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Kroy Biermann

Don’t Be Tardy For the Hot Mess…ohhh oh ohhh!  It’s that time…Kim Zolciak and her wigs man Kroy Biermann are making it official with the premiere of Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding.

The first episode starts with Kim discussing her future with baby K.J., showing him her bling and expressing her worries about making things happen in time for the perfect wedding date:  11.11.11.  Kim is the first to admit that Kroy is a saint for putting up with her.  Super true!  Her rationale for the wedding date falls short of a tarot reader beating her over the head with a giant cornucopia.  Kroy is unsure how he’s going to swing Kim’s dream wedding during football season.  Kim won’t hear it–her first wedding happened on the beach in Destin, lasted ninety days, and (gasp!) there was no reception.

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Well, I have to recap the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, don’t I? Cause at this point I don’t think there’s much left to say except #BlackBabyGate is still rearing its ugly head, Phaedra Parks really doesn’t know (or want to admit) what Apollo Nida‘s job is, She by SheBroke is a complete idiot. Oh! And Marlo Hampton called Kim Zolciak a whore! Yeah, that happened, indeed it did! Whew – what a moment. What. A. Moment.

Really, we could skip all the other parts and go straight to that, because it’s the only part that really truly matters. It went a little like this: Marlo walks out, rocking pin-straight hair and a dress with shoulders constructed from a bathmat (Project Runway challenge?). She sat down, said no one liked her once she became friends with NeNe Leakes, copped to her charges, denied having her bills paid by Mr. Ted Turner, confirmed she still had a lot of work to do learning etiquette, and then she came out with it. Kim, you’re a whore! Apparently this was in response to something Kim said on the show about Marlo being an escort (which is all but proven fact at this point) with a large ladyhole. All class, no trash!

Frankly, I couldn’t believe it. Marlo just came out and said it – ‘Oh, I think we’re cut from the same cloth… you know, cheap polyester, maybe nylon – oh, wait no… No, we’re not. I’m cut from 10-ply cashmere and you – you’re a whore. You’re just some cheap acrylic. Google my charges! Cause prison uniforms are totally made from luxurious fibers.’

Marlo had it all planned out – she was practically reading a script NeNe had written for her and handily printed up on Gucci stationary; except I really don’t think NeNe was involved in this – nor Bravo, for once – I think Marlo acted as the lone honey badger. Vicious, crazy, and totally entertaining in a sadistic way. That being said – she needs to leave the show. And really, really study that etiquette manual. Like, non-stop. And Kim should be her study partner.

So, Marlo prances out and somehow gets into a screaming fight with Kim about who’s a whore and who’s an escort. It turns out that now that Kim is married, she’s neither a whore nor an escort and that whole Big Poppa charade never happened. Seriously- anytime anyone brings it up she points to her ring and says she’s a married woman now. Ok, but like Marlo said, she used to be a home-wrecking harlot flaunting it on TV and loving every minute of it; waving that big ol’ rock around! So she was basically a whore, but really Marlo: Pot meet Kettle.

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Bringing you an all new photo post today!

Above we have Real Housewives of Orange County star Gretchen Rossi attending the Us Weekly Hot Hollywood party in Hollywood last night, along with a bevy of other reality stars.

We also have Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann attending the NBC Summer Press day event and Bethenny Frankel multitasking on the streets of NYC.

Below, you’ll also find Kim Kardashian, Aubrey O’Day, Katherine Jenkins, Adrienne Maloof, Padma Lakshmi, Kesha Nichols, Maria Menounos, and more!

[Photo credit: Nikki Nelson/WENN]

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So, last night was the first segment of the so-called “epic” Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. I have to admit, reunions are so hard to recap, because really I can barely decipher what the women are talking about and I usually have to watch on closed captioning; A) because there’s too much screaming and B) because I can never grasp the she said-from-she said through the screaming – particularly where NeNe Leakes is involved. That being said, NeNe’s slamming of Sheree Whitfield was epic indeed! The theme of last night’s show-down was apparently “finances,” specifically who has them and who doesn’t. And does Sheree really have several storage units full of furniture or did she steal that storyline from Kim?

Before we start recapping anything, let’s discuss my personal most shocking moment of last night’s spectacle. Sheree Whitfield of She by Shebroke announced that She by Sheree—her failed clothing experiment, that consisted of a fashion show with no clothes and the owing of $30,000 to Dwight Eubanks for photocopies—is staging a revival. As in, She by Sheree is not dead, but merely on hiatus and we can expect more where that came from. Is she serious? She by Sheree?! As in, worse clothes than Alexis Couture! As in, NO ONE ON THIS EARTH is buying them. Ok, now that I got that off my chest, let’s commence with this recap, shall we…

Last night opened with a fight to end all fights: do former strippers have the right to be disgusted by dildos? Are all former strippers supposed to be ok with the usage and discussion of dildos, ding-a-lings, and vajayjays? Are these women really and truly adults or is this a ruse Andy Cohen is attempting to fool us with before bringing out the real adult women?

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Well, I knew this was going to be a lackluster season of Real Housewives of Atlanta when Bravo didn’t even bother to redo the infamous intros. And I was right. The season finale served us vibrators, gifts galore, and really nothing much–but it’s all over but the crying, aka the reunion; which is where the good stuff usually happens anyway.

Things started out with Cynthia Bailey and NeNe Leakes furniture shopping; which quickly turned into therapy replete with a sofa long enough for even NeNe to lay down on. NeNe is looking for a sectional–and a second chance at love as she announces that she’s made her decision and is going through with her divorce. Maybe it wasn’t a storyline attempt to get a spin-off after all?

NeNe announces the end of her marriage is like a death–perhaps she can employ Phunerals by Phaedra for a burial service worth dying for! I see trumpets, top hats, and horse-drawn carriages in store for your marriage license, former Mrs. Leakes. NeNe knows Gregg will continue to be a wonderful father and friend–but sadly he must cease to remain a booty call.

And onto more TMI. Kandi Burruss receives her boxes of Bedroom Kandi products. Here comes Happiness and Joy. I’m scared…  She and her Xscape days acidwash micro-mini (holy ’80s) get right to Skype-ing Suki about the new products. Kandi is planning a launch party and she wants to create an evening of pleasure for women. It will feature massages, hot men, and sex toys. I’m pretty sure that’s also called the AVN awards, but anyway.

Kandi lets us know she has been testing the wares and they are so successful at getting their point across, she hasn’t even gotten to vibrate to the music. Suki then announces the “clit-stick” is ready–and it’s waterproof. Kandi proves her freak number is a straight ten when she mentions she could take it on an airplane and no one would know she’s having a pleasure party in her pants. Remind me never to fly first class out of Atlanta for fear of sitting next to Ms. Mile High Self-Rub.

Moving on, Cynthia is also testing out her new products by hosting the first ever Bailey Agency Modeling search. It’s pretty much a low-budget, generic ANTM without Nigel Barker, The J‘s, or Tyra‘s spirited and impassioned speechesl. Lame. Cynthia excitedly finds a few girls which will get free entrance into her school of modeling. There she’ll them the art of being oblivious and how to marry a Papa Smurf all their own. Peter, who is coordinating everything in absence of Mal,  shocks the pants off me when he actually stays for the whole event! Is this a new Peter? Turning over a new leaf? Good for him!

Kandi is also sampling models as she scouts attractive men to take off their shirts and administer massages at the Bedroom Kandi launch. Phaedra Parks and She by Shefired are assisting her with the arduous task of examining attractive men and sexually harassing them. Bravo loves them some rowdy women with raunchy senses of humor, don’t they? Phaedra is, of course, up to the task of examining donkey booties and suggests the men wear Speedos for the main event. Shockingly Kandi vetos that and it’s decided the men will wear pants with a lining to prevent any sort of protruding elements. Everybody knows the lining makes all the difference….

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, all the ladies conducted themselves with dignity and nobody got hurt. Kim finally convinced someone to marry her, and NeNe contemplated leaving Haterville behind for the wilds of Los Angeles – where no one is fake. Nope – not in the least! Oh, and Phaedra announced that her phuneral home was coming soon. Watch out Atlantians – you’re about to be buried with style.

Things begin with Cynthia and Kim meeting each other for lunch. If you said “say what?” you’re not the only one. But apparently, Cyn decided handling things like an adult was better than getting into a screaming match in a church parking lot, so she invited Kim to lunch to work out their differences.

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Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta…There is so much going on that I don’t know where to start!  If you had told me several seasons ago that Kim wouldn’t be with Big Poppa, Phaedra would be accused of being a criminal kingpin, and NeNe would be a legitimate actress on a television show, I would have died laughing.  Looks like the joke is on me!

As you recall, Phaedra Park’s former friend Angela Stanton has promoted an e-book in collaboration with Vibe.  Lies of a Real Housewife:  Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil makes some pretty strong accusations regarding Phaedra being the mastermind behind a crime spree that landed both Angela and Apollo Nida in jail.  Vibe.com shared a series of video interviews with Angela in conjunction with her book release.  In one of the videos, she states that Apollo’s “brother” lied about the extent of Angela’s involvement, in an effort to take the heat off Phaedra.

Now Vibe is issuing a “clarification“–or what regular folks would call an “Oops!”–on Angela use of the term “brother.”  The site back pedals, “In the first clip (of three), Ms. Stanton refers to an individual involved in the criminal scheme described in the book, as the brother of Apollo [Phaedra’s husband]. It appears as if Everett and Apollo are not related by blood and Ms. Stanton refers to Everett as Apollo’s ‘street brother’ in her book. The statements made in the video clips were made by Ms. Stanton in a figurative manner and not in literal terms.”  I wonder how many other Oops clarifications the site will have to make in connection with this book.  Tamara Tattles notes that the book, which was holding the 67th spot on Amazon upon its release, has now dropped to the 5,289th position.

NeNe Leakes seems to have a new biffle in the form of Glee creator Ryan Murphy.  The Neenster has been honing her acting skills on the hit series, and it was just announced that she will be starring in Murphy’s latest pilot, The New Normal.  The show centers around a gay couple and their surrogate, and NeNe will play the recurring role of Rocky.  It appears that the RHOA reality star may have found the perfect way to channel her dramatic personality!

NeNe recently tweeted a picture of her famous bestie, stating, “THE MAN that is changing my life 1 script @ a time Ryan Murphy.”

Adding another photo of her and Ryan for her followers, NeNe tweeted, “I gotta get that Emmy baby & this man is helping me make sure that happens.”  Both of those photos are below.

NeNe’s former best friend/current nemesis Kim Zolciak also took to the twitterverse to defend herself when a follower called out her behavior towards former assistant Sweetie Hughes.  After someone tweeted “RT @snooki I hate when people are mean to their assistants. Your not cool. responded, @throughmyeyes__ how about my former assistant/friend @sweetieHughes is one of my dearest closest friends soooo stfu!”

Mere minutes later, Kim gave quite a shout out to her friend, tweeting, “First vacation in a loooong time w/ out @sweetieHughes we already miss u!!! If u wanna come I got u ;)” A hilarious picture of Kim’s wigs on said vacation is also below!

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Have you ever watched a TV show and had absolutely NO idea what happened? Yeah, that was pretty much my experience watching last night’s boring episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. So, Phaedra hosted a dedication for Ayden and I don’t know what all that pomp and circumstance was about, but it was very cute. Sheree, at the behest of Bravo, tried to force Damon to propose to her daughter, and Kim and Cynthia had the meekest, tamest showdown in RHOA history. Where’s NeNe when you need her! So, let’s get this recap started!

Things begin with Phaedra running around the church, planning Ayden‘s dedication. Phaedra’s white jeans are distracting me, I hate white jeans. I initially thought it was a baptism and became alarmed, because Bravo’s track record with christenings is not so hot. Bravo certainly likes to use children’s religious ceremonies to create drama, doesn’t it? Anyway, this was a dedication. And it involves the baby being carried on a floating sled thing called a palanquin, surrounded by other children in white, who are ringing bells. Or, maybe that’s just Phaedra’s take on the situation. By the way, did anyone think Phaedra’s pastor was Bobby Brown for a second?!

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