Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta it was the great booty show-down. Really. Kenya Moore decided to twirl all over Phaedra Parks' workout video and co-opt it as her own based purely on the fact that she thinks her butt is hotter and that she is more recognizable. Mind you, this is her opinion.
Things begin with Cynthia Bailey judging a hair show. And because she's contractually obligated to spend time with Kenya, Kenya shows up to "support" her. Kenya smizes at the camera, pretends to be earnest, and claims that she and Cynthia have started to become friends. Meanwhile Cynthia is shooting her a wicked stink eye and looking like the last booty she wants to see walk through the door belongs to Kenya.
Speaking of booties… it would appear there's a new horse in the OK get crazy and twirl corral. Chatting show-side with Lawrence and Derek J (bitchy step-sisters 1 & 2), it is revealed that the ever-humble, never wacky Kenya is coming out with her own booty workout video. A Stallion Workout video to be precise and that stallion aims to usurp Phaedra's donkey booty project.
Guess what, dear readers! It's the battle of the booties…the donkey booties! Dare I say it's epic! On the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, tell-it-like-it-is attorney and mortician Phaedra Parks went head to head with the self-proclaimed favorite new cast member Kenya Moore (And twist!) over a butt enhancing "exercise" video. Somewhere, right now, Richard Simmons is wearing short shorts and a puff-painted American flag muscle tee, rocking back and forth in a corner, and screaming, "Why God, why?" Poor man.
In such a assilicious situation, there is sure to be some discord, but, in my opinion, Kenya was pretty out of line with her demands. Phaedra agrees, and I'm certainly not one to go against anyone who spews gems of advice in the form of the most ridiculous life lessons. Let's be honest, only Phaedra can equate a fancy coffin to an opulent life style…while waxing poetic about dill pickles and homemade macaroni and cheese. Girlfriend is one of a kind, and I love her for it!
Last night's episode ofReal Housewives of Atlanta was brought to you by the Bravo Home Shopping Network. We also learned a very good lesson about donkeys – they are stubborn. Very stubborn. And the more expensive the shoe, the more said donkey digs her heels in!
Things begin in normal land, or should I say New Normal land with NeNe Leakes and the family relocating to LA and their temporary home in the Hollywood Hills. Luckily Kenya Moore was on hand to loan NeNe some peeing cupid statues and other hideous faux Versailles pieces. What nothing reminiscent of Gone With The Wind? No massive draperies in velvet? No partially burned in the Civil War looking shabby chic dining room sets? No Rhett Butler portraits? #amateur.
So yeah, NeNe has arrived and she is ready to thrive!
Moving back to the land of ATL, Kandi Burruss is celebrating Todd's birthday by baking him a cake from scratch with her daughter Riley. Kandi was using cooking tools and clearly had a grasp of how they worked. I have to admit I swooned a little at the down-to-earth moment. Riley is talking about how she wants to move into the guest house when she gets older.
"You can't fake emotions," Kenya maintains. "If he was playing games, I wasn't playing games." Uh huh – I think actresses can and do fake emotions all the time, and doesn't Kenya fancy herself an actress?
And after she did that talking bit that we all don't care about, Kenya did the for real important thing and that was to perform LIVE! Yes, LIVE! her new song "Gone With The Wind Fabulous." Is anyone else failing to see what exactly is so fabulous about GWTW? Has Kenya seen the movie? Read the book?
Really? Really? I think I just had a horrible nightmare. Oh it was so bad. There were tone-deaf desperate middle aged women twirling around in too tight clothes, screaming about their butts and security and sperm donors and Gone With The Wind. They were looking for a broken pageant crown. And worst of all… THEY WERE SINGING! They swore people thought they were Beyoncé. More like Beyon-fake.
Then I woke up and realized I was just watching Watch What Happens Live where it was announced that Kenya Moore is releasing a song based on the catchphrase she thinks is going to happen. Yes, below you can listen to the Gone With The Wind Fabulous audio. It sounds like an 80's workout video and the Real Housewives of Atlanta star was erroneously mislead into believing her "rap" is cute.
Real Housewives of Atlanta continues to be a favorite among the Bravo franchise, which is amazing. It's rare that a show can bring in new and volatile cast members and still remain on top of the ratings. If you've been watching RHOA, you know that Kenya Moore fancies herself the show's new break-out star.
Of course, for me, it's refreshing to hear from someone other than Kenya. The usually quiet (give or take a housewives spat) Porsha Stewart has found her voice, and she wants to be known for her philanthropy moreso than any RHOA drama. Can you blame her? In the meantime, Porsha is working really hard to remember how many days are in a year. 365, Porsha, three hundred and sixty-five.