Oh, Kim Kardashian, you saucy minx! Okay, so I don't find her at all saucy or minx-ish, but I've always wanted to say that. In today's Kimye news, there is some funny stuff. Not only is having Kanye West's baby while still married to Kris Humphries causing some problems (we all predicted that, right?), but it seems that no one wants to pay Kim to lose her baby weight. Tragic!
Unlike Jessica Simpson, Kim may not be scoring a weight loss deal to shed the massive amount of pounds she's sure to pack on during her pregnancy. I'm also hoping that, unlike Jessica's two year gestation, Kim's baby will pop out after nine months so we don't have to be on pregnancy watch for the next year and a half.
As if Kim Kardashian andKanye Westprocreating wasn't enough, now there is even more disturbing news. I don't even know how one correlates with the other, but perhaps if I type it quickly, it can get out of my head equally as fast. Or not. There are just some things you can't unread.
Here goes nothing! So, now that Kimye is having an aby-bay, ales-say for her ex-say ape-tay have gone through the roof. Seriously? Nothing says "congrats on the bun in your oven" like purchasing a video of the mom engaged in some nasty, nasty sexy times. Nothing people do surprises me anymore.
You could feel the collective intake of air when society as a whole learned the news that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West would be bringing a mini-Kimye into the world. If you were quiet enough, you could probably hear the dollar signs ka-chinging in Kris Jenner's eyeballs. Oh, the spin-offs! The elaborate and totally ridiculously expensive baby gifts (the child will need his or her own private jet)! The publicity! The magazine covers! Did I mention the spin-offs? How are we ever going to continue Keeping Up with theKardashians if they are constantly multiplying?
Kim and Kanye's khild is already internationally famous and the kid hasn't even been born yet. However, being famous for being conceived is far better than one his or her mother is famous for, right? Let's face it…the world had the same fearful reaction for the unborn child's fate when Jersey Shore's tequila-soaked, slipper-wearing, fist-pumping, underwear-forgetting meatball, and that situation (no pun intended) seems to be working out wonderfully. Snooki has truly taken to motherhood, and most people would likely agree that it seems to have changed her for the better. I'm hoping the same for Kim and wish her and tiny rapper my congratulations.
Yawn. It's like the most dramatic rose ceremonyKim Kardashian divorce ever. How is it possible that the divorce proceedings are lasting three times as long as the actual marriage. Why oh why can't Kim just admit that her marriage to Kris Humphries was for her reality show and spare us all the endless gossip and back and forth of this silly divorce? I mean, part of me is glad she isn't…I like my job, but we all know Kim didn't really want to marry him for real life purposes. The girl changes boyfriends/potential fiancés/randoms who may or may not be willing to walk down the aisle with her as often as I brush my teeth…and I have excellent oral hygiene. Never had a cavity!
What bothers me most about this divorce isn't the ridiculousness of it all or even the drawn out nature and pettiness from both sides. It is this: The whole thing could be over and done with if Kim would just admit the marriage was for show. Kris gets none of her fortune regardless…her prenup bars him recovery in the event of a divorce, and if there was never any marriage (which would happen with Kris' desired annulment), he has no basis for monetary gain there either. You can't get alimony if you never had a marriage. Sure, I guess they could find the prenup void and the marriage valid, but that doesn't work for the premise of my argument.
All Kris wants her to do is tell everyone what we already know…the wedding was for ratings. Nothing more, nothing less. I mean, she is literally laughing in our faces, thinking we are stupid enough to believe that it was a fairytale romance. We watch your show, Kim. You have more chemistry with the doormen of whatever building in whatever city you happen to be living in currently than you did with Kris. Basically, I just don't like being played for a fool. Kim, quietly admit to what we all already know and be done with it. It could actually help your sad image more than the path you're choosing. Off my soapbox and on to the divorce drama…thanks for indulging me!
Well, this is awkward! Perhaps we won't be seeing Kim Kardashian trying to upstage her sister Khloe on her new X Factor gig, given that her ex-husband (the first one, not Kris Humphries) will be one of the mentors on the upcoming season.
Damon Thomas, who has nothing but not nice things to say about his ex-wife, is going to be a fixture once Khloe starts her hosting gig along side Mario Lopez. I may have to actually tune into the next season to see the whole uncomfortable dynamic of it all! How horrifically amazing! I bet Kris Jenner is beside herself. Loves it!
I feel like high stepping, finger snapping, dance-off gang fight is about to happen in Miami a la the Sharks and Jets, and the Sharks are the Kardashian sisters and their fans and the Jets are, well, everyone else. As you recall, the Kim and Kourtney got the boot from South Beach, but they landed in a very nice gated community in North Miami Beach. Granted, said gated community is near strip malls and convenience stores (I know, I totes have hives too just typing about it. Gag.), but those Kardashian girls are nothing without without their keen ability to adapt in any situation with other vapid ridiculously rich for no reason people.
Oddly enough, it was living near the Kardashians that led potential South Beach neighbors to send the girls packing. Now that filming has begun for the umpteenth spin-off of their family reality dynasty, the North Miami Beach natives are getting restless…or at least one of them is! There is apparently a disgruntled realtor on the scene. Um, he clearly didn't get the memo that it's called Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, not Some Guy Wants Money Thanks to Famewhores. Some people will always try to make a buck at the expense of innocent reality stars. Sadly, in this case, I'm not being sarcastic.
Well, America your worst nightmare may have just come true. FirstBethenny Frankel, and now Kris Jenner! The pimpmomager who has been hinting for years that she wants a talk show, may finally get her wish! Don't I get a say?
With low ratings for this season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians and dwindling interest in the 3 million products they pimp, the Kardashians are branching out into new directions to retain their attention. Can we call what they have fame?
According to Deadline, the matriarch of America's tackiest family is in serious talks with Twentieth Television to get her own daytime talk show. The network is so serious, discussions are all ready underway for a test run on Fox TV Stations for early as this summer. Fox is also the network airing bethenny, no surprise!
I just kan't kontemplate Kim Kardashian's antics anymore. Will she ever just give it a rest? Who am I kidding? We all know the answer to that question. Kim's newest attention-grabbing ploy involves her posting twitter pics of herself (of course) trying on a wedding dress. I know what you're thinking…isn't she still technically married to Kris Humphries? Um, yes. Yes she is. I am sure she hopes that this will have tongues wagging about a potential wedding to Kanye West. As if I care…I think they are a perfect couple! They will have to get a pretty big house though…just to fit both of their egos!
While the dress is a beautiful Emilio Pucci creation, is it wise for Kim to be rushing down the aisle again so soon. Her last marriage only lasted seventy-two days–it probably took her longer than that to open all the gifts! Kim posted the photo last night with the cryptic caption “Late night fitting #pucci” presumably to get her followers talking. Bless her heart.