Brandi Glanville is on a bender – a shooting off her mouth bender, that is! She just cannot keep those size 40 Loubs out of her injected pout! Girl really… take a vacation from the media. I should take a vacation from giving her press, too. But I just can't quit…
Which is how Brandi describes her relationship with boyfriend JR in her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills blog. Brandi says she dumped him after he took off for a music festival last minute with friends and did not invite her.
"So after he got me my dream rental the day prior, I text my 'boyfriend' JR, saying 'Let's go out and celebrate!' He texts me back 'Just randomly, last minute boarded a plane to Austin for a music festival with a bunch of my 'couples friends' and will be back in a few days. . .'"
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills battle lines were drawn in the mythical sand using witches wands and Louboutins. Did I mention the witches were also wearing Louboutins, because yeah… Beverly Hills and all that.
So Brandi Glanville invites us all over to her bathroom to watch her take a bath while the editors blurred over her ladybits. Jennifer Gimenez stopped by because doesn't one always entertain while they're naked?! They talk boys; Brandi and JR's relationship isn't going anywhere and Jennifer thinks he needs dumping.
Brandi goes on a date with JR where she confronts him about not ordering a drink first and oh yeah – taking a couples trip to Texas without 1/2 of his coupling. That half being her! Apparently JR was with all his friends, who are couples, but he didn't want to bring Brandi.
JR is pretty unapologetic about the whole thing and it triggers Brandi's "trust issues" since in case you have been living in a black hole or on Mars and weren't aware, Brandi was cheated on you guys. She was like SO cheated on and like she needs to discuss it forever and ever and ever and ever because she apparently doesn't have anything else going on besides Botox and drinking.
Carlton Gebbia is one of the new girls on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills block. And unfortunately for her she seems to have made fast enemies with Kyle Richards. You know what – I ain't worried for her. And Carlton ain't worried for herself. She'll just drop an F-bomb or two on Splits, hop on her broom stick, and be on her merry way.
But before all that Carlton was forced to get acquainted with her new co-star. Let's hear what she has to say.
"I received a call from Kyle to join her for lunch or dinner. . . I was a little surprised but thought it was a nice gesture and a perfect opportunity for us to get to know one another better," Carltonexplains in her Bravo blog. Carlton admits that after they got off to a rocky start at the Chamber of Commerce partay of the ceturay she may have "misjudged" Kyle. You know what they say about first impressions, Carlton: they're rarely ever wrong!
You know what they say about Splits? She's always got a leg up on a table the other ladies! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Kyle Richards is playing a delicate game of chess with old and new frenemies and making sure whatever she sees on an episode goes into her blog to make her the underdog. I will say that Lisa Vanderpump's edit isn't helping matters, but Kyle will never be the victim, no matter how chummy she gets with Brandi Glanville or whether she's able to prove that Yolanda Foster is a big fat liar!
In her Bravo blog, Kyle recaps the episode for us, and she starts off very tame. She begins, "Seeing Yolanda sick like that really makes one appreciate their health. You can see how weak she feels and hard that must be for a strong woman like Yolanda. Without the support and love of family it would be be so much more difficult to go through that. She is fortunate to have such strong support system," adding, "When Brandi was moving into her house and said she needed her mommy, I could SO relate! I always say that. Unfortunately, I don't have mine anymore but still always feel that. Brandi is so lucky to still have her mom and they seem to have a loving, fun relationship." Cue the violins!
Last night things were starting to settle in on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Everything that is except Carlton Gebbia who really cannot f–king deal with anyone and is over everything. Oh and Brandi Glanville's face – that's not settling either. She better watch it or she'll be turning into her arch-nemesis Adrienne Maloof!
Unfortunately the show began on a sour note. Poor Yolanda Foster is bravely taking us through her health journey battling Lyme Disease, which sounds horrible. I am seriously never going into the woods again. No, No, No!
Lemanda is undergoing surgery to remove a tube that sends antibiotics straight to her bloodstream and to celebrate she's doing a master cleanse instead of having a drink. I will never understand – pass me the alcohol! Gawd, do I sound like Brandi. #EpicFail. Even Yolanda's housekeeper is master cleansing and dividing all the lemonstrocity juice into a million Fuji bottles. Lemon does know how bad that is for the environment, right?
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Responding to the season premiere Brandi calls out Lisa for making a series of "little digs". I must have been watching a different episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, then!
"I was honestly shocked to see all the digs that Lisa took at Kyle [Richards] in this episode. . . .not to say that Kyle and I won't have many future digs for one another along our path," Brandi admits in her Bravo blog.
"But this one really stuck with me and I just found it so inappropriate: when Lisa was speaking of the Mauricio's cheating rumors in front of Portia, Kyle and Mauricio's five year old daughter!!! Portia is five and she and my son Jake are almost the same age. Let me tell you these kids hear and understand EVERYTHING that gets said to them and around them."