All hail Lord Douche-ick Disick! It’s hard being royalty, especially when the United States’ version of royalty is over-paid, under-educated, over-exposed reality personalities who are famous because someone who is related to someone they once or thrice procreated with was tee-tee’d on (I’m old and Southern, sue me for not being cruder..in this instance at least!) for a multi-gajillion dollar sex tape. Such are the conundrums of Scott Disick.
Sure, the reality star is NOW famous (for lack of a better word) in his own right. He’s got three kids with family kash kow Kim Kardashian’s sister Kourtney, and the pair have a slew of spin-offs under their over-priced (but kind of classless) belts. But let’s be honest, Scott’s infamy is a product of his entitled behavior and penchant for booze and pills (allegedly). Plus, he’s a Lord, y’all, and he does what Lords do, like shattering mirrors in drunken rages, hating on his girlfriend’s family (warranted, so he’ll get a pass), and shoving dollar bills into the mouths of waiters who fail to cater to his every gross whim. Klassy!
In today’s FML news, Kris Jenner has reportedly inked a $100 MILLION deal with E! to keep Keeping Up with the Kardashians on the network – as well as every time someone in the family “takes” a city against its will – for at least FOUR more years. I’m moving to Mars. Who’s with me?
According to Page Six, the record-breaking deal includes Kris, Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, and Kylie, and it goes well beyond the core show. Keeping Up With the Kardashians has spawned countless spinoffs, such as Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons, and we can now expect to see many more. As well as more digital projects like Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, television projects produced by Kim, more of Khloe covering the red carpet events, a Kardashian YouTube channel, and the list goes on and on. I feel faint.
I was assigned the task of naming the worst dressed reality TV stars of 2014. My first thought was, this post going to be a piece of cake. My second thought was, wait, the photo gallery has a limit of 40?!?
The trailer is short but packed full of scripted family drama. Kris Jenner begins to date Corey Gamble, 33, to ease the hurt from Bruce Jenner‘s rumored relationship with her former best friend. Kourtney Kardashian recruits Scott Disick to shave her hoohaa and he directs her to “spread them wide, spread them long, and I will go in there like a lawnmower.” Kim Kardashian wants two things: 1) A baby. Kim’s desire for a South West will be front and center. 2) To be as skinny and successful as little sister Kendall Jenner. “I’m not buying her a f-cking pair of shoes,” a jealous Kim gripes about Kendall. “I bought her a f-cking career.” Ugh. I. Can’t. Stand. Her. You know someone sucks at life when you’d rather watch her sister get her hoohaa shaved. Watch the trailer below.
I thank God that tonight is the season finale of Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons because I’m bored out of my mind watching this summer wind down. Khloe Kardashian and Scott Disick are discussing the new acting gig they were offered for a show shooting in the Hamptons. It’s for Royal Pains and Scott is stoked, however he humbly admits he has no clue how to act. I for one think he would make a decent actor. I don’t know why – but I think he can pull it off. Khloe, on the other hand, meh.
Kimmy has arrived! Yay!!! Apparently, she never spends this much time away from her sisters and decided to help pack up the house (Who-hoo! The end is near for this season!) and head back home to LaLa Land. First stop, hitting up a winery with Jonathan Cheban (ugh, I could do without him for the rest of the Kardashian existence IMO), Khloe, Kimmy and Malika (Khloe’s BFF). Kimmy doesn’t normally drink (kinda sucks to be her, I bet she’s a BLAST to hang out with). I for one, loves me some wine. all wine. any wine. Hell, I’m seven months pregnant and would drink mouthwash at this point for a buzz if I could….Anywho, Khloe’s had a bummer of a summer and this day of vino and girl time should do the trick.
My mind is blown. I cannot believe how many reality TV stars welcomed babies this year.
Snooki & JWoww star Jenni Farley gave birth to her first child in July. “She is here!” proud daddy Roger Mathews shared on Twitter. “Meilani Alexandra Mathews, 7 lbs, 13 ounces. Words can’t describe what looking into your child’s eyes can do to you. I’m humbled.”
Check out complete list of babies born to reality TV stars, hosts, judges, etc. in 2014 below.
Kim Kardashian, who almost never smiles and always lacks a sparkle in her eyes, posted a rare picture of herself smiling on Twitter yesterday. Then she felt the need to point out 1) that she is smiling and 2) why that is such a rare occurrence. “See I do smile… even laugh on occasion,” she tweeted. “Not too often though because it causes wrinkles.”
Huh. I thought Kim was just too cool to smile since she married Kanye West. Or that he outlawed it, along with a colorful wardrobe for North and a tasteful wardrobe for Kim. Well, now that that is cleared up, check out pictures of the soulless ones wearing black and white and staring blankly into a camera, also known as the Kardashian Christmas party, below.
Back at the Dash doll house (I can’t believe I just wrote that), where the 2 employees that occupy the Hamptons pop-up boutique are residing, Khloe pays a visit to run her fingers through her hair, er, I mean, check-up on the gals. I’m going to make this interesting and count how many times Khloe touches her hair this episode. I will predict no less than 100 times. Malika, Khloe’s BFF, lets her know that Khloe intimidates the dolls and in order to make them feel nice and cozy, Malika wants to go out with all of them for drinks. Oh good lord. The Dash dolls: Durrani and Caroline + booze = one hot mess. Khloe agrees and this segment might be the only reason why I’m tuning in for the rest of recap tonight.