Last night I had a nightmare; a giant wig was taking over, smothering me with it's synthetic polyester strands and reeking of olive oil and burnt hair. It emerged from a microwave waving a cigarette in my face. It's tendrils grabbing at me like Ursula from The Little Mermaid, smothering me and whispering 'Biiiiig Poooopa. Don't Be Taaaardy for Biiiig Pooooppppa!' I couldn't escape! It was horrible! It was so frightening. I woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. That really happened. And it was called the premiere of Don't Be Tardy: When Wigs Attack. Otherwise known as the Wigs-N-Cigs Variety Show!
So Kim Zolciak-Biermann invaded our screens again last night and the more things change the more they stay the same, eh. In the two-episode series premiere things open with Kim popping out Baby Kash. Yes, she was wearing a wig and stage make-up in the delivery room. No, she did not put down her phone even while crowning. And worst of all, Kroy Biermann was pigging out on fast food while she was having contractions. And that's how Kash emerged forth into the universe. Immediately before giving birth Kim starts directing her daughters to pick up a massive order of ravioli and frappuccinos. And cigarettes and wine.
Real Housewives of Atlanta is coming to a close soon (whatever will we do with our Sunday nights?) but the drama that occurred this season is anything but quiet.
Kandi Burruss and NeNe Leakes have had an ongoing feud for seasons. And one that no one really understands. Sometimes they seem to get along fine and then all of the sudden they don't like each other? Huh? NeNe has blamed Kandi being a "hater" for the issues, but Kandi seems to hint that it's manufactured drama for the show!
"We don't really have anything to say to each other," Kandi told The Hollywood Reporter of NeNe. "We really don't talk to each other outside of things we're doing for the show. Like I don't really have a problem with her for real. And I don't think she really has a problem with me. But every time I turn around she has something smart to say to me so I just give her the same energy she gives me."
Kim Zolciak has the perfect plan for keeping her Bravo spinoff career going: more babies! And more legal dramas!
The Don't Be Tardy star recently shared that she and husband Kroy Biermann are planning for baby no. 3. Oh lord. Aren't we all tired of that storyline already? Kim and Kroy want a daughter this time.
"We're not done. I think we'll have one more. We'll see." Kim credits Kash being an easy baby as the reason she's ready for a third. "He sleeps 12 hours and wakes up smiling!" Kimtold Us Weekly of Kash. "I was the most well-rested new mom on the planet."
Kim Zolciak will be back to traumatize us next week. Oh how I've missed my television sans wigs, cigs, and mistresses on an egotrip! Luckily for me I will not long await the return of classless wig porn talk, fast food binges, and the bellowing war cry of "SWEEEEETIEEEE!"
Don't Be Tardy premieres with back-to-back episodes next Tuesday! Bravo just released the official press photos of Lady Wigs and her strands of terror.
Apparently the other female passenger "mistakenly" assumed Kim and Kroy tried to join the mile-high club in the bathroom and the woman decided a little mid-flight ménage à trois might be fun so she tried to join the party.
It's been a big few weeks for Real Housewives of Atlanta gossip…some good, some not so good. While the Bravo franchise had the worthy distinction of being the network's most watched show to date, newbie Porsha Stewart faced the news that husband Kordell was filing for divorce. In light of this terrible situation, Porsha did what any good housewife would do. She put on a brave face at the Bravo Upfronts presentation. Kudos to her for trying to maintain some normalcy…or at least what's normal in the life of a reality star!
Meanwhile, Phaedra Parks is looking forward to baby boy number two with husbandApollo Nida. Putting the much talked about Bootygate aside, the lawyer/mortician/over-the-top personality took some time to chat about her latest endeavors…mainly her expanding family. Let's hear the good stuff first!
Construction on Zolciak Manor (aka Kim Zolciak's dream home) is still chugging along!
The former Real Housewives of Atlanta star took to Twitter this week to share the latest updates on her eight-fireplace dream home. Kim also shared some behind-the-scenes shots from the taping of "Don't Be Tardy" and confirmed that she WILL be attending the Atlanta reunion! (Oh this should be good!)
With less than one month until the season 2 debut of her spinoff, Kim shared the above photo from filming day on DBT, "Our 1st two stand ins!! Now we are finally in the chair! I know you love our sweats at the bottom! #rolling". Worth noting: Kroy's toes are painted, too.