Kris Humphries

I’m not sure if you’ve heard but the Kardashian family recently sat down to talk to Oprah about everything Kardashian.  Oprah’s ratings are suffering so we must suffer through the news that’s hardly news but now it’s breaking news because it’s coming from Oprah.  I hope you’ve all learned a valuable lesson here – watch the OWN Network or we get Kardashians: Rinse and Repeat.  I refuse to speculate on who the next punishment could be.

Since the interview was so deep, it brings us all the way back to the early years of the Kardashian empire, namely Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. How does Kim Kardashian‘s new beau Kanye West feel about the recent buzz over Kim’s naked romp with Ray J?  Dude, he isn’t trippin’ on it.  An insider tells Hollywood Life, “Kim f*%#ed on tape and became an international icon and made [many] millions. So to me, she’s gangsta. These other girls got the game [messed] up, not Kim, and I think that’s why Kanye is so drawn to her and supports her and doesn’t give a [crap] about her past. He likes her for her and respects the fact she came up in the game.”  That’s sweet.  Haters are going to hate no matter what, but the source warns us, “Everyone’s hate on her and [lots of] people hate on Kanye too. You think they care, really? Jealousy and envy fuels people like them. It only makes them stronger.”  Noted.

So, it’s been established that Kanye isn’t going to dwell on Kim’s past or anything that was discussed in the interview.  What about her soon-to-be (maybe even in this decade) ex-husband Kris Humphries?  Is there anything in the interview that could help his case?  His lawyers sure think so!

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As if the Kardashian family isn’t overexposed enough, the Queen of Talk, Oprah Winfrey herself, felt compelled to give them yet another platform from which to spew their ridiculousness. Thanks a heap, O.  Couldn’t you just stick to book clubs and giveaways?  UsWeekly reports on the interview’s highlights.

Questioning Kim about her blink-and-you-missed-it wedding to Kris Humphries and career catapulting sex tape with Ray J, the reality mogul oh so eloquently replies, “I’ve obviously made plenty of mistakes in my lifetime, but I’m not the type to sit and beat myself up over it.  If a real lesson was learned, I’m so okay with having experienced that.”

CAUTION!  Before you read what comes next you may want to arm yourself with some sort of trash receptacle or barf bag.  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

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Womp, womp, womp.  You tried, Kris Humphries!  If you were hoping to get to watch Kim Kardashian squirm her way through her deposition, you’re out of luck unfortunately.  Unlike her intimate moments with Ray J, her deposition will not be taped.

An insider close to the divorce proceedings tells RadarOnline.com, “Both parties mutually agreed that it wasn’t necessary to have Kim and Kris’ deposition filmed.  There will be a private stenographer present that will provide a transcript of the proceedings.”  50 Shades of Kartrashian, perhaps?

“There was concern about the depositions being filmed and then getting leaked to the media. To ensure that won’t happen everyone recognized and agreed to not have proceedings filmed,” continues the source.  “However, Kris’ lawyer, Lee Hutton has told Laura Wasser that they absolutely intend to ask that cameras be permitted in the courtroom when this divorce goes to trial.”

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Oh good gravy!   Those Kardashians will never go gently into that good night, will they?  I guess I have to take some of the blame for still writing about them, but what can I do?  (Stop writing about them, I hear you)  Perhaps today I’ll write about the authority on all things love-related…at least in Bravolebrity world.

Patti Stanger, everyone’s favorite Millionaire Matchmaker, recently spoke with HollywoodLife.com about the whole Kimye phenomenon.  Of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s fauxmance romance she exclaims, “This is a good, good fit for her and I hope that Kris [Jenner], her mother, gives the blessing because I think they’ll end up getting married. I really do. I think he has known the family long enough to know what the problems are. I love it. KK babies all the way! I think that they both made a mistake at one point in their life. They understand each other and they were friends first. Friends are the best foundation for a really good marriage.”

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There’s lots going on in the Krazy Kardashian universe this weekend. On Thursday Bruce Jenner‘s son Brandon got married in Hawaii and while Kendall, Kylie, Brody, and Kris Jenner all flew out for the party, none of the Kardashian side of the family bothered to show up. Kendall and Kylie served as bridesmaids!

Instead they sent out their congrats the modern way…via social media. Khloe posted the following well-wishes to her blog Thursday morning: “I just wanted to send a HUGE congratulations and so much love to my brother Brandon and his fiancé/soon-to-be wife Leah. Wishing you both all the happiness in the world!” Kim and Kourtney posted similar messages to their Twitter and blogs.

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Poor Kim Kardashian…girl just can’t catch a break!  Not only is she playing the role of dutiful girlfriend while on tour with Kanye West, ahem, I mean coincidentally in London with him while she promotes her fragrance line, but she also must put up with groupies as well.  Sources report that Kim has put the kabosh on him greeting fans after his concert, but she’s still envious of his relationships with different females on the tour.

The source reveals, “Kanye has a load of girls he’s friends with. Most are stylists or from the fashion set but Kim’s not happy about them being alone with him backstage.  She sees how well he gets on with girls because of his sensitive side and has decided to rein in the entourage a bit. Kim is trying to put a stop to this as she doesn’t want to look or feel awkward at any point.”  I’m sorry, his sensitive side?  I may or may not have just spewed coffee after reading that!

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Kim Kardashian just never stops, does she? The ultimate famewhore, who really defines the term with her desperateness, is now trying to nab a slew of A-List friends thanks to her fauxlationship with megastar Kanye West.

The NY Daily News is reporting that Kim is desperate to get on Beyoncé‘s good side. Kim flew to London yesterday to accompany Kanye during his concert with Jay-Z. And Kim’s motivation for the five-day trip has nothing to do with being a supportive girlfriend! “Kim wants to travel everywhere with Kanye, but she’s also trying to do whatever she can to get close to Beyoncé,” a source reveals. “So, if Bey and Jay are going, she’s going.”

Kim would “live and breathe to hang out with Beyoncé,” the insider continues. Sadly for Kim, Beyoncé continues to have no interest in a relationship with the reality hoegul – and neither do the rest of Kanye’s A-lister friends. Poor Kim was even, allegedly, banned from the recent Met Costume Institute Gala because Anna Wintour didn’t want her ilk infiltrating the classy event.

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They won’t go away, so I am doing my best to embrace them.  Who am I kidding?  Given the allergic reaction I seem to be having, that must mean it’s time for our daily dose of Dash.  First up?  A glorious baby shower hosted by Queen Bee Kris Jenner.

As you know, Kourtney is bringing yet another Disick Kardashian into the world, and her mother graciously hosted a soiree this past Saturday to toast the impending birth of Kourtney’s daughter.  Life & Style reports on the event.  I’m sure of course we’ll all get to see it when it airs on one of their many reality shows.  These folks don’t do anything without cameras present, right Ray J?

A source tells the magazine, “Kourtney’s shower was so nice!  Her mom and sisters were there, of course. They talked, laughed, and played games. There was a bar and lots of different types of foods and desserts, including sushi and little sandwiches.  She seemed happy and excited earlier in the day before the shower. Her son, Mason, was there, too.”

“Lehr & Black did Kourtney’s shower invitations,” adds another ‘insider’ citing, “They were beautiful.”

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