Here’s what the women of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills don’t get: We do want a fabulous story – even if it means running over the “dead bodies” of dull Housewives filled with overly-inflated hubrises. IfLisa Vanderpump wants to be the metaphorical “Dexter” of Bravo, then by all means, do. Especially if it means I, as a viewer, get more exposure to diamonds and mini horses, than I do IV fluids and arguments about nothing. This show is supposed to be about glamour, which is why I don’t mind Kyle Richards wearing a ballgown to her BBQ and having it catered by a team of gourmet George Foreman Grill experts. We can get paper plates, hot dogs, and beer in our own backyards!
Eileen Davidson may label it “manipulative” (a word she has uttered so many times I swear someone at Merriam-Webster is paying her to make it a ‘thing’. Or maybe she just learned it and is over-eager to just drop it like it’s hot. It’s not.), but what Eileen fails to comprehend is what the viewers crave and expect from a show ostensibly about the lives of the uber-rich. This is not Unsolved Mysteries – we don’t care about ‘finding the truth’ or uncovering facts. We want glitter and we want it NOW!
Tonight the ladies are joined by Kim Richards, who tries to settle her bad blood withLisa Rinna and then gets into with Eileen Davidson about LAST SEASON’s poker night. And although she wasn’t even AT poker night, Yolanda Foster feels the need to interject and give one of her lectures. And that’s not the only one she’s handing out. As Kim tries to make a point to Eileen, Yolanda butts in to fight the battle for her – dishing out words of wisdom and holier than thou lectures that nobody gives a rip about. Please let this be her last hurrah. It’ll make it easier to swallow.
I can’t help feeling intimidated when people who normally don’t curse start throwing around swear words. It just adds more of a severity to their words than it would if someone who is constantly cursing says something inappropriate. Case in point, Kyle Richards on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most of the time she’s calm, cool, and collected, but she has some of the best moments when it comes to her use of the “f” word.
I feel like Kyle‘s good girl persona really makes me feel the impact of the word “f–k” when I’m watching the show from my couch at home. It is just so off base for her so she really makes a splash. With that said, Kyle has really had some iconic lines that all revolve around the infamous “f” word. She is definitely not the Real Housewife who curses the most, but her words deliver the most punch and there have been plenty of times when she used the “f” word to make great TV moments.
Really quick before y’all start reading, what (or who) is Munchausens?? Is she a fancy, rich German lady who will be joining the cast on next season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? No, no, it’s Lisa Vanderpump’s next club endeavor after the popularity of SUR and Pump, right? Wait, is that the brand of Yolanda Foster’s coveted refrigerator? Sorry, my bad, is it just the name of Lisa Rinna’s new line of incontinence products?
It’s been an entire season, and I’d rather debate the definition of Munchausen (and to be clear, I know what it is…I saw Sixth Sense!) than pick a side between the Lisas. Who’s with me? That question is easy to answer…Kyle Richards. She’s dissecting the RHOBH finale, and she’s trying to be as impartial as possible. Best of luck to her. Discussing the volatile episode, Kyle opines, “Well, here we are. Back in Los Angeles after our whirlwind Dubai trip. Much of what I wrote last week really pertains to this week as well. I know it is confusing to some since this happened off camera. That always makes it a difficult story to tell. What happened that day at LVP’s when Rinna said the word Munchausen was very clear to me, which is why I confronted LVP right after. We had the discussion in her bathroom. That is when I said, ‘I know what you’re up to, and I will take you down in flames with me’ half laughing, because I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
“So as the sun sets on the Hills of Beverly, the shade is cast in my direction.”
Lisa admits she feels incredibly hurt and had “no interest” in watching the past few episodes, but adds, “I encourage you to watch closely as some delusional characters play out this exhausting scenario. I have a second-hand account as to what you have seen, but my memories and experience can see me through.”
I hate a finales in general. Everyone circles like sharks, lurking for damage control, eager to take down the pre-appointed prey. And to the shark with the sharpest teeth, go the tastiest camera morsels. However, it’s important to remember that sharks are not smart – they are reactionary creatures whose successful existence hinges on their ability to annihilate prey quickly and effectively, which accounts for their survival, basically unchanged after millions of years. This is where Housewives fail. Their takedowns are rarely streamlined, timely, or effective.
Such is the case at Kyle Richards‘ party, held in the house she stole from Kim Richards. What a shocker that Kim is there, holding a sign that reads “Property Of KimKillah.” I believe Brandi Glanville did her hair and makeup. That is the only excuse for the bootleg I Dream Of Jeanie looking Bump-it hair and wandering cat-eye makeup. But at least Kim isn’t smuggling vodka in her iced coffee. Instead, she’s smiling, eager and willing to pretend all the nastiness of Palm Springs pasts never happened.
Last night, the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills wrapped up their trip to Dubai and Lisa Rinna had an epiphany: she’s not gonna become the collateral damage of two narcissists with queen complexes, also known as Lisa Vanderpump and Yolanda Foster. Lipsa has diagnosed and labeled them as “hating each other” (medical name haterificaious bitcheria). There we have it – Lipsa has solved the mystery of whodunnit with the Munchausen in the Kyle Konservatory with the ulterior motive.
Our first clue that nothing is going well – the ladies can’t manage to enjoy 5-star shopping without bitching. Just buy shoes and shhhhhh! In a mall that engulfs the Mall Of America, then spits it out, chewed up and mangled, onto its ice rink, the 5-story mall of Dubai chauffeurs them around from luxury store to luxury store in Bentley golf carts. There goes LVP‘s cardio!
Lipsa wore her walking sneakers, unnecessarily. She had to put them to good use though, because – ugh, comfort shoes! – so she decided to walk all over the friendship of LVP!
About Kyle “finding out”Lisa Vanderpump tried to throw her under a bus over the Munchausen drama, she shares, “I didn’t just find out anything. This is something that happened months ago. I dealt with it in the moment. When Lisa Rinna brought it up, I said, ‘I’ve already dealt with this and we talked about this and it’s over. I don’t want to be brought into this. If you have an issue with it, that’s your thing. I have moved on. Lisa and I are in a good place and I want to stay there.'”