Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there! So what you're about to read has got to be one of the most far-fetched and ridiculous things I've ever heard, until you realize it's about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, and ridiculousness for these two is any given Tuesday. It would actually be more far-fetched to hear about them doing something normal…like grocery shopping, or volunteering, or, I don't know, staying out of the public eye for a quick minute.
Sadly, we all know that will never happen. Ever. So, in the meantime, let's discuss North West'sfirst birthday, shall we? It's today. Happy birthday, kid. Use those candles to wish for a tiny bit of normalcy, to never be dressed by your father, and that genetics don't curse you with your mother's ass.
About Kim's wedding, Krisgushed, "It was so beautiful and magical – and that feeling went through every single person. It was just a love fest. It was the most wonderful time I think I've ever had and it's hard to explain that to somebody in words." Kris also revealed thatKim has changed her name to Kim Kardashian West. At least for the next 72ish days.
The sole Kardashian male (I'm not countingBruce Jenner– sorry!) has been battling his weight and all but disappeared from public life this year. Then he bailed on Kim Kardashian's massive wedding fiasco, very publicly leaving Paris the day before the nuptials took place amid reports of Kim fat shaming him. Butt, perhaps, Rob had a crystal ball that told him of the chaos.
And this is why I put little to no stock in what celebrities have to say about politics. Sure, they love to talk (and talkandtalkandtalkandtalk) about whatever candidate best fits their personal agenda or is en vogue with the A-listers of Hollywood, but do most of them even have a clue? At best, the extent of Kim Kardashian's political knowledge comes from School House Rock, at worst…well, this is pretty bad.
The reality star was shunned by the Obama campaign, and the President himself once referred to her now husbandKanye West as a "jackass." Classic Barack. Now, Kim is diving head first into local politics, backing California's 33rd District Congressional Candidate Marianne Williamson. So what has Kim contributed to the campaign? Money? Of course not! But she did write a boastful blog about a recent press event with Marianne.
Kanye WestandKim Kardashianwere married on Saturday at the Forte di Belvedere in Florence, Italy. Kim wore a white lace Givenchy Haute Couture gown, complete with a long silk white veil, and Kanye wore a Givenchy tuxedo.
After the wedding ceremony, Kanye treated his guests to a 20-minute speech, during which he called Kim his "ideal art" and the "ideal celebrity."
Kanye referred to the Kardashians as an "industry" and "the most remarkable people of our time" who "make the world a better place." He continued, "I am defined by being a celebrity. The world is our altar. They feel like it's okay to put you on the tabloid covers to sell your image, to use you in a SNL spoof. We don't negotiate. We're not like that. We're not stupid."
For today's installment of utterly ridiculous news featuring the Kardashians:
Khloe andKourtney Kardashian have filed criminal charges against a clown, Richie the Barber, who threw confetti at them. No, I'm not kidding. This family takes themselves way too seriously!! I understand that Khloe and Kourtney's personal space was violated, but surely they have something better to do with their time – maybe teach younger sister Kendall how to read – than worry about confetti in their hair.
"They were okay, they went in the car and drove away," Richie said about the incident, which was caught on camera for Keeping Up with the Kardashians. "Then the bodyguard came out to me. They called the cops and said it was battery, a hate crime, stuff like that. The cops came to talk to me and filed a report." TMZ reported that the cops "privately scoffed" at the complaint and did nothing to pursue the "frivolous" claims.
Kourtney and Khloe reportedly followed up with cops a few days ago – and announced that they now want to file criminal battery charges against Richie.
I'll be happy when I can say 'Ciao' (or Kiao as the case may be) to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West after their upcoming wedding. We all know they have grand plans to fade into obscurity once married and enjoy a little down time out of the spotlight…just the two of them with daughter North–no nanny, no camera crews, no Kris Jenner.
Sorry, I couldn't even type that without cackling hysterically at the thought of Kim giving up fame for even a few hours. Bless her. Yeezy too. He isn't going anywhere. He loves attention, and he seems to believe that we want to know every tiny detail of the couple's personal lives. Why else would he tell us where North was conceived? Hey, his admission may give insight to the most recent Kimye wedding rumors!