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Elton John Academy Awards Viewing Party

Look I'm just gonna say it straight out: I don't believe this anymore than I believe Kim Kardashian's butt (or her relationship to Kanye West) is real! 

Last week Kim played the role of paid escort to billionaire Richard Lugner at the Vienna Opera Ball. After taking his money, she proceeded to complain about him all over the media. Now Kim is claiming her trip to Vienna was even worse than we imagined! 

“Some woman started screaming obscenities at me for being in a mixed-race relationship…and went on for about five hours,” the Keeping Up With The Kardashians star whined to Piers Morgan. “They called the police when we landed, and she was taken away. But it was so disgusting.”

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Khloe Kardashian arriving at Loews Hollywood Hotel

The guest list for Kim Kardashian and the tiny rapper's intimate wedding may have just gotten smaller by two people. While the producers of Keeping up with the Kardashians want to film yet another of Kim's weddings for the show (they need a story line, y'all!), putting the hoopla affair on E! may cost Kanye West his desired best man. 

As Kim preps for her big day (shouldn't be too hard to plan for given that it's her third), sister Khloe Kardashian is strutting her stuff now that she's newly single. She sported the above outfit (is she going for hillbilly dominatrix?) while attending a Rick Ross concert. I guess she doesn't want to get lost in the shuffle, but I doubt that outfit will help Kim convince Beyonce that her wedding to Yeezy will be a classy affair!

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Khloe Kardashian Appears at Kardashian Khaos

So both Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian were the victims of robberies recently. It would only make sense that they find new places to reside so it wouldn't happen again. Not really, of course, but after Khloe discovered more than $200,000 worth of jewelry was missing while moving out of her marital home with Lamar Odom, she's finally found a new place to stash her pricey belongings.

In case you were curious, Khloe is a true Bielieber. After selling her home to the star of The Big Bang Theory, Khloe is set to purchase the douchiest house in Calabasas. That's right! She's buying Justin Bieber's party pad. I am sure his neighbors are overjoyed that the egg-slinging jackhole popstar is moving to Atlanta. Atlanta? Not so much. Speaking of, Kris Jenner's house is on the market as well…at least the exterior, that is! Confused? Keep reading!

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kourtney-kardashian-khloe-kardashian

Do we know the whereabouts of the Bling Ring? Really, are they in jail? Filming a new season of Pretty Wild (I loved that awful show #sorrynotsorry)? Collecting Hollywood paychecks as residuals for the major motion picture that was made about them? The authorities in Calabasas, California may want to find out what that crazy gang of kids has been up to as of late because someone has been ripping off the Kardashians.

Both Khloe Kardashian and sister Kourtney have been robbed recently…and the instances may be connected. Quick, someone call Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson because this could be a job for them (totally obsessed with True Detective when I'm not watching reality shows!). Seriously, it is odd that both sisters were targeted by criminals at the same time. 

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sister-wives-kody-brown-commitment-ceremony

The reality TV viewer numbers are in.

Good Numbers:  Real Housewives of Atlanta continues to interest a large audience. 4.041 million tuned in for the Bailey Bowl drama this week. The season finale of Sister Wives attracted 2.235 million and 1.916 million stuck around for the tell all special, bringing the season average to 2.025 million.

Steady: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills trip to Puerto Rico attracted 1.8 million and Basketball Wives L.A. logged 1.882 million viewers this week. Dance Moms and Teen Mom 2 consistently log strong and steady numbers despite giving us two of the most hated reality TV stars in recent history – 2.069 million sat through Abby's abusive ways and 2.222 million couldn't resist Jenelle's shameful behavior.  

Bad Numbers: 2.072 million fans watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians this week. That's a 500,000 drop from last week's over-hyped proposal show. Part two the Shahs of Sunset reunion garnered 1.044 million viewers. Do you think Shahs of Sunset will return with a season average of 1.272 million?

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Kim Kardashian and Jonathan Cheban in Soho

You know, as much as I blame Ray J for the whole Kardashian kerfluffle, I don't think Ryan Seacrest is totally without fault. After all, the E! mastermind keeps renewing their show season after season and promoting their shenanigans every chance he can. His most recent infraction occurred when he had Kim Kardashian on his radio show yesterday to talk about what she claims will be her "super, super-small intimate" wedding to the tiny rapper. 

While we're on the subject of Keeping up with the Kardashians star, some yahoo is calling Kim the "Marilyn Monroe of our age." Yes, you read that right…and for once it's not Kanye West (even though he's made that lame comparison in the past). Do people just throw around Norma Jeane's name without knowing anything about her? Kim is nothing like Marilyn…and would she even want to be? What a tragic life.

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Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick LAX

Imagine…someone in Canada thinks Keeping up with the Kardashians is too crude. Are we watching the same show? Obviously, I'm being sarcastic, although I am not at all surprised by the dirty mouths on Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim, nor do their thong pulling, underwear sniffing, breast leaking antics shock me in the least. How sad is that?

It all started with a "knock knock" joke courtesy of Lord Scott Disick on Keeping up with the Kardashians that aired on October 23 in the middle of the afternoon. He and Kourtney spent part of the episode using donuts and carrots to simulate a certain sex act.  Keepin' it klassy, those two! I guess I should give you the warning that there may some offensive jokes and/or language after the jump…you know, the warning that the Canadian version of E! forgot to issue before the episode in question!

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brody jenner

It's your update on all things Kardashian–you're over the moon, I'm sure! I promise to bypass any news about Kim and the tiny rapper, and only focus on some of the more tolerable gossip…like Lamar Odom professing that Khloe Kardashian will always be his wife, no matter what! I may even have some sad rumors for you too. Could the eye candy that is Brody Jenner (brother Brandon's just as hot!) be peacing out on Keeping up with the Kardashians? Honestly, he didn't seem overly happy to spend time with Kris Jenner just to get to see father Bruce. And finally, because, hey, everybody's doing it!–Kendall and Kylie Jenner are dishing on their new young adult novel.  Happy weekend, y'all!

Speaking to Us Weekly, Lamar reveals he isn't ready to give up on his marriage.  He says, "I love my wife. She'll always be my wife, no matter what. Who knows? We don't know exactly if [the divorce is going through]. Only time will tell. I hope not. But even if we were divorced, she would always be my wife," sharing, "Those were some of the best years of my life. Being married and being married to a woman I decided to marry was, besides having children, the most important thing in my life." 

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