Things begin with a frazzled Lisa Hochstein fanning herself and clutching her pearls because Joanna Krupa's rabid makeup artist called her a bad, bad, BAD name which a lady shall not repeat. My stars!
The worst infraction was that Joanna was laughing – laughing! – as Lisa was maliciously attacked. I personally think the worst thing was Joanna's Miss Innocent act as if she had no clue in this world what Lisa was referring to and that she would never, ever, EVER participate in such a thing! Anyway, this crazed crotchety makeup man called Lisa a "whore" and also untalented and broke. So there's that.
In retaliation Lisa practically leaps off the sofa; her boobs threatened to spill out from the top of her dress as they trembled and clung for dear life. She's pointing and shrieking that Joanna is "Fake! FAKE, FAKE, Fake, Fake, FAKE!"
As Andy Cohen exclaimed in an excited frenzy last night, "I love evidence!" So, too, do we. Which means the ladies of Real Housewives of Miami came packing with the accusations, the evidence, the wild slanderous statements, and one of the dirtiest reunion shows I've seen since Thou Show That Should Not Be Named But Has An Indicted Star And Lots Of Family Feuding. Don't want to wake the dead with that mention!
Anyway, back to the show of present. RHOM was vicious last night. Just the way we like it – crazy makeup, crazy hair, crazy girls, and tons of sequins flying out of their seats and and trying to deflect the even wilder accusations.
Everything starts out kinda OK, but then Joanna Krupa sort of slams Adriana de Moura's wedding and mentions several times that it was beautiful except for the lateness, inconvenience, lies, total disrespect for the guests, idiotic costume change, bitchy atrocious bride, and the whole no food or drink for hours thing. But the gown was gorgeous! You know all that stuff, but at least Adriana didn't look like a flamenco dancer and at least Adriana's husband wants to sleep with her so ziiing!
Last nightJoanna Krupa made it down the aisle on Real Housewives of Miami, but not without some serious hijinks! Like oversleeping, missing her flight, and ending up on a cheeseball pseudo-dramatic roadtrip to San Diego with Lea Black driving like a bitch out of hell.
After the epic bachelorette party, Joanna leaps out of bed in full makeup only to learn that she's tragically late. She rouses the other girls, whose lack of artifice make me think that perhaps they really did over-sleep. Lisa Hochstein and Joanna have forgiven each other for their drunken whore-gument the night before. Lisa is passed out on the floor or something and has no recollection of storming off the party bus after humping the open bar. Which is for the best.
Everyone scrambles to get ready, choose the perfect accessories and 6" heels for travel, while Lea actually arranges said travel. They end up renting an SUV, getting stranded in the dessert when Fembot needs to stop to vomit up nuts, bolts, and silicone and Adriana de Moura attempts to pee against the wind in a flowy maxi dress and some serious stripper heels. Again, who wears that on a ROAD TRIP. It's called JEANS. Well at least everyone is having fun, not taking things too seriously, and joking about the drunken antics.
Since Joanna is trying to be nice she invited the entire RHOM crew, including Adriana de Moura. There were strict instructions that Adriana had to be on sedatives. Adriana's half-hearted apology to Lea Black didn't really patch things up, so they too still have an awkward tension.
Lisa is thrilled to be getting away form Lenny 'cause they're having issues and she needs to let loose and get drunk. Fembot's adventures in Vegas are a recipe for disaster! First of all, Joanna makes all the ladies fly coach, which is hilarious. Lea is scrambling to stuff one of her 6000 purses in the carry-on hold and seems on the brink of meltdown. I swear Lisa probably almost missed the flight sprinting through the airport looking for an ATM when she realized you had to pay for booze in coach!
Lenny and Lisa Hochstein threw their 7th annual Halloween Ball, which benefits the Make-A-Wish Foundation and we have the photos for you!
Several of Lisa'sReal Housewives of Miami co-stars made an appearance at the party on Friday night, but only Marysol Patton opted to dress up for the event – going as a school girl. Lea Black and Karent Sierra both posed for pictures with Lisa, but both wore simple all black ensembles. No slutty costumes for those two!
Lisa and Lenny went all out with some creepy and bloody displays around their mansion, as well as entertaining several dozen interesting guests….
No word yet on how much money they raised for the charity.
Sometimes the Real Housewives of Miami castmates seem friendly-ish, as in the get along to get along and sometimes Alexia seems to positively despise Lea and feel forced to maintain a public friendship for the sake of convenience. Yet she still refers to her as a 'friend'.
"Aren't you happy that we all finally seem to be getting along and moving forward? I sure am! I've tried not to get involved and respect all the ladies feelings and opinions in regards to their personal situations and friendships," Alexiabegins in her Bravo blog.
Apparently Alexia understands why everyone is still annoyed with Lisa Hochstein, however, despite that they're all friends now, or something.
Adriana de Moura has been keeping her distance from Lea Black ever since Lea got wind of her little marriage lie. I mean they weren't really married, that was just a piece of paper. Or maybe they were but didn't feel married without a mega-ceremony. I really can't keep all the stories straight. Anyway, now the two have tentatively made peace.
'It was great to see all the girls act like adults and move on from the petty issues… I'm in such good place in my life right now that I no longer want to dwell on negativity. I just want to forgive and forget and let love lead my life," Adriana writes in her Bravo blog before ripping Lea a new one!
The Real Housewives of Miami star says that she refuses to blame herself for their friendship failing, because Lea is a control freak who wants to make her look bad. Right! Let's get started ripping this piece of froth to shreds.