Back in my last life when I taught first grade, I used to read "Which Witch Is Which" to my students around Halloween. For some reason, when I watch this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the same question resonates in my head! Is it the actual Wiccan Carlton Gebbia? Kyle Richards for her comments? Brandi Glanville? I just don't know anymore. Of course, Carlton thinks there is no bigger bwitch (my new hybrid word) in 90210 than Splits and Joyce Giraud. I think someone needs to Escape from Witch Mountain! Who's with me? Kim? (Sorry, couldn't resist!).
In her Bravo blog, Carlton has had enough of the judgment and hypocrisy, so she goes and does the proper amount of judgment towards Kaftan Kyle herself. Perhaps these ladies should be friends as they seem to act in the same general manner!
Everything Housewives gets "gated". And here on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we have graduated from cheating-gate, and hair-gate, and lastminutecancellation-gate, to necklace-gate; and most excitingly: you'recursed-gate. It's been a while since we've had a good curse on Housewives #Season1CamilleGrammer #Pernicious.
So that's what we're dealing with here and like sand through the hourglass these here are the days of our caftans. Cause you know, Kyle Richards was on Days of Our Lives for a splits richards second.
Anyway, Brandi Glanville has a problem with her tongue and her mouth and her speech and her general planet trashiness was affected by wonky aspirin. Which is a good thing because she also has a problem with *gasp* Lisa Vanderpump. Appprrrrrntly, Lisa holds within her bejeweled hands the power to deport people, destroy their lives, poison their aspirin, and dig up their ex-husband's long-dead mistress from the grave to release her from her coffin on the very moment when you walk into a Bravo-sponsored season finale party at her restaurant. Or something like that that. Cause if anyone knows how to work a good curse it's not plastic tits on a tan witch Snarlton Gebbia, but Giggy-loving Lisa!
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Above: Jenni Pulos shared, "Happy Valentine's Day! Love conquers all!"
Many, many seasons ago Splits Richardswas the queen's lady-in-waiting, but she aspired to be the queen. She teamed up with an evil stepsister named Adrienne and was exposed for talking ish about the queen and conspiring to tear her down. She even compared the queen's ruling to a mad, mad game of chess!
The queen was hurt so she built a beautiful fortress high in the hills surrounded by roses, which are very beautiful and fragrant but guard their beauty with thorns. Meanwhile the lady-in-waiting wilted and wilted until all the was left was a sad mass of yesteryear's hair. She desperately wanted a place in the sun again and begged the queen for forgiveness. The queen reminded her that she had looked into her crystal ball – Swarvoski crystal, hand-cut and cast, mind you – and realized that the friendship had never been true because once people show themselves to you, the giggy is up.
Last night Carlton Gebbia really let the witch out of the bag – flying broomsticks, evil spells, creepy crystal floral talismans and all!
Kyle Richards andLisa Vanderpump are friends-ish again. Well at least for the sake of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills purposes. Since Ken and Mauricio truly are friends, Kyle and Lisa decide to get together with Kevin Lee (!!) to throw a joint birthday party. Oh Kevin Lee… let's discuss what's going on atop your head: part Brillo pad, part tasered porcupine: too much hair gel, mmmkay.
As Lisa and Kyle divvy up the guest list Kyle gets all porcupiney – she just wants to know why there's gotta be teams allocating who invites whom.
UGH – let's just take a moment to discuss Kyle. Listen, Kyle was annoying me the whole episode: she kept making her little snarky comments, making everything into a bigger deal than it was, and sneaking in shade while acting like everything was fine – basically she was Splits-ing. But then CARLTON! Snarlton… SNARLTON with her Wicked Witch of The Valley complete with California Raisin face had to go all wicca-wacka and made me feel bad for Kyle. There's more to Kyle's witchiness than her fondness for flowing robes, but compared to Snarlton, Kyle is a sweet innocent.
Brandi begins, "I broke my hand on a Thursday. I had my friend who is a MMA fighter and boxer wrap it for me and was happy to go to Carlton's party on Sunday. I did not go to the doctor for a few reasons. First, I barely had any time to — and second I didn't have medical insurance at the time. I had been trying for the last year to get medical coverage, but had been turned down because of a pre-existing condition. I have two little boys to take care of and I didn't want to waste my money on myself and have yet another reason to be turned down for insurance," adding, "I now have medical insurance, and, yes, my hand did heal a little deformed. My best friend drove up from San Diego, thank goodness, because with my right hand broken I couldn't really do my hair or makeup, and so I got a helping hand from my girls."
Things begin at Carlton's house, which looks like it sits in an abandoned lot outside the airport. There's no landscaping which sucks if you're inviting a zillion people to a daytime pool party in JULY. I know why Carlton's skin looks like a dehydrated orange peel!
The whole theme of this party is "Americana" except… all the decorations came from Hustler and Carlton wore a sequined bikini from a 1992 Victoria's Secret catalog. And there were no shade tents – we Americans really like covered pavilions. Carlton ships her kids away to their grandmother's and warns them she may embarrass them, which is the understatement of Carlton's appearance on this show. Everything she does is embarrassing!
According to Popdust.com RHOBH is about to undergo a major shakeup. Kim Richards is the first name on the chopping block but several other castmates are also being closely evaluated. “Kim is definitely on the outs and it’s very likely Kyle [Richards] will go with her, so there’s going to be two spaces to fill.”
Producers are looking for "over-the-top ladies who bring the drama" to round-out the cast. Basically, they want more ladies that represent the true Beverly Hills lifestyle but won't be wallflowers.