It’s official – sober James Kennedy is most definitely the world’s greatest DJ/reality TV villain/v-neck shirt wearer/bitchy uptight man child. And on part one of the Vanderpump Rules reunion it was most certainly James who won the night for me. Also Lala Kent came back, and it went well! So far…
First, priorities: we must delve into the wardrobe atrocities that always dominate these things. In this category Brittany Cartwright, bless her heart, was the worst offender. She was wearing what looked like a prom dress turned into stripper stage wear – clearly a Pinterest hack gone wrong. Actually Brittany’s dress kinda looked like one of Katie Maloney‘s bridesmaids dresses.
I know that Kristen Doute has been a pretty polarizing character on Vanderpump Rules, but I have to say that I’m at this point where I think Kristen is the person who always keeps it real. She doesn’t try to look better than she is, she owns up to her mistakes, and she has no issue sharing all of her weirdness- like owning and wearing multiple fake engagement rings in public.
Kristen talked about dating, her relationship with James Kennedy and how it’s weirdly not-at-all weird that her current boyfriend Brian Carter slept with Katie Maloney. Not only that, Carter apparently has other ties to the group.
Everyone who watches Vanderpump Rules cannot help wondering about the identity of Lala Kent’s secret boyfriend. There are so many rumors about her being a sugar baby and dating a married man who might be a movie producer or an NFL player. I just wish she would post one photo on Instagram so we can stop guessing, but I get why she would want some privacy.
Still, I feel like having James Kennedy sign that nondisclosure agreement was a little much. Not only that, but I really can’t see James complying with those guidelines. Lala is adamant about keeping her man’s identity a secret, but she did share some key details recently.
It was a big night of commitment for our Schwartzy, the little commitment-phobe that couldn’t. In front of some of his family, and all of his friends, he said “I Do” to Katie Maloney, thus establishing himself Mr. Three-Headed-She Beast. Stassi Schroeder cried tears of pure vodka-poisoned joy that her two best friends were officially, legally soulmates, and then she made Katie swear on her eyeshadow collection that Stassi would always be a part of them. Like a stye?
It was actually a sweet ceremony. Courtesy of Tom, who drank the tequila-aid and suddenly found himself overjoyed to be standing at an altar next to Katie’s drapes of a wedding gown. Oof – that dress: a pair of nude pantyhose someone bedazzled; full body spanks that got Pinterested and sold on Etsy. It isn’t easy being country-cutsey-woodsy-glammy-chic on a budget!
I thought Lala Kent was done with Vanderpump Rules, but not (it seems like) she is back. Whether she will back next season or not is unclear, but Lala is someone that the whole cast loves to talk about. I never thought I would see any sort of tension with Lala and James Kennedy. I assumed that had to stick together as the two outsiders of the cast, but the two have had some ups and downs.
Are they really friends? Friends of convenience? Are they just reality show costars? Lala clarified their friendship status and even opened up about that one time she hooked up with James.
When Vanderpump Rules first started, it was basically the Stassi Schroeder show, which was just fine with me. Those first two seasons were iconic in my eyes. This season is all about Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz’s wedding – and Katie is feeling the heat thanks to her rage texts and drunken arguments.
Stassi had a lot to say in defense of her girl Katie. She also defended herself against Scheana Marie’s claims that Stassi and Kristen Doute excluded her from planning Katie’s wedding events and addressed her breakdown after what she described as her “most embarrassing moment” on the show.
Our first look at the Vanderpump Rules reunion is here. Bravo promises that everything from “scandalous hookups” and “cheating accusations” to “wild wedding festivities” will be argued about ad nauseam covered at the Season 5 reunion, which Andy Cohen said was “intense.”
Look below for pictures and a breakdown of the three-part reunion. Yes, three parts, because apparently season five was a hit with viewers. <blank stare> I personally thought that this was the worst season yet, but Bravo claims that this season of Vanderpump Rules is “on track to deliver its highest rated season ever” with a reported average of 2.4 million viewers.