On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, things begin with Kris Jenner and Leah Jenner taking a random midnight dip in the ocean. Kris decides to not let Kendall and Kylie’s hatred of her bother her. Apparently, at any given time, at least one of her kids can’t stand her, so basically it’s same old same old to Kris. #DysfunctionAtItsFinest
Kim Kardashian has decided not to let her embarrassing run in with Brody Jenner stop her from her selfie project. That’s too bad. Today Kim has graduated from standard ‘selfies’ and is now taking a$$ selfies. You read that right. Did one of her employees just rub her butt with oil and then apply sand. Seriously. Was this written in to their Kartrashian Kontract? Must be willing to apply baby oil and other lotions (amongst other elements) to Kimberley’s derriere. Quick question; how many employees does it take to apply oil and sand to Kim’s ass? If you answered 3 you were correct.
Things kick off at Rob’s apartment. Khloe Kardashian is homeless y’all. I find it hard to believe anyone with an estimated net worth of $18 million could be homeless. Not to mention her mother has a home the size of Disneyland and her step father offered her to crash at his Malibu mansion just last episode. Nice try Khloe, but you my dear are not homeless and I don’t expect to see you at the soup kitchen anytime soon. Khloe and Rob’s relationship is borderline incestuous. Actually it’s not even borderline, it just is. Rob gifts Khloe with sex toys as a welcome present and Khloe announces she will wear lingerie for him. Khloe admits their relationship is like a married couple. I can’t believe I’m going to say this – I’m actually looking forward to Kim taking selfies.
So, the Kardashians have been quiet lately, haven’t they? Yeah, right! If Kim and krew could go a day without gracing every form of media, I may be concerned for their well-being–or the well-being of North West, although Kanye West already has that covered. More on that in a bit…
On last night’s episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians we saw an emotional Khloe Kardashianreach her breaking point. From admitting to Lamar Odom’s affairs, packing up her home and facing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of stolen jewelery, Khloe cracked under the pressure and gave in to some old vices.
Things kick off with Kourtney Kardashian and her half paralyzed face. Kourtney is distressed by her latest disaster with the dentist. Khloe however, is too busy snapping pics on her phone and threatening to use them at a later date. #Blackmail (see the video below)
If the Kardashian girls are famous for anything, it’s for famewhoring and a golden shower sex tape their strong work ethic and the sense of power they try to instill in other women. At the forefront of their empowerment movement is mom Kris Jenner, and, according to Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian, she’s been their best role model as a business woman.
The sisters will slap their names on anything that stands still long enough, be it dolls, clothing, or make-up. They are entrepreneurs, y’all. Kim doesn’t even care much about the reality shows as they are just a marketing vessel for the Kardashian brand. She’s a damn evil genius, isn’t she?
On last night's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashiansthings begin at Kris Jenner's house with the ever adorable Mason announcing he is going to kick his Aunty KoKo's butt at sword fighting. Can I just say, if this show had more Mason and less kartrashian fakeness and orchestrated storylines I think this show would become more likeable. Mason is adorable and the family is equally adorable when they are with him.
Bruce Jenner,Scott Disick and Mason go on a man date. Bruce is still enjoying his hot and steamy love affair with Malibu. I don't think it's Malibu so much as it is being free from Kris Jenner. Scott wants to watch Bruce fly one of his toy helicopters. Bruce believes you shouldn't be a spectator in life and that you learn more from doing. Scott is all for it. #WordsOfWisdomByBruce
On a different note, Bruce asks Scott how he is doing since the sudden and tragic loss of both his parents. Scott reveals he can't believe this is his life now and he sometimes forgets they are gone. He even tries to call them sometimes without realizing no one will ever answer. My heart breaks for Scott. I hope Scott is comfortable with talking about his feelings on camera and this isn't the Kardashians abusing a storyline, because his pain and sadness is raw and real. To make a bad scene worse, Bruce tells Scott he is kind of stuck with them – family wise.
Sunday's night's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was very different from the normal bad acting and over the top orchestrated storylines..or was it?Kim Kardashian andKris Jennertraveled to Vienna and had the holiday from hell, but on a happier note we heard baby North giggling & even saw the back of her head at one point! Also in a completely shocking turn of events, Khloe Kardashian did not say vagina once. I'm serious. She has outgrown it, and has moved on to repeatedly saying c*ck.. this girl must have Tourette's.
Things kick off with Kim negotiating wedding details with Mason and a silent Penelope. Kim decides to bore her sisters to tears upgrade from infants and starts to talk weddings with her sisters. So far on the Kardashian-West circus wedding there are whispers of Parisian churches, luxurious chateaus and three costume changes. I think she has a ‘what would Elizabeth Taylor do’ type of theme – opulent, extravagant and over the top. I mean she is like Elizabeth Jr., already on to her third marriage! The real shocker was that Kim wants to wear all white; something tells me after three marriages it's time to retire the all-white gown. Isn't that customary? #EmilyPost
It was another busy weekend for the Kardashian-Jenner clan. The family celebrated Khloe Kardashian's 30th birthday, hunted for $20 million apartments in NYC for Kim Kardashian and of course filmed it all for their reality show and showed off some interesting fashions for the cameras.
Khloe turned 30 and celebrated with two birthday parties. At the first soiree, her boyfriend-but-not-boyfriend French Montana gifted her with jewelry (a ring and two sets of grillz) and a Jeep Sahara, totaling over $100,000. The second party was held aboard a yacht.
In between Khloe's two birthday bashes, Kim and her family went apartment hunting in NYC. Kim is reportedly looking for a $20+ million dollar home with more privacy. <insert reality camera joke here>