Apologies in advance for the poor embarrassing tragic photoshopping skills. With that being said, let’s get right to the recap of episode 11 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, brilliantly titled – Staub Wounds.
The episode starts out with a scene of Teresa and hubby Juicy Joe, as they get the girls ready so Joe can take them out. For a minute there, I was touched at the thought of Joe being a good father to his little girls, well that is, until Teresa casually mentions that Joe threats their daughters like boys, you know because he hasn’t been able to get the son(s) he wants after 4 tries…
Things then take a disturbing turn when Joe makes his very young daugthers fight each other after their karate lesson. I just found this scene to be all kinds of wrong and disturbing. Nothing wrong with putting his daugthers in karate/taekwondo, but the making them fight each other was just wrong and icky to watch.
We move on to victim Danielle, who has decided the best way to protect her weave self is to take self defense classes, at the suggestion of her ex-con rumored bed buddy Danny, who spends the entire time standing back in ring glaring at Dirty D. Danielle of course is involving her two daugthers in her quest to be the ultimate fighter. Danny suggests Danielle picture Teresa and Jacqueline in front of her as a means to add more fuel to her fighting fire. The Bravo cameras then pan to Danielle’s daugther Christine, who looks pretty embarrassed and would probably rather be back home doing homework at this moment.
Danielle gives us her best dose of crazy during her 1 on 1 interview when she declares, “Walking away is not good enough for them. They want to make you feel like the prey. And then they sit there and they go, I don’t know why you keep you saying you’re the victim. Well Bitch cause I am. Stop effing chasing me!”
The former prostitution coke whore then declares, “It only takes one good smack to the head to make a person never walk again.”
We see Jacqueline at home, and Kim Granatell, who is arguably the most two faced person in the universe, decides to pay a visit. I’m just going to refer to Kim G. as the newest housewife from here on out. I don’t even think she’s auditioning anymore for a slot on the show, she has obviously replaced Dina. No need to wait for a press release from Bravo. So why exactly did Kim G. show up to Jacque’s? Well to stir up the drama pot of course! The two rehash the country club drama and Kim G. informs us clumps did indeed come out of Danielle’s head.
Next up, we see Mama Bear Caroline making individualized eggs for all three of her very adult children. Two of the kids leave to go to work and Caroline and Albie McHottie Manzo discuss his future. Albie informs his mom that he needs to get a recommendation letter from his old law school before he can get into a new school.
Teresa, who filed bankruptcy just a few weeks before this episode was filmed, is shown going into Kim DePaola’s boutique Posche to do some shopping, but then again Teresa is never really shown shopping, but rather talking during her time there. Teresa once again assures the world her house is absolutely not in foreclosure. Stalker Wannabe new housewife Kim G. then randomly shows up, wearing a very age inappropriate sleeveless fur attire. Teresa once again states that she meant well in trying to strike up a conversation with Danielle, despite admitting on last week’s episode of Watch What Happens that her intention was to confront Danielle on some of the rumors she was spreading about her.
Teresa then makes a funny, the funniest quote of the night actually, when she states, “The only thing I regret about that night was pushing Kim G. because she is an older woman and I do respect the elderly.” Hilarious, especially considering that it came from the very unintelligent Teresa. And how old is Kim G. by the way? She can’t be a day younger than 70 60, no?