Oh Real Housewives of New Jersey. I just don't know what to do with you. Like ever. Last night Melissa Gorga was officially accused of cheating by a former BFF who now doesn't like her. And since this is RHONJ some heavy betrayal was involved. Does anyone like Melissa in NJ? What did this girl do to make so many enemies? Did she give a lot of people unwanted sprinkle cookies?
Anyway, there was also talk of a retreat. I need a retreat from this show – am I invited?
Things begin with Wallpaper Wakile having a meeting of the minds in her brand new test kitchen. She's got her mixer all set up in one corner and the entire vast remainder of the industrial kitchen sits unused and empty. Pretty soon Kathy is going to start moving her bed, her dresser, all her clothes, etc in because if there's one things she's realized about ol' test kitchen – it's a great retreat from Richie. And one long overdue.
And speaking of retreats from hubbies, here comes Caroline Manzo. Is Al in the same country as her anymore? Caroline, Jacqueline Laurita, and Rosie the Rampager are meeting to talk about Rosie's big meet-n-drink with Teresa Giudice. Rosie reveals that the pounding on the table severely bruised the cartilage in her hand. Rosie needs serious help. Gross.
Teresa Giudice has had some interesting fashion choices since she first hit our TV screens on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. We were feeling nostalgic today, pining for those days of RHONJ when things were less complicated and dark. Plus, we have a few thousand photos to use up in our contract by month's end, so we figured why not take a look back at some of the greatest fashion moments in Housewives history. You've been warned – this week is going to be a funky – and sometimes frightening – fashion palooza!
First up we're bringing you a Teresa flashback, starting around 2009. I tried to pick photos that we haven't seen a million times already and since we didn't have a contract with this particular agency back then, we found some real gems!
Jennifer gave an interview this week, slamming Teresa Giudice's good friend Kim D, who happens to be a lover of good drama and knows what it takes to make good reality TV. Jennifer is catching on quickly. During the course of the phone interview, Jennifer called Kim a shit starter, a retard, and said she looked like a drag queen..among other things.
Kim hit back at Jennifer, calling her a dirtbag, and "insignificant". She also shared that Jennifer had given up three of her kids to their dads.
Kim DePaola returned to Real Housewives of New Jersey this season, continuing her role as resident drama starter. The scheming sidekick chats with Tom Murro about everything from getting back in the dating game to addressing those stripper rumors and more!
Kim D. broke up with her boyfriend back in September and then he passed away in November. She's been off the market for a long time and admits that she may be ready to dip her toes back in the dating pool again.
While Kim may be ready to date, she's not ready to give online dating a try just yet. She says "Nooo way! Never!" to Match.com, even thought it's been a while since she had "some". "It's been a real long time, I'm an emotional girl, I'm not a dog in heat, I need to care about the guy before that happens''
Jennifer shares RHONJ sought her out after people in her neighborhood suggested her for the show. She met with them a few times but then found out she was pregnant. Jennifer says things weren't good in her marriage at the time, so she told the NJ people she was no longer interested. Shortly after that they reached out and offered her an episode of Pregnant in Heels.
On the Melissa Gorgahouse showing disaster on the second episode: "I actually brought two clients and my assistant who showed the other client the house while I took Misa around". Jennifer laughs and says she can't believe Melissa even let them film in that room. "If you knew the sink was broken and you knew the water wasn't working and knew there was no shower curtain or glass for the shower, why in the hell would you even allow it?"
Alright kiddos, so Real Housewives of New Jersey happened so let's all take a break from bashing our heads against the wall to read this recap. I personally would rather go through another drug-free labor than spend one more minute on the Teresa Giudice vs. Melissa Gorga mess, but hey – duty calls. Oh – and in case you haven't heard I had a baby this week! Word to the wise: try to get to the hospital in a timely manner, right Melissa?!!
Last night Teresa and Melissa put forth another round of she-said/she-said; bobbing and weaving around the ring like two drag queens in a RuPaul's Drag Race boxing challenge. Except the fashionably challenged version! It was sparkly leopard print verbal uppercut blocked by spray-tanned orange fauxmarble encrusted sucker punch. And a low-brow duck followed by a high-brow weave and spin. Before we knew it, fur was flying and Caroline Manzo's front yard petting zoo had died in vain over more of Teresa and Melissa's nonsense.
Since we're talking boxing – things begin in a gym. Apparently all of Franklin Lakes and its surrounding lower echelon suburbs go to the same gym and NONE of them knew it! Just imagine… no awkward collisions at the lowfat banana smoothie bar ever occurred! Who would believe it?!
Teresa Giudicecelebrated Gia's birthday back in January and the photos seemed to tell the story of a scuffle between Teresa and sister-in-law Melissa Gorga. We now know that the argument is over Teresa and Joey's father, Giacinto Gorga. Papa Gorga was hospitalized back in November and Teresa is "interrogizing" Melissa about if and when she paid a visit to her father-in-law. Melissa swears she's visited him soon after, but Teresa insists it wasn't until four days later. Melissa then adds in that she waited because of a sore throat. They can't even agree on what day Papa G was admitted. Let the petty shenanigans of season 5 begin!