You have to love Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Lisa Vanderpump. She can throw shade with the best of them and still sound classy to boot. For example, in her Bravo blog this week she touts her extensive charity work while subtly scolding Kim Richards for calling her a liar for saying she couldn't attend her daughter's graduation because she was out of town. She also schools her Emily Post style. As for Brandi Glanville's behavior towards Joyce Giraud? Lisa couldn't be more appalled, but it's so understated, it's like the perfect strand of pearls.
Lisa begins by talking about traveling to St. Louis for her volunteer work–and Giggy's!–to reveal why she wasn't able to make Kimberly's graduation shindig. She writes, "Now Giggy is a personality in his own right, so I needed a charity that would fit his profile — and children with alopecia was a perfect match. Now can I compare Giggy's hair loss with that of a child's? Of course not, but I knew that Giggy could make a difference, bring some levity to what otherwise can be a somber affair. When Giggy appears and we talk with the children and teenagers — many of whom watch him every week, many had just seen him on Dancing With the Stars — the message is clear. Should alopecia stop you being the very best you can be? We asked the children if they thought he would be cuter with his fur. They unanimously answered no he was perfect, so then I gently remind them that is the way people feel about them."
She begins, "Carlton asked me and some of her other girlfriends to meet up for a pole dancing lesson before we went over to Kimberly's graduation party. Although Kim and I were not super close at this point, I honestly couldn't remember a time since I've known her that she had hosted anything, so I was definitely not going to miss it. Carlton had a few drinks before our class. I was not on the same level, but almost instantly I starting feeling dizzy and nauseous. I assumed it was motion sickness from the poles spinning. But later I spiked a fever and was throwing up for the next day-and-a-half, so I think its safe to assume I caught some sort of bug and it wasn't just motion sickness." Oh girl. I was born, but it wasn't yesterday!
Continuing, Brandi writes, "We head over to Kim's and I thought it might be a good idea to grab a burger before we went in to hopefully help Carlton sober up a bit and help me to stop feeling so crappy. I feel bad I was ill at Kim's house, but it really couldn't have been helped. It was better that we didn't stay anyhow because Joyce was there in some ridiculous get up and I didn't want to have a confrontation with Miss Attention Seeker a high school graduation party."
With ratings for this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills not that impressive (especially compared to their Real Housewives of Atlanta counterparts), Bravo is ready to do a recast.
Unsurprisingly the first name on the chopping block is Kim Richards. We've heard this rumor before and last season it was even stated that Kim was actually demoted to a supporting character but when Bravo was unable to find a third new lady willing to join they promoted her back to Housewives status. Unfortunately this season Kim's storyline is all about a dog and that is not grabbing viewers' interest!
Now a source tells Radar Online that this season will be Kim's last. “The network is not entirely happy with the ratings for the current season of Beverly Hills and sadly, despite being Paris Hilton‘s aunt, she has little going on in her life,” a production source says.
Carlton explains her policy about doing reality TV, "When I signed on to do this reality journey, I made a decision that it was all or nothing — the good the bad and the ugly. How can I show the honest story of who I am without honestly exposing who I am? Yes I've had a few messy moments that make my toes curl, but I own it and truly apologize when necessary. Who hasn't? Unfortunately mine was on camera! This is my truth, my reality. I'm not perfect, nor am I trying to be. If I start manipulating my behavior and start becoming rehearsed then it's just another one of them doing a bad acting job. It's fake. I don't manufacture anything about who I am, what you see is all of me — unedited so to speak."
That said, she explains that this week's episode wasn't her best and she offers an apology to Kim. "This week's episode is definitely not my finest hour. However I sincerely apologize if I appear insensitive to Kim's plight or to anyone else for that matter who suffers the same devastating addiction and battle. It certainly was not my intention to be disrespectful. I've already spoken and apologized to Kim."
Taking to her Bravo blog, Jacqueline Joyce begins, "This week's episode was quite interesting for me to watch as I discovered hypocrisy at its maximum exposition. At the beginning of the episode it was interesting to see Carlton and Brandi in their element at the pole dancing. I can understand why they like each other so much," adding, "What I can't understand is how in the world was Carlton so offended that my husband joked about having a naked room when our babies grow up — yet this is pretty much her main storyline? How was she so offended when I spoke about my husband's manhood, yet she does the exact same thing? I wonder if she is getting inspired by the very same things she hates about me and decides to do them? Too much double standard, especially for someone who claims to be so spiritual and to love women." I have often wondered that myself!
Kim Richards' daughter Kimberly graduated from high school and Kim is hosting a big celebration party for her. To prepare Kim, Kyle Richards, Kimberly and one of Kyle's daughters meet up for manicures. And Kyle needs a bikini wax. Kim announces her "wiener" has already been waxed and is looking cute. Kim should probably just go ahead and call it a "whiner" instead.
Kyle prefers to label hers a "tweeter" because <stage whisper> 'vagina' is yucky. It's times like this I wish Brandi Glanville would pop up in the corner of the screen yelling, "VAGINA, Kyle – VAGINA!" just to make Kyle smack her with a caftan after covering her eyes with a haircape.
A salon employee tells Kyle she can have her tweetiewiener dyed. Kyle Freudian Slips and thinks the lady told her to put her vagina on a "diet". But! It's a size 4! Kim's tweeter is a size 0 because it hasn't been eating anything – well nothing except a little "lipstick" she elaborated. How many weight watchers points does a tweeter get?
Things picked up at SUR where Brandi Glanville and Joyce Giraud were bickering up a storm about everything. If you could interpret through the litany of F-bombs and hair flips you might have heard Joyce tell Brandi she needs rehab.
All of the sudden Brandi starts tearing up and claims she just really misses her dog and needs to leave. She flees the table under the protective lemon force field of Yolanda Foster. So, now Brandi is blaming all her of her maltreatment of Joyce on a dog? I thought Kim Richards got the dog storyline this season?
Back at the table Joyce is unsympathetic. While Lisa Vanderpump and Ken try to smooth it over, Joyce snaps that Brandi shouldn't act like a "stupid little bitch" if she doesn't want people to confront her. Amen, Joyce, amen. Yolanda returns and is all "but Brandi is very sad". She's having a hard time. Lisa, visibly stressed out, calls for dessert – emotional eating time!
Aaaahhh… Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. There comes a time in every recappers tenure when she is just beyond blown away by what appeared before them on the screen. And taking one's mother-in-law to Hustler and grinding on them has knocked me over.
Carlton Gebbia takes her hubby David along with her mother-in-law to Hustler to choose lingerie for her "playroom". Listen – I mean the storyline is gross as is, but you couldn't pick a classier place than Hustler?
Carlton is like thongs – no big – my mum-in-law has pulled babies out my vagina. Then she proceeds to educate MIL on what "DTF" means and huffs the F— word in the ladies face like she's going to vampire her. This is a preclude to the main event where Carlton puts on a teeny-tiny bikini and drops it like it's hot on her MIL's lap. Apparently her MIL accepts Carlton because David loves her. David needs inpatient therapy.