There’s a lot of good TV on tonight – Dancing with the Stars, Real Housewives of Orange County, and Ladies of London, oh my! Thank goodness for the DVR! – but Kim Zolciak‘s debut on Dancing with the Stars is my top priority tonight. And I assume the live TV seven second delay will be ABC‘s #1 priority.
While Kim‘s #$@%! mouth will keep ABC busy Monday nights, Tony Dovolani has been tasked with trying to keep the Don’t Be Tardy star on her toes (well, anywhere but on her ass, eating pizza and drinking wine).
Tony said he’s happy with Kim so far, adding, “She’s got a great attitude. Just getting to meet her was a pleasure because in watching her show over all these years, you kind of have an idea of what this person is. And then you meet them and you go, ‘Oh, OK, hold on they’re different,’ or, ‘They’re the same.’ And in this particular case, she is exactly what she’s like on TV. And that’s pretty cool.”
Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy was a plethora of lessons on family, vocabulary, and just how insane Tracey the chef may actually be. Kim Zolciak-Biermann doesn’t want her children to ever leave home. She’s distraught at Ariana’s plotting to fly the coop as soon as possible–who will watch KJ, Kash, and the twins? Kroy spends the episode basking in Tracey’s praise and chugging the champagne of beers. It’s like Norman Rockwell threw up all over this family. 🙂
Ariana is a built-in baby-sitter for her younger siblings, while Kim, Kroy and Tracey joke around in the kitchen. Ariana gripes that sister Brielle uses the youngest kids for nothing but selfie props. Tracey is in love with Kroy in a heterosexualhomophobic just like you love your favorite neighbor way. She thinks he’s just the best guy, and she wishes her girlfriend of ten years could be more like him. Kim questions Tracey about her relationship with Brooklyn, and Tracey admits they argues a lot. Brooklyn isn’t passive and go-with-the-flow like the perfect Kroy, and Tracey spends too much time playing games on her phone to make an effort. It’s not Tracey’s fault she was couldn’t pay attention at the euthanasia party for Brooklyn’s cat…she was crushing candy!
So, a special thanks to Kim Zolciak Biermann, Kroy and crew for a much needed break from Miley Cyrus and the VMAs last night. I know, I know, I didn’t have to watch, but I couldn’t stop…until it was time for Don’t Be Tardy. Gracious pop culture can make me feel so incredibly old! Of course, I feel like I’m watching the reality show a 40-year-old Miley will have with her family as Kim answers their phone to hear four-year-old son cage yelling to open the “f@$%ing gate” so he and the nanny can get into the driveway. Kim scolds her oldest daughters for giving KJ a potty mouth as she jokes that she never swears in front of her young ones. Eye roll.
The family is getting ready for their annual vacation to Destin, Florida, but Kim is hoping for more glamorous locales once the twins get older….like Mexico. Chef Tracey (who loves to say things for shock value to make sure she gets more screen time) warns Kim of the rampant child organ black market in Mexico. Tracey swears she’s not making it up, but Kim quickly changes the subject to something more important…her wigs. How will they best transport her precious wigs to Florida? Shoe boxes is not the way to go…they need seat belts. Kroy suggests a U-Haul for the wigs, but Kim deems that “trashy.”
Y’all, I’m torn. On one hand, I enjoy watching a show on Bravo that doesn’t revolve around incessant bickering and pettiness, but on the other hand…that chef, the language, Kim Zolciak Biermann’s new face that she’s denying! What’s up with all of that? Don’t Be Tardy is certainly mindless entertainment, but I feel like it’s also killing my brain cells…but what reality show isn’t these days? 🙂
Last night’s installment begins with Kroy and the obnoxious chef playing pool as Gloria the assistant brings downstairs the overly excited tiny pups with their red rockets glaring in Kim’s face. As Kim complains about the puppies x-rated doggie parts, one creature pees on Brielle’s bum and everyone gets into an overly ridiculous conversation about how many sacs hold the testicles in both canines and men. Kim has felt the balls and sacs with her pooches and her husband. That’s a tad too much information for this blogger!
Geez Louise! Just the preview for the upcoming season of Don’t Be Tardy gave me the spins–I’d almost forgotten how quickly that theme song infiltrates your brain and refuses to leave! Good thing I still have some of Kim Zoliciak Biermann’s mango sparkling moscato to get me through the premiere. Kidding…if a bottle of wine goes a week (much less a year) in my house without being opened, there’s a reason.
The episode begins with Kim and Kroy wrangling their youngest children as KJ helps their full time chef Tracey. Should I be bothered that Tracey just said “ass” in front of a four-year-old? Brielle enters dressed in her mother’s hand-me-downs from the first season of Real Housewives of Atlanta, and in tow is her boyfriend Slade. Yep, there are at least two of them in Bravoland now! He changed his college plans just so he could stay in Atlanta and be close to his love. The family is celebrating Ariana’s constant string of straight As as Brielle brags about being on the top ten list of most absences. With Kroy as a free agent, everyone is frazzled about the possibility of moving, and the older girls are hellbent on staying in Atlanta.
Brielle Biermann didn’t just inherit her mom’s looks, she also inherited her sense of humor. Kim Zolciak’s eldest daughter is taking a moment out of her family’s hectic Don’t Be Tardy promotional schedule to give her mom a little crap.
Everyone on Twitter has been posting the “Straight Outta” pics in promotion of the release of the movie “Straight Outta Compton.” Brielle took it one further and instead of posting their city of origin – she poked fun at her reproducing mom! Brielle stamped a family photo from her graduation carnival with a hilarious “Straight Outta Condoms.” Kim responded to the Tweet, “Soooo my daughter @briellebiermann thinks she is funny #IDidLaugh #AllInGoodFun #SenseOfHumor #KashWasSleeping.”
Kim Zolciak went from Real Housewife to actual real-life Housewife and she also went from Real Housewives Of Atlanta star to having her own spinoff as a mom of six, married to NFL player Kroy Biermann.
Don’t Be Tardy is returning for its fourth season and Wigs N Cigs is dishing all about how her life (and her kids’ lives) have changed since reality TV, what fame really means, and her rules for marriage in the public eye, and why she refuses to let internet haters affect her.
“I always wanted to be famous – my whole life,” admits Kim. “You can look at the journal I wrote at aged twelve where I said I can’t wait to have my own show by the time I’m 30. I was 29 when I started on Housewives.” But is it all that she envisioned? On fame, Kim says, “A lot of people want it but they don’t realize what comes with it. Your whole life is scrutinized.”