Monday's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills had the Richards sisters celebrating graduation, Yolanda Foster celebrating her husband's star on the Walk of Fame, and, what was that again? Yes, yes. Brandi making out with Carlton. While she mentions all of it in her Bravo blog, I've just chosen to highlight her new infatuation with Splits and her sibling sidekick. Brandi feels sorry for Kyle, y'all. Join me, won't you, as we return to bitch mountain…
Ahhh… Real Housewives of Bevelry Hills: where totally untrue in every way cheating rumors never die. Oh! And famous people get to block traffic and redecorate the sidewalk just for being famous.
Over at Kyle Richards' Faye Resnick-fied castle of tchotchke, she's upset because she has to clean up alllllll the dog poop like every day, despite a plethora of brightly colored postage notes decorating the cabinetry advising people otherwise. Poor Kyle – nobody listens to her! Nobody cares! Nobody cares what Kyle wants!
And what does Kyle want? Attention and caftans. Preferably together. Since Kyle presumably has nothing else to talk about but cheating rumors that are totally NOT TRUE and that she totally wants to DISAPPEAR, she and Mauricio sit down to discuss said cheating rumors and how untrue and absolutely ludicrous they are.
Joyce chatted with Steppin' Out magazine's Dan Lorenzo in their latest issue, due out December 18th. Joyce covered everything from who she'd stay in contact with if the show were canceled and explained why she finally caved and worked with her producer hubby.
Yolanda says she was excited about circus school and saw it as an opportunity to have fun and deal with unresolved issues within the group. "I strongly believe that a lot of problems in this group would disappear if we started to talk to each other rather than about each other," she cites.
Well, if it isn't news from the original sex tape to reality star queen herself? Or was it the other way around…reality star to sex tape? To be honest, it's been so long since Paris Hilton has been a fixture in the tabloid circuit, I can't even remember. These days her aunts Kyle and Kim Richards are more prominent in reality television gossip than the once over-exposed (in more ways than one!) heiress…although we all know how much Kyle loves to name-drop her niece at any given opportunity.
Not that I'm complaining about Paris' hiatus. Hats off to her for knowing when enough was getting to be enough. Too bad her former bestie Kim Kardashian kan't take the hint. Now Paris is once again answering questions about her leaked sexcape aptly named "One Night In Paris." Porn names are so clever.
This week's installment continued to focus on Kyle Richards and the evil, terrible, horrifying, life-destroying, totally not true in any way cheating rumors concerning her husband. Was anyone else thinking, "What cheating rumors?" until RHOBH spent 4 episodes talking about it? Anyway, in her Bravo blog Kyle reveals that she does not find tabloid lies funny. Even less funny – unsupportive friends. Everyone should be wooed into submission by her constant hair flips!
"Hearing 'news' about my family on TV or on the Internet is not new to me," Splits states reminding us that 65 eons ago she was kinda a big deal. A legend in her own hair mind. "However, this is the first time I have been in this position personally. I too have been guilty at times of thinking that there had to be some sort of truth behind these stories."
"8th grade drama sounds the same 30 years later," Kyle tells Mauricio. You know it! Time for all y'all ladies to take a little Alice In Wonderland pill and grow the EFF up!
Things begin with Brandi and Carlton Gebbia shopping at Trashy Lingerie. Ahem. Brandi and Carlton verbally molest each other and gush about much they love beautiful women in an innuendo-laden crapfest. But neither of them are lesbians or something.
Brandi is buying lingerie for her non-relationship and wants to bury a crystal to evoke new love. How about bury the past? Not talking about your ex constantly might help welcome someone new into your life!
Lisa's integrity is also being questioned left and right – including whether or not she fake fainted on Dancing With The Stars last season. Well Lisa is fighting back by throwing some serious shade and also finally stooping to the levels of her co-stars and bashing them on Twitter. Well at least bashing by re-tweet! Hey the masses have spoken: Kyle and Brandi are behaving like super twats brats!
"I am disappointed but not surprised to see how gleefully Kyle initiated the conversation of my last performance on DWTS. It was as if they relished me being voted off DWTS," Lisa writes in her Bravo blog about the ladies discussing her in the limo on the way to Carlton Gebbia's luncheon.