Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! So what you're about to read has got to be one of the most far-fetched and ridiculous things I've ever heard, until you realize it's about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, and ridiculousness for these two is any given Tuesday. It would actually be more far-fetched to hear about them doing something normal…like grocery shopping, or volunteering, or, I don't know, staying out of the public eye for a quick minute.
Sadly, we all know that will never happen. Ever. So, in the meantime, let's discuss North West'sfirst birthday, shall we? It's today. Happy birthday, kid. Use those candles to wish for a tiny bit of normalcy, to never be dressed by your father, and that genetics don't curse you with your mother's ass.
Today, Farrah tells us why she outshines all other porn stars, forgets a major detail about the main character in her erotic trilogy, and gives us a glimpse of what to expect from book one, Celebrity Sex Tape: In The Making.
Farrah hates being called a porn star – poor thing – so she feels the need to explain to us regular folk the difference between a sex tape and a porn. "I think people purposely don't know how to separate a celebrity sex tape and a regular porn. I mean, I have wonderful friends who are in the adult industry. They make porn for a living – that is what they always do. Like, payment is different. Like, living your life is different. Taking care of yourself. Everything is different."
Parents of the Year (something tells me that is the title of an upcoming Kanye Westdelusional rant rap!) After returning from their honeymoon last week, Kim Kardashian and Kanye are back to their busy jobs of… taking more trips!
The Keeping Up With The Kardashians couple just returned from a lavish trip through Prague and Ireland and now they are headed to Punta Mita for another lavish trip at a private home to celebrate Kanye's 37th birthday. How is that not declared a national holiday?
Unfortunately Kimye may be missing something important… daughter North's first birthday. Kim knew there was something she forgot, but she assumed it was a hair appointment. North turns 1 on June 15th, which is this Sunday so hopefully they'll return in time. (They probably will since it's also Father's Day – photo ops!) Honestly I think the most time those two have spent with their child is when they posed for their Vogue cover. However a source tells Us Weekly Kim is planning to have another baby soon. Kim is hoping for a boy.
Who doesn't love listening to Kris Jenner wax poetic about just how amazing Kim Kardashian's wedding was to tiny rapper Kanye West? I know I can't get enough of it. However, I've been waiting for her to tackle the real hard-hitting issues from the ceremony and reception.
I don't care about the golden porta-potties or the tantrums, I want to know about the things that really matter. I want to know how Kris felt about Bey and Jay skipping out on the tacky affair. I want to know what in holy hell Jaden Smith was thinking when he dressed in a silver Batman costume for the event. Really? I think it's time his parents decide to actually implement some rules with their children. Uncle Phil would be sorely disappointed. Rest in peace.
The episode starts with Khloe talking about her divorce and how she is handling it. Her description of how she is dealing with it sounds a lot like denial. Khloe decides jumping on her trampoline and hanging out at Casa de Kris is the best way to combat an ugly divorce, that and constantly referencing how her va jay-jay is trying to swallow her itty bitty daisy dukes. Yes Khloe, we’ve all seen your camel toe. Side note: did Khloe just say Kim looks like Paula Abdul? Poor Paula, she doesn’t deserve that.
About Kim's wedding, Krisgushed, "It was so beautiful and magical – and that feeling went through every single person. It was just a love fest. It was the most wonderful time I think I've ever had and it's hard to explain that to somebody in words." Kris also revealed thatKim has changed her name to Kim Kardashian West. At least for the next 72ish days.
The sole Kardashian male (I'm not countingBruce Jenner– sorry!) has been battling his weight and all but disappeared from public life this year. Then he bailed on Kim Kardashian's massive wedding fiasco, very publicly leaving Paris the day before the nuptials took place amid reports of Kim fat shaming him. Butt, perhaps, Rob had a crystal ball that told him of the chaos.