Even though it's my job to blog on reality shows, and while I love every housewives franchise for different reasons, I have a hard time following the rumors swirling around the upcoming season of Real Housewives of New Jersey…mainly because it's exhausting. One minute Jacqueline Laurita is bowing out, the next minute most of the cast is being replaced by people who will actually film with Teresa Giudice. Add in the off-again-on-again family relationships and friendships, and my head is spinning!
However, this new gossip is beyond awesome. Two words: Lil' Kim. I'll get back to that later, but it's hilariously amazing. According to sources in the Garden State, all of the women will be returning for another round. Yes, that means we'll all be getting our fill of Jacq, Teresa, Melissa Gorga, Caroline Manzo, and Kathy Wakile. Not only will all of the ladies be back for more, we'll be treated to some additional familiar faces as well as some newcomers. Count on some Kims, that's for sure!
Hell hath no fury like a cheap extension loving woman with clothes to hawk! ApparentlyKim D (and the "D" stands for dastardly) is signing into the new season of Real Housewives of New Jersey with a serious ax to grind and one Melissa Gorga is quaking in her boots. Maybe she can write a song about it…
Apparently Kim does run with the big boys – and those big boys go by the name of Bravo! Kim has been in "top-secret" negotiations with Bravo a source tells The National Enquirer and is developing a scheme to take Melissa down and vindicate Teresa Giudice. And Kim frankly doesn't give a damn if the other women of the cast like her or not! Did I ever tell you guys I secretly love the Kims something awful?
“Bravo knows Kim D would bring some serious drama to the show, and that’s going to mean huge ratings," a source shares. And the network is reportedly over the two-seasons long family hate fest the show turned into and they are looking for some new ways to cause controversy, but they're keeping ties with Kim veeeeery secret!
Guess what, y'all? Real Housewives of New Jersey'sTeresa Giudice isn't divorcing Juicy Joe after Christmas! She's waiting for Groundhog's Day…it's more appropriate. Not that I thought all the rumors were a publicity stunt or anything, cough, cough. Of course Teresa is on hand to debunk any divorce gossip that may be heading her way. I can't say I blame her.
At a recent NephCure fundraiser, Teresa was quick to put the kibosh on any talk that she and Joe were heading in different directions. I'll be honest….I never thought that Teresa would engage in such a public divorce. She knows where her bread is buttered. No, it's not with Joe, but it's with the publicity she gets as a reality star who is married to someone whose relationship often makes or breaks the tabloids. Tre has to be totally exhausted.
Because Bravo knows a good thing when it sees it, last night we were treated to even more madness from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. While the season was supposed to be over after the reunion trilogy (The Hunger Games it was not), the network decided to milk a little bit more out of the women and the viewers. So it is without further ado, I present to you the lost footage from season four. It's actually very telling to see what ended up on the cutting room floor, and what's being revisited in light of the ongoing feud surrounding Teresa Giudice and everyone elseMelissa Gorga. Editing truly is magical!
Narrated by Andy Cohen, the episode takes us behind the scenes of what happened during the season and at the far-too-drawn-out reunion. Buckle up (if you haven't boycotted the show yet!), and enjoy the bumpy ride with Melissa, Teresa, Caroline Manzo, Jacqueline Laurita, and Kathy Wakile. It's truly a sight.
We begin with a lost cause…Andy is trying to convince Juicy Joe (once again) that homophobic slurs are offensive and nasty. Joe is all, Ahhwatdisagain? before turning into a brick wall of Who Cares. By the way, did you know that Joe went on a boat ride with seven guys and one of them was gay? He is not a homophobe. The comments he made about Gregg Bennett were meant to be funny, not mean. He's so sorry Greggy doesn't have a sense of humor! Jacqueline tells Andy that she thinks Joe speaks more out of ignorance than maliciousness. Fair enough.
Oh Lord. Who knew that stripper-gate would be the scandal of our generation? Somewhere Richard Nixon is laughing his arse off at all of this. I gave up wishing the ladies of Real Housewives of New Jersey would go away in the off season, but doesn't it sound like such a nice break?
We'll probably never know exactly what happened between Melissa Gorga and sister-in-law Teresa Giudice. To be honest, I don't even care anymore. At all. Of course, the women think we do, so they're going to keep talking about until the next big drama occurs. You do realize that means we'll be hearing about this until the show airs again, right? That's kind of a long way off from now. Yikes.
I know you're waiting with baited breath, so I'll get right to the point of this post. Melissa takes to her Bravo blog to answer her fans' most burning questions. It's deep y'all!
So we've made it. It's the end of Real Liars Housewives of New Jersey. I don't know about you, but I am so relieved to be done with this show. I don't know where I stand on things other than to say that I can see everyone's points as valid, but I'm tired of hearing about them.
So let's get started. We begin with Juicy Giudice still under interrogation. He's familiar with it by now, I suppose, given all his legal infractions. Caroline Manzo's comments about how Teresa Giudice will leave her husband and write a book about it if he goes to prison are revisited.
Caroline seems to be saying without saying it that editing minced her comment or took it out of context. Or perhaps she just doesn't want to admit that she said and meant it. There's so much backpedaling with these people I never know what to think. Anyway, Caroline dismisses it as a "hypothetical" and Juicy snaps that Caroline is a "know it all" She is – a very unwarranted 'know it all.'
Caroline says since Teresa is discussing her marriage with magazines, it's fair game. Andy Cohen asks about Joe admitting in Napa they got paid by the magazines, but all of the sudden it's denies, denies, denies. 'Huh? I said that? I was drunk? Whaddai say?' Joe and Teresa are masters of obfuscation. That should be their next book!
I'll be the first to admit that I finally took a stand on my feelings for Real Housewives of New Jersey'sTeresa Giudice after watching that horrid first installment of the reunion. Now I may be eating my words…just a bit. A very little bit. I still don't feel sorry for her, and I think I may keel over if I ever hear her utter the words "I was wrong" or "I lied." However, now I don't feel badly for any of them. They are all a bunch of fame whores as evidenced by the new Us Weekly cover story. You have to love that they're all wearing red. I guess they got Tre's devil memo!
You have to love the hypocrisy that comes with being a New Jersey housewife. One minute Jacqueline Laurita, Caroline Manzo, Melissa Gorga, and Kathy Wakile are calling out Teresa for hawking her story on magazine cover after magazine cover (after magazine cover!), the next minute they are gracing the pages of Us Weekly (high brow…no In Touch for these gals!) and bashing their former friend. Eye roll.
In a five page spread, the women spill all the details of their fallout with Tre. Now, I don't doubt for one second that Teresa is a textbook narcissist, but how is moaning about her in a national publication going to change that? Are these ladies actually expecting her to have some sort of epiphany and change her ways? Doesn't anyone know how to take the high road anymore? Geez. Build a bridge, people!
Oh, Teresa Giudice. Didn't your very sweet mama ever teach you that if you don't have anything nice to say, zip it? I'm guessing that old-fashioned adage came before the era of reality TV! In the days following the first installment of the circus of crazy known as the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, all eyes are on the ladies as they scramble to defend their deplorable behavior.
In a Bravo blog I'm suuuuure she wrote herself, Teresa sorta, maybe, kinda, a little bit takes accountability while also pointing fingers at others. Just to be fair – all the ladies are behaving similarly! Let's get this started.
"Like every Housewife in every city, I think filming the reunion is one of the worst parts of our job. It's a long, long day, it always gets ugly, it's hard to sit through and even harder to watch. At least this year I knew what I was walking into: I knew the other cast members, even my family, were going to band together to bash me. Last year was a total shock. This year was just sickening and sad."
"They're so desperate to make me look bad. Here's the thing: I don't care. I know who I am and I don't need to prove it to any of them. And I'm certainly not going to waste my off-camera, family time looking up words in the dictionary and making obsessive lists about them."