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rhobh-recap

Last night Carlton Gebbia really let the witch out of the bag – flying broomsticks, evil spells, creepy crystal floral talismans and all! 

Kyle Richards and Lisa Vanderpump are friends-ish again. Well at least for the sake of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills purposes. Since Ken and Mauricio truly are friends, Kyle and Lisa decide to get together with Kevin Lee (!!) to throw a joint birthday party. Oh Kevin Lee… let's discuss what's going on atop your head: part Brillo pad, part tasered porcupine: too much hair gel, mmmkay. 

As Lisa and Kyle divvy up the guest list Kyle gets all porcupiney - she just wants to know why there's gotta be teams allocating who invites whom. 

UGH – let's just take a moment to discuss Kyle. Listen, Kyle was annoying me the whole episode: she kept making her little snarky comments, making everything into a bigger deal than it was, and sneaking in shade while acting like everything was fine – basically she was Splits-ing. But then CARLTON! Snarlton… SNARLTON with her Wicked Witch of The Valley complete with California Raisin face had to go all wicca-wacka and made me feel bad for Kyle. There's more to Kyle's witchiness than her fondness for flowing robes, but compared to Snarlton, Kyle is a sweet innocent. 

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David Foster Honored With Star On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame

Well, I guess I should be happy that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Brandi Glanville kept her Bravo blog to two pages and her held her normally sharp tongue. I guess in the wake of her deteriorating friendships with once tight co-stars, she's learning to use that filter we've all been praying she has! She discusses her broken hand and shares her reason for getting annoyed by Lisa Vanderpump's mothering, as well as Yolanda Foster's painting party. She also touches on Carlton Gebbia's disdain for Kyle Richards and Joyce Giraud's aversion to spells. Joke's on her, right? Or rather on her husband…

Brandi begins, "I broke my hand on a Thursday. I had my friend who is a MMA fighter and boxer wrap it for me and was happy to go to Carlton's party on Sunday. I did not go to the doctor for a few reasons. First, I barely had any time to — and second I didn't have medical insurance at the time. I had been trying for the last year to get medical coverage, but had been turned down because of a pre-existing condition. I have two little boys to take care of and I didn't want to waste my money on myself and have yet another reason to be turned down for insurance," adding, "I now have medical insurance, and, yes, my hand did heal a little deformed. My best friend drove up from San Diego, thank goodness, because with my right hand broken I couldn't really do my hair or makeup, and so I got a helping hand from my girls."

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rhobh-recap-kim-werepuppy

Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills two things of note happened: 1) Carlton Gebbia proved that she is actually insane and 2) Kim Richardsgoogly-eyed participation in a Has-been Celebrity Convention where she cuddled a werepuppy. Also Yolanda Foster got annoyed that the allure of her lemontology wasn't strong enough for Lisa Vanderpump to skip a business meeting. That's Lisa, babe! 

Things begin at Carlton's house, which looks like it sits in an abandoned lot outside the airport. There's no landscaping which sucks if you're inviting a zillion people to a daytime pool party in JULY. I know why Carlton's skin looks like a dehydrated orange peel! 

The whole theme of this party is "Americana" except… all the decorations came from Hustler and Carlton wore a sequined bikini from a 1992 Victoria's Secret catalog. And there were no shade tents - we Americans really like covered pavilions. Carlton ships her kids away to their grandmother's and warns them she may embarrass them, which is the understatement of Carlton's appearance on this show. Everything she does is embarrassing!

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Dr. Ava Cadell

It looks like Brandi Glanville is about to have some competition in the outrageous department because Real Housewives of Beverly Hills may be getting racier! 

According to Popdust.com RHOBH is about to undergo a major shakeup. Kim Richards is the first name on the chopping block but several other castmates are also being closely evaluated. “Kim is definitely on the outs and it’s very likely Kyle [Richards] will go with her, so there’s going to be two spaces to fill.”

Producers are looking for "over-the-top ladies who bring the drama" to round-out the cast. Basically, they want more ladies that represent the true Beverly Hills lifestyle but won't be wallflowers. 

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Lisa Vanderpump and Kim Richards

I don't even know what to say about this so I'm just gonna report the information and let y'all brilliant readers have your way with it. 

Kim Richards is all riled up because Lisa Vanderpump RSVP'd no her daughter's graduation party and then… wait for it: didn't show up! But she sent a gift. #Witch Now she has declared war on her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills castmate!

Kim is able to forgive Brandi Glanville for calling her a meth addict on national TV and telling people she pooped on her pillow, but not forgive Lisa for decorum and the truth came out on twitter! Kim is now Brandi's friend and Brandi and Lisa are now NOT friends. In fact, according to the wisdom of Kingsley Kim, everything bad that has ever happened on RHOBH like in the history of the show is ALL LISA'S FAULT. 

A viewer recently tweeted Kim warning her about trusting Brandi, stating: "Look what she did to Lisa." and Kim responded with, “What did Brandi do to her? I KNOW!! Brandi says stupid things things!! But … I PROMISE U!! EVERYTHING LISA DOES IS FOR A REASON!! …..NEVER JUST BECAUSE SHE LOVES ❤U" Basically it's the same old-same old "playing chess" nonsense that Kyle Richards has been spewing for ever. 

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rhobh-recap-lisa

Ahhhhhh… Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where mothering is a crime against humanity because naturally that's the nanny's job. In Beverly Hills one also needs to be heavily armed and ready at any moment for home invaders. I'd be more worried about closet raiders, but you know if broke into Yolanda Foster's house I'd go straight for the Hermes belt collection. Just me?

We begin at Carlton Gebbia's house where she's hosting a party to promote naked girls. Carlton: the Playboy mansion you are not. Carlton's "nanny", who is never near children ever, which given her behavior is probably a good thing, helps choose exotic dancers to perform.

Carlton drones monotonously for the 400th time that she loves women. I am out of patience with this cougar-in-heat trying to be the Joe Francis of the middle-aged. I'm sure Carlton's daughters aren't embarrassed at allll to be seeing their mother's Sexford Wife shenanigans. 

Brandi Glanville adopted a new dog named Buddy to distract her kids from Chica's disappearance. Brandi hates Buddy and complains that he wants to be near her. He peed on her bed - yeah that's annoying, but I'm sure Brandi has also peed on her bed in a drunken stupor. 

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Frozen World Premiere at El Capitan Theater

Amid rumors that she's being fired from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for being boring, Kim Richards is writing one of her first blogs of the season. Of course Kim has lots to say about Lisa Vanderpump missing her daughter Kimberly's graduation party. 

True to form, good ol' Rambles meanders through her reactions to the episode. 

First of all Kim tells us what an intimate and personal event Kimberly's party was. "I only invited a small group of only our closest friends and family," Kim writes. Which includes the entire RHOBH cast? "All the people that came are so special to me and have played a part of Kimberly and my lives." 

"When I invited everyone, most people received evites and there were just a handful that I happened to invite myself – Lisa was one of those people," Kim writes. "I really was on the fence with who I wanted there. I had to consider the limited space and I did not want any problems or fighting on this very special night."

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Season 4

You have to love Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Lisa Vanderpump. She can throw shade with the best of them and still sound classy to boot. For example, in her Bravo blog this week she touts her extensive charity work while subtly scolding Kim Richards for calling her a liar for saying she couldn't attend her daughter's graduation because she was out of town. She also schools her Emily Post style. As for Brandi Glanville's behavior towards Joyce Giraud? Lisa couldn't be more appalled, but it's so understated, it's like the perfect strand of pearls. 

Lisa begins by talking about traveling to St. Louis for her volunteer work–and Giggy's!–to reveal why she wasn't able to make Kimberly's graduation shindig. She writes, "Now Giggy is a personality in his own right, so I needed a charity that would fit his profile — and children with alopecia was a perfect match. Now can I compare Giggy's hair loss with that of a child's? Of course not, but I knew that Giggy could make a difference, bring some levity to what otherwise can be a somber affair. When Giggy appears and we talk with the children and teenagers — many of whom watch him every week, many had just seen him on Dancing With the Stars — the message is clear. Should alopecia stop you being the very best you can be? We asked the children if they thought he would be cuter with his fur. They unanimously answered no he was perfect, so then I gently remind them that is the way people feel about them."

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