest news. Kim has decided that her expertise in sex tapes qualifies her to be mayor of Los Angeles. Considering how many politicians have been in sex scandals in the last few years, Kim might actually fit in better than you would expect. In an unaired clip from her reality show, Kim tells sister Khloe Kardashian, “I decided…I’m gonna run for the mayor of Glendale…but it’s gonna be in like five years.” Kim is confident it can happen because the town is heavily Armenian and so is she! You can check out the video of Khloe and Kim discussing her totally real plans at Radar Online.

In more serious news, a source is claiming Kris Jenner is ruining Kylie and Kendall Jenner’s by lives by not letting them attend college. Do they know what college is? Just kidding! They do know what post-secondary schooling is; their siblings Kourtney and Rob did actually go to school.

The source says:

“Kris is ruining Kylie and Kendall‘s lives by not encouraging them to go to university. They both have expressed an interest in furthering their education but Kris is constantly shooting down the idea. She thinks if the girls go away to school, they will miss their window of opportunity and the public will forget about them.”

Kris wants the girls to get a reality show instead. To be honest, reality TV is more profitable than any college, so making the girls do a television show is a sound business decision.

And finally, I saved the best for last! Kanye re-titled his “Theraflu” song where he name-drops Kim and calls the new one “Way Too Cold.” A source tells US Magazine, magazine, he “has been genuinely head over heels for [Kim] for a while.”

However, he’s quick to point out that he never compared Kim to Beyoncé, like a source once claimed. He told US Weekly, “Come on now, that doesn’t even sound like me,” and advised that fact-checkers should review his lyrics and social media account to verify any claims out there about him. “If I don’t say something in a rap or on Twitter, it’s not true.” I have the same philosophy, so understand Kanye’s pain.

TELL US: WOULD YOU VOTE FOR KIM? DO YOU THINK KRIS JENNER IS RUINING HER DAUGHTER’S LIVES?

Bruce Jenner better watch his back, because his disapproval of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West dating just made Kris Jenner’s head explode.

During a speaking engagement this week, the Kardashian-Jenner patriarch shared with the audience the fact that he’s not thrilled with Kim’s new fauxlationship. “I’m not that excited, but we’ll see. Kimberly and I have had a conversation about them and their potential relationship.”

His wife, on the other hand, is purring at the “new” development in Kim’s life. Pimpmomager is reportedly doing backflips over the potential to extend their time in the spotlight, and feels this pairing will take them all Kim to the next level.

A source tells Radar Online: “She loves that they’re together and thinks Kanye is a huge step up for Kim after her marriage to Kris Humphries. Dating Kanye puts Kim in a whole new stratosphere. Kris was just a basketball player making a few million dollars a year, but Kanye is a world-wide multimillionaire superstar.”

Kim had an obscenely extravagant wedding to an NBA player—can you imagine what Kris J. could do with a rapper’s wedding budget?

In other Kimye news, Kris Humphries reportedly had an awkward moment at the Marble Lane restaurant this week. Kris was hanging out with his sister Kaela when ‘Theraflu’ started blasting through the sound system. You know the song, the one where Kanye admits to lusting after Kris’ then-wife and threatens that he could have Jay-Z fire him from the Nets team. Good times.

[Photo credit: Mr Blue/WENN & Pacific Coast News]

If you were looking forward to another epic, over-the-top Kardashian wedding, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are going to dash your hopes and dreams.  Cancel that viewing party.

This week’s print edition of Reality Weekly claims that Kourtney and Scott are in a hurry to tie the knot and make things official before their baby girl arrives this summer. But with such little time and the more “private” attitude Kourtney takes on her personal life, the couple is looking to have an intimate affair (less than 100 guests) with no film crew in tow. I’ll believe this when I see it.

Kris Jenner is reportedly pushing for the marriage. “Her mom thinks it’s awful that she’s on her second baby and isn’t married and she’s been working to convince Kourtney to go ahead and do it before the birth.”

A friend close to the couple says that Kourtney will only consent if it stays a low-key affair.

“She wouldn’t want something over the top or crazy expensive.  She hates being wasteful and doesn’t do things just for show”, shares a source.

The guest list will be small, and she doesn’t want any bridesmaids, but will have her sisters as her maids of honor.

“Kourtney just wants a big party and have fun with their friends and family”.

TELL US – DO YOU THINK KOURTNEY WILL AVOID A HUGE WEDDING? DO YOU THINK THEY’RE REALLY GOING TO HAVE THIS WEDDING WHILE SHE’S STILL PREGNANT? DO YOU THINK KRIS WILL CRY OVER THE LOST OPPORTUNITY FOR FAMEWHORING AND CASH?

Are you ready for a whole bunch of Kardashian-related news? I can tell you’re excited! Well, would it surprise you to know that the seventh (yes, seven!) season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians has graduated to a full hour of television. E! is so confident that you have nothing else to do with your time that not only have they managed to find 44 minutes worth of “umms” and manufactured drama, they’ve also ordered 18 episodes. Is this one of the signs of the apocalypse?

Hollywood Life reports that Kim Kardashian‘s current “boyfriend” Kanye West has “signed on” to appear for the seventh season, since he doesn’t have anything to do either. Given the success of Kanye’s latest musical effort, his collaboration with Jay-Z, one must assume that he has genuine feelings for Kim, because it’s not like he needs the PR. He might be participating in this latest charade as a favor to her.

Moving on from Kim, pobrecita Khloe Kardashian is having a rough few months. First, insta-husband Lamar Odom was cut from the Dallas Mavericks. On Monday, Khloe tweeted the following, presumably to Lamar: ” “U deserve so much better. Know ur worth and know ur skills that have been proven and earned! U showed ur strength, I love u.” She was spotted at LAX by the TMZ cameras, and said “No, I like Dallas. I’m glad to be home, but I liked Dallas.”

A source tells Radar Online that Lamar is “depressed” after not only being fired from the Mavericks, but let go from the L.A. Lakers:

“Lamar hasn’t gotten over being traded from the Lakers, and he has been depressed and moody ever since it happened. Lamar felt that he was ripped away from his Laker family with no warning or notice. He couldn’t fathom the fact that the Lakers traded him after all of his years with the team.”

Radar reports that Khloe has a “romantic getaway” planned, to whisk Lamar away from the cameras. Except she might take E!’s reality show cameras. The source adds that, “Khloe has been extremely supportive of Lamar, but she is growing increasingly concerned for her husband because she has never seen him like this before.” A vacation may be just what the doctor ordered.

While Khloe has said she will follow Lamar wherever his NBA career takes him, this might be the end of the road. The insider adds, “Lamar wants to keep playing basketball, but it might be time for him to retire which has Khloe even more concerned.”

In even sadder news, Hollywood Life alleges that Khloe went through a miscarriage in February, and is worried that her inability to get pregnant will mean the end of their relationship. “She’s scared that if she doesn’t give Lamar a baby, then he’ll leave her.”

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Nary a day goes by without some Kardashian drama. Which is unfortunate for all of us, really. In the latest, Kim Kardashian continues with her sneaky, skankerific ways!

Despite recent gossip that she has been linked to Kanye West, it appears Ms. Whoredashian just cannot limit herself to one man – girl needs options. And she is making a play for her friend Eva Longoria‘s ex-boyfriend, Eduardo Cruz!

According to In Touch Weekly (via their print edition), Kim developed an attraction to Eduardo (who also happens to be actress Penelope Cruz‘s brother) and has started distancing herself from Eva in order to pursue him – even missing Eva’s recent birthday party. Eva and Eduardo called things off a few weeks ago and Kim has been on the prowl ever since. She’s been sending him flirty texts and sexy photos of herself – and she’s been trying to plan a secret romantic getaway to Mexico!

The Keeping Up With The Kardashians star supposedly met Eduardo at a party in Las Vegas before her wedding and was instantly attracted to him. Eduardo even attended her nuptials as Eva’s date. Unfortunately for Kim, Eduardo isn’t interested in being her flavor of the month and he is hoping to rekindle things with Eva instead.

Moving on, Kris Humprhies is, well… moving on! The NBA star reportedly has a new girlfriend – and she’s anything but famous – although she does resemble someone he was once married to who also happens to be famous.

Kris has reportedly started dating 28-year-old Toronto nurse Bianka Kamber – who is his also ex-girlfriend from his days of living in Canada. Kris wasn’t ready to settle down two years ago when the two were together, but now things have changed.

OK! is reporting that the ex-couple has rekindled things and Kris is hoping it gets serious. “Bianka was his first love,” an insider reveals. “She’s a very down-to-earth, sweet girl. He admits he wants to win her back.”

After seeing the two ladies, it’s definitely fair to say the Kourtney & Kim Take New York star has a type! “He thought I was a lot more attractive than Kim,” Bianka reveals. Another similarity seems to be the number of “K”s populating their names. Can we get a new alphabet letter, already…

And Kris is attracted to the fact that Bianka doesn’t try to control him the way his ex-wife did! “Bianka lets him do what he wants and she doesn’t really stress out that much,” the friend shares. “Kris can be the man in the relationship, wear the pants. He really got his ego messed up when he was with Kim; he just kept feeling so emasculated by it all.” Photos of Bianka are below. I smell a total famewhore with this one!

In other Kris H news, he is still refusing to sign divorce papers and instead is continuing his fight for a public trial and annulment – despite Kim making him a “generous” divorce offer.

E! News is reporting that the paperwork has been ready for months, but Kris is holding out in the hopes of getting a larger chunk of the Kardashian change! “There is a fair offer on the table,” a source explains, “but he just won’t sign it.”

“Kris is dragging it out,” the source says. “Kim is ready to move on, but Kris is hoping that stretching it out will get him even more money.” Reports are claiming that Kris wants $7 million from Kim in exchange for his silence and his promise to never speak of their marriage to the press.

Kim wants to buy his silence – but not for that much! “Kim never considered signing something like that,” the insider claims. “Kris can’t take the time to consider [her] offer, but he finds time to do an interview with a tabloid magazine.”

Kris feels he is owed money – particularly after all the stunts the Kardashians pulled post-wedding and the alleged $17M Kim earned for their nuptials. And if she wants the dissolution of their marriage to happen quickly, he wants her to pay up!

Kris’ attorneys have not commented on the latest allegation.

And finally, Kendall Jenner continues to prove that she has zero supervision while Kris Jenner runs around pimping and Bruce plays with helicopters. The sixteen-year-old famewhore in training, is wasting no time posting racy photos of herself on twitter for attention. Hey, she learned from the best!

Kris J’s second youngest paycheck posted a picture of herself in a skimpy bikini under the caption “miss summer!;” which prompted a whole host of inappropriate and raunchy replies from her followers – many of whom don’t seem to remember that she’s a minor.

Reports have speculated that Kris and Bruce’s marriage is in serious trouble over Kris pushing their teenaged daughters to be sexy in the spotlight. Perhaps there’s more truth to that than we think! The photo of Kendall is below.

IS KIM TRYING TO STEAL EVA’S MAN? DOES KRIS DESERVE A BIGGER DIVORCE SETTLEMENT FOR PUTTING UP WITH KIM? THOUGHTS ON HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND BIANKA? IS KENDALL’S PHOTO INAPPROPRIATE?

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