I know Lisa Vanderpump is busy running Pump, running interference on the SUR staff, arranging flowers at Villa Blanca, and being all around the most fabulous person on the planet to get away with magenta and jade colored satin (only she can!), but I’d like to suggest she teach a class on how to be a Bravo housewife that people want to watch.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has proven time and time again that she’s classy but not stuffy, snarky without being gross, professional but not rigid, and condescending without being…well, she’s just good at being condescending, and I love it! Many of her counterparts on the other franchises could certainly benefit from her wisdom! This season, she’s distanced herself from drama, but not enough that she can’t passive aggressively comment on it. We’re seeing more of her family time, and she’s just viewing the insanity from a distance. Clearly, she’s gotten her fill of crazy on this season’s Vanderpump Rules! Her take on this week’s episode is no different.
Eileen wins the episode:Kyle Richards and Brandi Glanville scream at each other and she quips, “I do not know how to make that better. What do you do? Get a hose and hose them down?”
Eileen wins the internet: “I have to first address one thing: the words ‘reckless’ and ‘you should be disappointed in yourself’ should never, EVER pass the lips of Brandi Glanville. Unless she’s referring to herself. THAT IS ALL.”
Brandi Glanville took to her blog to apologize for her incessant whines (“You scratched me!”), low blows (“You’re not wanted … Ask your husband!”), and violent threats (“I will knock your teeth out!”) on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this week. HAHA. Just kidding. There wasn’t a single mention of anything she said or did that was out of line. Brandi focused solely on how terrible Kyle Richards was to her guests and her sister.
Brandi called out Kyle for asking Kim Richards why she was in the hospital. This was likely a staged conversation to fill in viewers, but Brandi needs it for her narrative. “Kyle asks her sister why she was in the hospital. There. I will leave it at that. She doesn’t even know WHY her sister was in the hospital more than a week later. It was a hernia, fractured rib, and disc issues – very serious, very painful injuries and medical issues for a single woman over 40.”
Kyle first wants to clear up a few things about last week’s episode after she read Brandi’s own blog. “I’d like to address Brandi’s attempt to twist the events that played out at Eileen’s poker night in her blog last week. It’s an insult to our intelligence. We all SAW with our own eyes exactly what happened. To say that I wanted this to play out in front of the cameras to hurt my sister is her way of trying to poison our minds, as well as Kim’s. We all saw that I walked AWAY, into the bathroom where my sister followed ME. I asked my sister repeatedly to cover her microphone which she insisted she didn’t want to do, because she had nothing to hide. If I had wanted to make a scene at the poker table, I had plenty of opportunities to do so.”
Before I continue with this recap I have two points to make:
1) Can we stop with the “My gays”? No one has “gays!” Just like no one has “heteros!” I loathe the so-called possession and ownership of “gays.” Gay people are just people, who are not ubiquitously defined by their sexuality no matter what Real Housewives want us to think. Plus, whatever “gays” Kyle has cobbled together, they clearly do not love her that much to let her dress that bad! Maybe it’s passive-aggressive payback for her leading them around LA referring to them as My Gay 1, My Gay Blonde, My Gay Ladysitter…
2) Why the hell would anyone fight for possession of “My Kim”? They do realize Kims come with Kingsley. And also, at the end of the day (HA!), it’s still Kim – who is praying to a trashcan and speaking gobbledy-goop, insisting it’s a language you just haven’t learned yet! It’s just Kim taking cancer medication as a fun-zany experiment while she accidentally smokes a dildo because she confused it with the e-cigarette she bought from that kiosk in the mall, on Tuesday, errrrr… I mean Wednesday, errrr… I mean during the 9, uhhhh 7, uuummmm 5 days she was in Promises Malibu the hospital working on her tan!
Just when you think things can’t get any worse between Brandi and Kyle Richards, Brandi threatens to knock Kyle’s teeth out, continues to meddle in Kyle and Kim’s relationship and takes a low blow at Kyle’s marriage to Mauricio Umansky.
Tonight Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd will also face the tough decision whether to divulge to son Max the names of his birth parents.
CLICK CONTINUE READING TO SEE A CLIP OF TONIGHT’S EPISODE
The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star is just like whatev about her bizarre behavior during Eileen Davidson‘s poker night. The one where she, BrandiGlanville, and Kyle Richards resorted to scrapping in the driveway while a horrified Vince looked on, sipping a Corona, like who needs cable – cancel that Dish subscription! I hope he took bets on who would whine and cry the loudest over being scratched by a janky bangle bracelet.
Sipping on the ole’ juice of denial, Rambles chastises us for mistaking her sadness for weakness and explains just how she found herself slipping pain pills and slipping out of control! The gist of the blog is that nothing, nada, not one thing is Kim’s fault.
She starts off apologizing – sort of – for being so rude to Eileen Davidson about her home’s decor. “I really do think I should apologize to Eileen and Vince for disrespecting your home. I should have taken a page from the rest of the women and said one thing to their faces and a completely different thing behind their backs. Apparently that is what “classy” women do.”