Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is brought you by Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors." And it also confirmed two things I've long suspected: 1) Househusbands are like fleas when it comes to the series; unwelcome guests that just annoy the hell out of us and should stay home (I'm looking at you, Mauricio "Maurice" Umansky) and 2) One should never, ever, ever attend a party thrown by SplitsRichards. Lets just all stick to parties at Yolanda Foster's from now on. I mean, Babs might attend!
Things begin with Scheana Marie Famewhore putting on her best "I feel so sad and ashamed" face that she's been practicing in the mirror for weeks in anticipation of her big ol' TV debut. Unfortunately Scheana feels about as bad about squashing Brandi Glanville's marriage as she did squashing the spider she found in her bathroom last week.
Brandi, on the other hand, is still totally not over Douche King Eddie Cibrian and she narrows her eyes looks right at Scheana and hisses that he's probably cheating on ol' crazy noodles LeAnn Rimes right now. Scheana's eyes get wide, she starts to look nervous, and then Brandi – all 35 feet of her – stands up, looks down at her and breezes out. Scheana does a quick vital signs assessment, realizes she's in one piece, and then runs out as fast as her shaky legs can carry her.
Brandi breezes into the Office de Vanderpump for a counseling session and a glass of much needed rosé. I need rosé on tap too. Lisa Vanderpump – hook a girl up!
New Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Marisa Zanuck is getting quite the initiation. Her intro to the group happened during one of Kyle Richards' infamous dinner parties. The dessert on the menu is rarely the edible kind, but it is always the lipsmackingly ridiculous and scandalous kind!
"I remember leaving the dinner very surprised at all the conflict that had developed in the past few months," Marisa shares. During yoga "I was trying to listen to Kyle and process what she was saying but found it hard to focus on all of the accusations and suppositions that didn't involve me. I like to have fun and so does Kyle. I know it is hard for Kyle to be in the middle of all the drama, she is much more in her element when she is having a good time."
It's a small world when it comes to reality television…even smaller when you're talking about Beverly Hills. Everything seems to overlap, and the same is true when talking about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Those two are all over the place!
Of course, pimp momager Kris Jenner wants to make sure she still has the upper hand when it comes to taking care of her favorite daughter, and she's going to make sure she gets her way. Also interesting is how everyone's favorite househusband helped the couple secure their new home. We'll also hear from one of their uber famous soon-to-be neighbors.
Last season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills viewers saw Adrienne Maloof and her family wrestle with the decision to move their NBA team the Sacramento Kings to a new city where they could get a state-of-the-art arena built for less money.
But now, according to Yahoo! Sports, the family is thisclose to negotiating a deal to SELL the team to Seattle for an estimated $500 Million dollars!
The deal is still unsigned but is expected to go through although it will take "some time" to reach a formal agreement. The new investor group, which includes hedge-fund manager Chris Hansen and Microsoft chairman Steve Ballmer, is allegedly wary because of the Maloof's history of bailing on negotiations at the last minute.
Last year the Maloofs were very close to finalizing a deal to build the new Sacramento arena before canceling at the very last minute!
I always wanted a sister, and maybe that's why it is so heartbreaking for me to see the demise of Kim Richards and Kyle "Splits" Richards relationship on the past and present seasons of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Check that. If I'd had a sister, there is no question we would fight like cats and dogs (I'm feisty!). However, no imaginary sister of mine would have been cool enough in my younger years to carry Disney's Witch Mountain franchise. Furthermore, had I been blessed with two sisters, the lesser known, but very flexible one could never have pulled off starring along side Bette Davis in the freaky Watcher In The Woods. NERAK!
I realize that I often reference this movie when discussing Splits, but it's amazing. I'd tell you to Redbox it, but you probably need to find your local dying Blockbuster to locate it and see Splits in all of her supernatural glory. I feel like knowing the Richards sisters' past makes me more cognizant of their present. A sober Kim is clearly ridding herself of the demons that found her playing the teenage breadwinner, and Kyle is still uber-jealous that her older sister was the breakout child star. I should stop playing arm chair psychiatrist and get on with the post, right? My apologies.
Thankfully, now that the season we're currently watching has wrapped, everything seems to be much better with the Richards sisters. Thank goodness. Their family drama was painful to endure…at best!
Let's discuss the crafty editors on last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. So there they were with a whole huge storyline about how skanky Scheana Marie Famewhore pretended she had never heard of nor seen Eddie Cibrian before and participated in a two-year-long affair with him not knowing he was married to Brandi Glanville. I mean Eddie was unemployed, but karma is a bitch because he eventually left both Scheana and Brandi for LeAnn Rimes. And I would say Eddie lost on that gamble!
Other things happened last night. Bravo introduced us toTaylor Armstrong's boyfriend John Bluher. Way back in the day Taylor was telling us John was her pro-bono attorney on the $1.5M lawsuit she was battling against MMRGlobal. They were also "just friends." Friends with benefits, also known as an affiar. And then he just popped up on the screen attending a couple's night with Taylor, Kyle Richards, and Lisa Vanderpump. Wasn't that a coincidence. Sometimes – just sometimes – the Bravo editors don't do us injustice. Hey, it's once in a blue moon!
Things begin withFaye Resnick trying her darndest to become relevant. Yeah, we still don't like you – go away. Faye's face is like melted, globbed together wax. It's clear that with the friendship she shares with Adrienne Maloof, they also share a plastic surgeon. Karma is a bitch like that, I s'pose!
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Kyle and her mini fashionista were spotted hanging out at her store in Beverly Hills, Kyle by Alene Too. Portia was playing runway model, trying on the goods and striking poses for the cameras. Take a peek at the impromptu photoshoot below!
P.S. Brandi, if you get invited to any birthday shindigs this month by your RHOBH co-star, we have one word for you: decline, decline, decline!