Last night’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy left me just a tad more stupid than it normally does. I can’t even mentally prepare an introduction, so we’re just going to dive right in! The show begins with Chef KJ in the kitchen with Tracey, and Kim Zolciak-Biermann admits that he picks up on everything. Whether Kim is eating a cookie, cussing up a storm, or drinking wine for breakfast, he’s going to notice, so she needs to be on her best behavior. Kim then asks Tracey why the f*@% she didn’t call her the day before. And we wonder why KJ’s every other word is bleeped. Tracey admits that she and Brooklyn have broken up again. The couple has been on and off for a decade, but Tracey swears this time their relationship is over for good. Tracey plans to get a tattoo that Brooklyn forbade her from getting just for spite.
Brielle, Slade, and Ariana are dining together, and Ariana questions her sister about the future. Brielle has grand plans for stardom, but first she needs food. Filet mig-non, anyone? Ariana rolls her eyes and chides Slade about following her sister out west. He’s so whipped, he’ll definitely do it. Brielle wants to approach her mom and Kroy about the two of them living together. Slade knows her parents would never agree, but she reasons that they’d rather have her shack up with Slade in Los Angeles than live alone. Her parents need to stop treating her like she’s fourteen. That was so four years ago!
I’ll never try to pretend Bravo’s motives, but Don’t Be Tardy has officially been moved to Thursday night, which means this week we were treated to a double dose of Kim Zolciak Biermann, Kroy, chef Tracey, and, of course, that cursing toddler! You’re welcome.
Last night’s episode begins with Kim greeting Shun while yelling at her dogs for interrupting her Instagramming. The dog in a cage should feel grateful it’s not being tormented by KJ. Kim complains about how hard it is to be followed by children 24/7, so she and Shun grab their solo cups of wine and retreat to Kim’s bedroom to discuss Shun’s lack of a dating life. Shun describes her perfect man, but Kim encourages her to think outside the box. Kim swears by “ask, believe, receive,” but she’s not so sure it will work for normal folks like Shun. She offers to set up Shun with her personal trainer–if he’s willing–before getting bombarded with balls being thrown at her face (there goes her social life! 😉 ) by KJ. She admits to be terrified of her three-year-old, and for once the Bravo viewing audience can agree with something Kim says.
Is it just me, or does Kim Zolciak Biermann look more plastic with every episode of Don’t Be Tardy. Someone needs to give her a tutorial on that make-up highlighting situation too. I just can’t believe that she still stands firm that she hasn’t had work done. It’s baffling.
Kim is frustrated because the family has made no advances on Brielle’s graduation party. She wants a carnival theme, but Kroy reminds his wife that carnivals are just snow cone machines and dunking booths out in the middle of nowhere. Kim has gotten three quotes from party planners which are all in circling the six figure range, but Kroy has shut down the users. I never noticed that he swears as much (if not more) than Kim.
Oh Monica. I don’t know if I’m more disappointed to find out that you’re friends with Kim Zolciak-Biermann or that you are okay being a part of last night’s Don’t Be Tardy. Either way, last night’s episode didn’t grate on my last nerve per the usual, and I truly enjoyed seeing a deeper side to Kim and Brielle’s mother-daughter relationship.
As the family jokes about Brielle’s ever present ditziness, Kroy suggests she check out Hooked on Phonics. Thanks for the tip, Kroy, but Brielle is just fine only speaking the language she knows. She’s not interested in learning a new one. When Kroy tries to explain that phonics isn’t a different language, I can actually see a light bulb turn on above Brielle’s head as she slowly whispers, “Oh Rosetta Stone!” Brielle has a new path and a plan. She wants to be the next Guiliana Rancic. Kim offers up her celebrity friends as practice interviews.
On last night’s Don’t Be Tardy, we were treated to a trip down memory lane for the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star. The photographs (oh the photographs!) alone were enough to make it a fabulous episode. Kim Zolciak Biermann with dark brown hair and braces? Yes please! The episode begins with Kim and Kroy heading to Connecticut, leaving Gloria and chef Tracey in charge of the brood. Not only is Kim scheduled to do an appearance at a casino, she’s also returning to her roots. The casino is in her hometown!
In their absence, Kroy has charged Slade with building a shelving system for the boys’ playroom. Wait, what? Slade is unsure as to whether he’s capable of constructing furniture, but he concedes that it shouldn’t be impossible. After all, he can read. Just not well, right? Returning to the town where she grew up, Kim is overwhelmed by the time warp. Nothing has changed, except her nose. Seriously, does she think we are that dumb? As the couple cruises the main drag, Kim remembers working at every fast food restaurant from Burger King to Taco Bell to Krispy Kreme. She always got fired for giving out free food to her friends.
There’s a lot of good TV on tonight – Dancing with the Stars, Real Housewives of Orange County, and Ladies of London, oh my! Thank goodness for the DVR! – but Kim Zolciak‘s debut on Dancing with the Stars is my top priority tonight. And I assume the live TV seven second delay will be ABC‘s #1 priority.
While Kim‘s #$@%! mouth will keep ABC busy Monday nights, Tony Dovolani has been tasked with trying to keep the Don’t Be Tardy star on her toes (well, anywhere but on her ass, eating pizza and drinking wine).
Tony said he’s happy with Kim so far, adding, “She’s got a great attitude. Just getting to meet her was a pleasure because in watching her show over all these years, you kind of have an idea of what this person is. And then you meet them and you go, ‘Oh, OK, hold on they’re different,’ or, ‘They’re the same.’ And in this particular case, she is exactly what she’s like on TV. And that’s pretty cool.”
Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy was a plethora of lessons on family, vocabulary, and just how insane Tracey the chef may actually be. Kim Zolciak-Biermann doesn’t want her children to ever leave home. She’s distraught at Ariana’s plotting to fly the coop as soon as possible–who will watch KJ, Kash, and the twins? Kroy spends the episode basking in Tracey’s praise and chugging the champagne of beers. It’s like Norman Rockwell threw up all over this family. 🙂
Ariana is a built-in baby-sitter for her younger siblings, while Kim, Kroy and Tracey joke around in the kitchen. Ariana gripes that sister Brielle uses the youngest kids for nothing but selfie props. Tracey is in love with Kroy in a heterosexualhomophobic just like you love your favorite neighbor way. She thinks he’s just the best guy, and she wishes her girlfriend of ten years could be more like him. Kim questions Tracey about her relationship with Brooklyn, and Tracey admits they argues a lot. Brooklyn isn’t passive and go-with-the-flow like the perfect Kroy, and Tracey spends too much time playing games on her phone to make an effort. It’s not Tracey’s fault she was couldn’t pay attention at the euthanasia party for Brooklyn’s cat…she was crushing candy!