Who doesn't love listening to Kris Jenner wax poetic about just how amazing Kim Kardashian's wedding was to tiny rapper Kanye West? I know I can't get enough of it. However, I've been waiting for her to tackle the real hard-hitting issues from the ceremony and reception.
I don't care about the golden porta-potties or the tantrums, I want to know about the things that really matter. I want to know how Kris felt about Bey and Jay skipping out on the tacky affair. I want to know what in holy hell Jaden Smith was thinking when he dressed in a silver Batman costume for the event. Really? I think it's time his parents decide to actually implement some rules with their children. Uncle Phil would be sorely disappointed. Rest in peace.
The episode starts with Khloe talking about her divorce and how she is handling it. Her description of how she is dealing with it sounds a lot like denial. Khloe decides jumping on her trampoline and hanging out at Casa de Kris is the best way to combat an ugly divorce, that and constantly referencing how her va jay-jay is trying to swallow her itty bitty daisy dukes. Yes Khloe, we’ve all seen your camel toe. Side note: did Khloe just say Kim looks like Paula Abdul? Poor Paula, she doesn’t deserve that.
About Kim's wedding, Krisgushed, "It was so beautiful and magical – and that feeling went through every single person. It was just a love fest. It was the most wonderful time I think I've ever had and it's hard to explain that to somebody in words." Kris also revealed thatKim has changed her name to Kim Kardashian West. At least for the next 72ish days.
The sole Kardashian male (I'm not countingBruce Jenner– sorry!) has been battling his weight and all but disappeared from public life this year. Then he bailed on Kim Kardashian's massive wedding fiasco, very publicly leaving Paris the day before the nuptials took place amid reports of Kim fat shaming him. Butt, perhaps, Rob had a crystal ball that told him of the chaos.
Kanye WestandKim Kardashianwere married on Saturday at the Forte di Belvedere in Florence, Italy. Kim wore a white lace Givenchy Haute Couture gown, complete with a long silk white veil, and Kanye wore a Givenchy tuxedo.
After the wedding ceremony, Kanye treated his guests to a 20-minute speech, during which he called Kim his "ideal art" and the "ideal celebrity."
Kanye referred to the Kardashians as an "industry" and "the most remarkable people of our time" who "make the world a better place." He continued, "I am defined by being a celebrity. The world is our altar. They feel like it's okay to put you on the tabloid covers to sell your image, to use you in a SNL spoof. We don't negotiate. We're not like that. We're not stupid."
One more day til Kim Kardashian is a married woman. Sort of. We think. For the third time.
Kim and her family continue to parade around Paris, overdressed and with an entourage of paparazzi and KUWTK cameras. Last night Kim stepped out with her sisters and girlfriends (including bestie La La Anthony) for a bachelorette dinner and to pose for pics by the Eiffel tower and other landmarks. We're rounded up some more photos of the Kardashian-Jennerclan all around Paris flaunting their..err..fashion?
Included below is mother of the bride Kris Jenner, looking happier than ever to see the cameras, Kanye West shushing photographers as Kim pushed daughter Nori in the stroller, and the rest of the K-J crew out shopping and lunching and doing whatever it is that they do.
We're down to the final days beforeKim Kardashian and Kanye West are contractually bound in a business arrangement married. The wedding is on Saturday in case your invite didn't arrive in a timely fashion.
Most of Kim's family and friends have already arrived in Paris for a week of shopping, photo ops with the paps and lavish family dinners that are all about Kim's favorite thing – Kim! One family member who won't be in attendance for the big occasion is Kim's step-brother Brody Jenner. That's right, we won't get to feast our eyes on hunky Brody in tux. A moment of mourning, please.
I'll be happy when I can say 'Ciao' (or Kiao as the case may be) to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West after their upcoming wedding. We all know they have grand plans to fade into obscurity once married and enjoy a little down time out of the spotlight…just the two of them with daughter North–no nanny, no camera crews, no Kris Jenner.
Sorry, I couldn't even type that without cackling hysterically at the thought of Kim giving up fame for even a few hours. Bless her. Yeezy too. He isn't going anywhere. He loves attention, and he seems to believe that we want to know every tiny detail of the couple's personal lives. Why else would he tell us where North was conceived? Hey, his admission may give insight to the most recent Kimye wedding rumors!