Kim, Kimminy, Kim, Kimminy, Kim, Kim, Kah-ree…if Kim needs a chimney sweep, out of luck is he! Why? Because he won't know which multi-million dollar Bel-Air mansion to go to for his chimney services. More on that in a bit. In the meantime, let's chat about Kim Kardashian is living beneath her means…for once.
Oh, and P.S., Kim doesn't want your mommy advice. She is quite capable of taking care of the tiny rapper's baby without you telling her how to live and what soft cheeses to avoid. Seriously. She hasn't listened to the countless people who have asked her to fade into obscurity, why would she want to hear from fans who think she needs to fly less and eat more greens? Please, as if y'all want to give Kim and Kanye West parenting advice…like it would help.
Oh Kim Kardashian…if I were a licensed psychiatrist, I might diagnose you as a classic one-upper. You've built an empire on which your entire family was riding the coattails until each of your siblings (inevitably) became famous in their own reality right. It's the snowball effect. And we're all dumber because of it.
Kim watched her sister Kourtney give birth to two precious children, and she counseled (cough, cough) sister Khloe who was suffering from infertility while trying to conceive with her husband. Of course, now Kim is pregnant with Kanye West's baby, but she can't stop one-upping her sisters. I'm gonnna let you talk Kourtney, but this baby is the best Kardashian baby of all time. Sorry Mason and Penelope. Y'all are officially old news. Don't even get me started on poor Khloe's efforts to have a child. Geez. I'll let Kim speak for me.
It's a small world when it comes to reality television…even smaller when you're talking about Beverly Hills. Everything seems to overlap, and the same is true when talking about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Those two are all over the place!
Of course, pimp momager Kris Jenner wants to make sure she still has the upper hand when it comes to taking care of her favorite daughter, and she's going to make sure she gets her way. Also interesting is how everyone's favorite househusband helped the couple secure their new home. We'll also hear from one of their uber famous soon-to-be neighbors.
Y'all realize that, no matter what, the Kardashians aren't going anywhere any time soon. That said, don't shoot the messenger! Actually, today's Kardashian trash is at least humorous enough to provide some sort of entertainment.
Here's a quick breakdown: Kim Kardashian doesn't want to still be married to Kris Humphries when she gives birth (but there is quite a catch!), and Kim and Kanye West maintain that Kimye, Jr. will not be a part of E!'s fall line-up. Again, I'll believe that when I see it! Finally, the youngKendall Jennerdoesn't want to follow in her family's famewhoring footsteps. Sure.
It's official! Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are moving in together. Unfortunately for us, the house is on this planet. Despite my best efforts to convince Sir Richard Branson, he refuses to offer them a free space flight and leave them stranded on the moon. I really tried to pull some strings. Sorry.
As you all can imagine, the tiny rapper and his poorly dressed lady love (I have to remind y'all of this. Seriously?) aren't just moving into any house. To paraphrase a drunk Kanye, I'm gonna let you talk, but this is the best house of all time. For realsies.
It's all about the Benjamins with those Kardashian girls, isn't it? Well, hopefully they haven't peeved the wrong tabloid, because word on the mean streets of media is that Us Weekly isn't happy with their frequent kash kows for keeping the publication out of the loop about Kimye, Junior's existence.
Instead the magazine was stuck with a "Kardashian exclusive" about Kourtney's post-baby weight loss while the Internet was buzzing about Kanye West's baby mama announcement. It seems that no one cares about Kourtney's flat belly when her sister Kim has a bun in the oven. Sorry, Kourt!
You could feel the collective intake of air when society as a whole learned the news that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West would be bringing a mini-Kimye into the world. If you were quiet enough, you could probably hear the dollar signs ka-chinging in Kris Jenner's eyeballs. Oh, the spin-offs! The elaborate and totally ridiculously expensive baby gifts (the child will need his or her own private jet)! The publicity! The magazine covers! Did I mention the spin-offs? How are we ever going to continue Keeping Up with theKardashians if they are constantly multiplying?
Kim and Kanye's khild is already internationally famous and the kid hasn't even been born yet. However, being famous for being conceived is far better than one his or her mother is famous for, right? Let's face it…the world had the same fearful reaction for the unborn child's fate when Jersey Shore's tequila-soaked, slipper-wearing, fist-pumping, underwear-forgetting meatball, and that situation (no pun intended) seems to be working out wonderfully. Snooki has truly taken to motherhood, and most people would likely agree that it seems to have changed her for the better. I'm hoping the same for Kim and wish her and tiny rapper my congratulations.
Give me a break. The X Factor needs to quietly into that good night. Is anyone still watching? If you are, will you still be watching if the Kardashians over take the show? L.A. Reid has already thrown in the towel once this season draws to a close, and rumors abound that Britney Spears will be getting fired for causing viewers to fall asleep while she's talking. It's clearly run its course.
Of course, Simon Cowell isn't willing to face facts. Instead, he's trying to salvage the American version of the talent show with an influx of new judges. Unfortunately for Simon, he's dipping into a pool of celebrities who won't likely take the bait. Oh wait, he wants Kim Kardashian. She'll do it…and she know a lot about music, right?
Sit back and relax. Let's delve into the X Factor's latest drama and then segue into some additional Kim K. drama. Is she preggers? Has she pressured brother Rob to go under the knife? These, my friends, are burning questions!