Welcome Back Kardashians! Surprise, surprise the premiere episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians opens with Kim Kardashiandoing a nude photo shoot. Kim and Kanye West are trying to have another baby which means they are apparently having sex every opportunity they can get. It’s kinda gross because Kim tells everyone about 8 seconds after they have sex that they just had sex. Her make-up artist commented about the glow she had on her face post-bathroom romp at the shoot and it’s just eeww. Khloe was standing in the corner (Still playing with her hair a gazillion times a day) while Kim was getting primped and air puking at the same time. Kim detailed the path of Kanye’s sperm making their way to her egg as her eyelash glue was drying.
Kourtney decides to visit Bruce Jenner at his bachelor pad in Malibu and check-up on him. Side note: It appears Bruce has had more plastic surgery because he does look a little different in the lips/cheek area. He seems lonely and misses his life with Kris. The Jenners have parted from the Kardashians and now it’s a house divided post-divorce.
Kourtney Kardashian begins this episode of Kourtney And Khloe Take the Hamptons with a little badgering session with Scott Disick urging him to visit his parents house and get it sorted out, cleaned, and possibly sold. Scott is still in a weird place and doesn’t feel ready to process the fact that his parents are actually dead. I get Kourt’s point but she needs to lay off. Grief comes in many forms with people and you can’t push them to go through it. They just deal with it when they are ready to deal with it.
However, the next day Kourt and Scott hop in the car and cruise around his old neighborhood where he grew up. They do a drive-by of some chick’s house that was Scott’s first kiss when he was 12 (and in tasteful Scott manner, calls her a whore) and he discovers that he’s not in the mood to deal with this now. Later that evening, he confesses to Kourt that although he hates to leave her solo out in the Hamptons – he needs to get back to LA for work opportunities (still confused what he does exactly, but I digress). Surprisingly, Kourt is very un-Kourt like and is mellow with her reaction to the news. She’s totally cool with him heading back to LA but not before they make a trip to a childhood favorite of Scott’s family, Fire Island. He reluctantly agrees so we’ll see where this takes us.
Later that day, Kim,Kourtney and Scott are hanging out on the back deck and Kim blabbers that Khloeneeds to drop a few lbs. Um, whaatttt??? Kim is the LAST person on the planet that should talk about losing lbs. Kim mentions that she wants a flat ass and Scott chokes on his water mentioning that their huge asses are what keeps the money coming in, so they’ll need to keep them for now. Kourt is bothered by how irritating Kris is now that she’s been single for awhile and wants to get her dating again to loosen her up a bit. They’re going to remedy that with a date. Eeew.