Many, many seasons ago Splits Richardswas the queen's lady-in-waiting, but she aspired to be the queen. She teamed up with an evil stepsister named Adrienne and was exposed for talking ish about the queen and conspiring to tear her down. She even compared the queen's ruling to a mad, mad game of chess!
The queen was hurt so she built a beautiful fortress high in the hills surrounded by roses, which are very beautiful and fragrant but guard their beauty with thorns. Meanwhile the lady-in-waiting wilted and wilted until all the was left was a sad mass of yesteryear's hair. She desperately wanted a place in the sun again and begged the queen for forgiveness. The queen reminded her that she had looked into her crystal ball – Swarvoski crystal, hand-cut and cast, mind you – and realized that the friendship had never been true because once people show themselves to you, the giggy is up.
Last night Carlton Gebbia really let the witch out of the bag – flying broomsticks, evil spells, creepy crystal floral talismans and all!
Kyle Richards andLisa Vanderpump are friends-ish again. Well at least for the sake of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills purposes. Since Ken and Mauricio truly are friends, Kyle and Lisa decide to get together with Kevin Lee (!!) to throw a joint birthday party. Oh Kevin Lee… let's discuss what's going on atop your head: part Brillo pad, part tasered porcupine: too much hair gel, mmmkay.
As Lisa and Kyle divvy up the guest list Kyle gets all porcupiney – she just wants to know why there's gotta be teams allocating who invites whom.
UGH – let's just take a moment to discuss Kyle. Listen, Kyle was annoying me the whole episode: she kept making her little snarky comments, making everything into a bigger deal than it was, and sneaking in shade while acting like everything was fine – basically she was Splits-ing. But then CARLTON! Snarlton… SNARLTON with her Wicked Witch of The Valley complete with California Raisin face had to go all wicca-wacka and made me feel bad for Kyle. There's more to Kyle's witchiness than her fondness for flowing robes, but compared to Snarlton, Kyle is a sweet innocent.
Brandi begins, "I broke my hand on a Thursday. I had my friend who is a MMA fighter and boxer wrap it for me and was happy to go to Carlton's party on Sunday. I did not go to the doctor for a few reasons. First, I barely had any time to — and second I didn't have medical insurance at the time. I had been trying for the last year to get medical coverage, but had been turned down because of a pre-existing condition. I have two little boys to take care of and I didn't want to waste my money on myself and have yet another reason to be turned down for insurance," adding, "I now have medical insurance, and, yes, my hand did heal a little deformed. My best friend drove up from San Diego, thank goodness, because with my right hand broken I couldn't really do my hair or makeup, and so I got a helping hand from my girls."
Things begin at Carlton's house, which looks like it sits in an abandoned lot outside the airport. There's no landscaping which sucks if you're inviting a zillion people to a daytime pool party in JULY. I know why Carlton's skin looks like a dehydrated orange peel!
The whole theme of this party is "Americana" except… all the decorations came from Hustler and Carlton wore a sequined bikini from a 1992 Victoria's Secret catalog. And there were no shade tents – we Americans really like covered pavilions. Carlton ships her kids away to their grandmother's and warns them she may embarrass them, which is the understatement of Carlton's appearance on this show. Everything she does is embarrassing!
According to Popdust.com RHOBH is about to undergo a major shakeup. Kim Richards is the first name on the chopping block but several other castmates are also being closely evaluated. “Kim is definitely on the outs and it’s very likely Kyle [Richards] will go with her, so there’s going to be two spaces to fill.”
Producers are looking for "over-the-top ladies who bring the drama" to round-out the cast. Basically, they want more ladies that represent the true Beverly Hills lifestyle but won't be wallflowers.
Kim is able to forgive Brandi Glanville for calling her a meth addict on national TV and telling people she pooped on her pillow, but not forgive Lisa for decorum and the truth came out on twitter! Kim is now Brandi's friend and Brandi and Lisa are now NOT friends. In fact, according to the wisdom of Kingsley Kim, everything bad that has ever happened on RHOBH like in the history of the show is ALL LISA'S FAULT.
A viewer recently tweeted Kim warning her about trusting Brandi, stating: "Look what she did to Lisa." and Kim responded with, “What did Brandi do to her? I KNOW!! Brandi says stupid things things!! But … I PROMISE U!! EVERYTHING LISA DOES IS FOR A REASON!! …..NEVER JUST BECAUSE SHE LOVES ❤U" Basically it's the same old-same old "playing chess" nonsense that Kyle Richards has been spewing for ever.
Ahhhhhh… Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where mothering is a crime against humanity because naturally that's the nanny's job. In Beverly Hills one also needs to be heavily armed and ready at any moment for home invaders. I'd be more worried about closet raiders, but you know if broke into Yolanda Foster's house I'd go straight for the Hermes belt collection. Just me?
We begin at Carlton Gebbia's house where she's hosting a party to promote naked girls. Carlton: the Playboy mansion you are not. Carlton's "nanny", who is never near children ever, which given her behavior is probably a good thing, helps choose exotic dancers to perform.
Carlton drones monotonously for the 400th time that she loves women. I am out of patience with this cougar-in-heat trying to be the Joe Francis of the middle-aged. I'm sure Carlton's daughters aren't embarrassed at allll to be seeing their mother's Sexford Wife shenanigans.
Brandi Glanville adopted a new dog named Buddy to distract her kids from Chica's disappearance. Brandi hates Buddy and complains that he wants to be near her. He peed on her bed – yeah that's annoying, but I'm sure Brandi has also peed on her bed in a drunken stupor.
True to form, good ol' Rambles meanders through her reactions to the episode.
First of all Kim tells us what an intimate and personal event Kimberly's party was. "I only invited a small group of only our closest friends and family," Kim writes. Which includes the entire RHOBH cast? "All the people that came are so special to me and have played a part of Kimberly and my lives."
"When I invited everyone, most people received evites and there were just a handful that I happened to invite myself — Lisa was one of those people," Kim writes. "I really was on the fence with who I wanted there. I had to consider the limited space and I did not want any problems or fighting on this very special night."