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Lisa Lampanelli

With all the Real Housewives of New Jersey drama, most of us have likely forgotten Teresa Giudice‘s other reality show: Celebrity Apprentice! While it may not have as much crazy as RHONJ, there’s still plenty of nonsense happening. And Lisa Lampanelli doesn’t want you to forget it!

Speaking to HollywoodLife, the self-titled Queen of Mean hints that tonight’s episode is quite explosive, as she comes to verbal blows with her teammate! “Let’s just say me and Clay Aiken explode at Dayana [Mendoza] so loudly, we renamed our team Team Chernobyl,” Lisa hints. “We have the biggest eruption.”

“I feel like I’m finally vindicated,” Lisa continues. “A man, or as close to a man as Clay can be considered, is going to be backing me up and saying, ‘Wow, Lisa was right all along.’ I saw him yelling at her in the preview, and I was like, ‘You go, Blanche from The Golden Girls!’” Um… why is Lisa so impressed with her cruelty towards people. She does realize she’s embarrassing herself on national TV?

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On last night’s Celebrity Apprentice, both teams had to run improvisational puppet shows. Product placement department was really asleep at the wheel this week, since there was no corporate sponsor constantly being complemented. Ivanka Trump could barely bring herself to say “the executives” in the boardroom.

Since all shows on television now air on Sunday night, I’ll remind you that Lou Ferrigno was fired last week for only giving half of his usual “110%.” Lisa and Dayana shuffle back into the boardroom, Clay Aiken makes a snarky comment, which Lisa immediately overreacted to. Lisa, the woman who makes her living making fun of others, can dish it but certainly can not take it.

On this week’s task, Lisa Lampanelli elects herself as project manager in an attempt to finally win something, and Clay is shuffled over to Forte. Nice work, producers! Paul Teutul decides to manage this task, which is kinda weird. Aubrey O’Day would have been a shoe-in. Her hair alone is practically its own puppet!

Someone must have had a talk with Aubrey about her dominating ways because she decides to take a step back and let Paul run the show. And, since this is a different universe, Arsenio Hall & Aubrey are cool with each other! See what happens after you call your teammate a “See you next Tuesday!” You become friends afterwards. Paul had an injury the day before they start preparing for the act, so he is basically useless. Both teams get a lot of training on this task, in both, actual improv and puppeteering. Teresa Giudice loves that the improv guys encourage not knowing what you’re talking about. Do I really have to write a joke here? You know what to do, commenters! Take this and run with it. You’ve been given a gift.

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Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice opened up on Awkardville, aka the terrified remaining team members with a ranting Arsenio Hall. Everyone looked like they wanted to avoid Arsenio’s gaze. Everyone except for Lisa Lampanelli, who finally found an outfit that looked flattering (It’s 2012. There are amazing plus size options everywhere. Look into them!). Hilariously, the self-proclaimed insult comic had a problem with Arsenio’s choice of insults for Aubrey O’Day. She yelled at Arsenio that he was about to ruin his image and career and that “every woman in America would hate him” after watching his tirade.

In his talking head, Arsenio recognized how ridiculous it was that Lisa of all people should be upset with his word choice, but on the other hand, Arsenio’s anger towards Aubrey seemed way out of line. In the war room, the team decides that from now on, the team follow Teresa’s lead to avoid future problems. Who woulda thought, Teresa Giudice would be the sanest person in a room? Lou Ferrigno and Dayana Mendoza come in from the boardroom and Lisa once again, does nothing to hide her disgust. She tells Penn Jillette that from now on, the two of them will be carrying their team. She’s not exactly wrong there.

The product placement this week is for entertainment.com, a company that no one can seem to refer to with a straight face. The teams have to produce 60-second commercials for the company. Dayana steps up as project manager for Forte and Teresa decides to manage Unanimous. Aubrey makes her return and she and Arsenio have something resembling an adult discussion, and Arsenio even comes close to apologizing, blaming his emotion on the charity work, both for his old friend Magic Johnson and his “cousin from Cleveland” who recently died of AIDS. They both agree to move on.

While a part of me is rooting for Aubrey, it was a huge letdown to see her make fun of Teresa in her talking head spots, especially after Teresa saved her in the last boardroom. Everyone knows Teresa should have brought Aubrey in, and didn’t due to their friendship/alliance, so watching Aubrey take down Teresa was too much. It just confirms what Arsenio said: it’s Aubrey’s world, and it’s all “I, I, I.” Unanimous ends up having a very peaceful week working, and they even blame Arsenio’s outburst for getting all the anger out into the open, but moving past it. This is just to grown-up for me!

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With Celebrity Apprentice dwindling its roster down to the most dramatic of celebs, it’s only natural that Teresa Giudice remain standing.

Teresa recently took time out of her busy schedule to speak with The Huffington Post’s Dr. Shannon Kellog – a psychologist. Why aren’t ALL reality stars speaking to a psychologist? Dr. Kellog doesn’t diagnose Teresa, but she does quiz her about reality TV–most specifically the non-stop arguments that seem to make up Teresa’s chosen profession–and find out how she copes with the drama. An excerpt from the interview is below!

Dr. Kellogg: On Celebrity Apprentice, you seem to have a different approach to getting along with others than we’ve seen in RHONJ. What was your strategy for getting along with the other players?

Teresa: I didn’t really have a different approach. I used the same approach I use in my everyday life: I give people my heart right away, I don’t hold anything back, but if you cross me, you will hear about it. What people forget is that I was on Housewives with some of my best friends and we got along great for the first two seasons. The only drama from me came when I stood up for my friends out of loyalty.

My strategy for Celebrity Apprentice was to go in being myself because I knew that would throw people off, that they would be expecting the table-flipping Housewife, and really, that’s only a small percentage of my personality. I have degree in fashion marketing, was a buyer for Macy’s, and wrote three successful cookbooks.

I think the big difference in the two shows is how they’re filmed. For Housewives, they film us here and there for months and months, and then pick and choose little pieces to show, sometimes out of order. Like someone can pick at your nerves for months, and when you finally blow, that’s the scene they show first. You could take the same 1000 hours of footage and give it to 10 different editors, and you’d come away with 10 different versions of who that person “really is.”

For Apprentice, they filmed us for two solid months, and we did so much during that time, so many tasks, that they have to use a lot more of the footage, and mostly in order. And we all lived together in Trump Tower with almost no breaks so what you see is real: our real tension, our real frustration, and our real bonding.

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Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice was so long and intense, I feel like I need therapy just to process all the emotions I now feel. At least the three hours finally made the show interesting.

In case you already forgot, Patricia Velasquez was the one to go last week for her failure with the branding at the Crystal Light event. Dayana Mendoza is sad to have her one ally leave. I loved that moment last week when Patricia told Dayana it was going to be okay in Spanish while they were both waiting to be called in with Donald.

At this point, Dayana is like this show’s Highlander. She refuses to die, no matter how badly Lisa Lampanelli wants her to go. Throughout this whole episode, Lisa is like a dog with a bone. She refuses to see any of Dayana’s positive qualities. It makes it so hard to root for Lisa when she just looks like a jealous hater.

Last night’s show featured two tasks: the first featured the teams making and selling celebrity guidebooks to New York, using a Toshiba tablet, or as I like to call it, not an iPad. The second task was for each team to create a 15 minute presentation and boxes on Walgreen’s new walking initiative.

We got new project managers for the first task: Teresa Giudice was project manager for the guidebook task and Dee Snider was task manager for the men’s team. Both of them were pretty hands-off. If there were any sources of drama for this episode, it once again came from Lisa and Aubrey. If Lisa is hard to root for due to her almost senseless rage towards Dayana, Aubrey became downright evil, especially during the second task when she butted heads against her new teammate Arsenio Hall.

But, back to the first task. Debbie Gibson was the sacrificed celebrity during the first task. Teresa’s one conflict as project manager was with Debbie, who rightly asked for direction on the women’s kiosk. At the boardroom, Teresa and Debbie got into it, with Teresa defending herself by saying that at this point, the team should know what to do with minimal direction. She has a point, but it did really seem like Teresa forgot they needed to design a kiosk to sell the guidebooks.

On the men’s team, it was sad to see Arsenio try to fund raise, but get ignored by his former celebrity friends. His friend and NBC pet Jay Leno promises to FedEx Arsenio a check. Both teams actually make it rain pretty hard with their fund-raising, Teresa has Juicy Joe come by the kiosk with donations from their friends. Does anyone think Melissa Gorga donated to Teresa’s efforts?

Anyway, in the boardroom, Debbie is fired and she’s visibly pissed off. The world’s most famous elevator attendant even smirks as Debbie storms off after she’s fired. The fact that Debbie was fired and Aubrey (who fundraised the least amount of money) was kept, feels really producer-driven to me. If the task was about who made the most money, then clearly Aubrey should have left, based purely on numbers. But, she and Dayana live to see another day.

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Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice was sponsored by Crystal Light, a drink I’m pretty sure is only purchased by dieting women. In fact, the first true reaction anyone had to the announcement of this week’s sponsor, was by Aubrey O’Day ,who gushed that the low-calorie drink helped her lose weight.

Apparently, Crystal Light is attempting to cash in on Bethenny Frankel’s lady drinker gravy train and has created a line of drinks inspired by cocktails. This week’s assignment for our celebrities was to each throw a fabulous launch party for two of the drinks: Peach Bellini and Pomtini. Immediately, I thought that Teresa Giudice was a natural choice for project manager. Not only has she thrown several huge parties on Real Housewives of New Jersey, but she actually has a line of (alcoholic) Bellini’s on the market.

Instead, Aubrey took the job for Forte. No one mentioned it on the show, but I really feel disappointed that Teresa didn’t step up on this task. Is her strategy simply just to coast? Clay Aiken talking heads that Aubrey is a natural for this task, because “Aubrey popped right out of her momma’s chotch and started grabbing on to the stripper pole.” Clay Aiken: hilarious! Who knew?

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The two-hour long Celebrity Apprentice is finally starting to feel like its actual running time and not like slow torture. Why is this show so long? How Donald Trump managed to buy two hours on NBC during one of the best nights on television is incredible. Anyway, the show is finally starting to pick up!

The task last night was to create a “viral video” and presentation for O’Cedar’s new “Pro Mist Mop.” Finally there is a task where everyone is on equal ground, as I doubt any of these celebrities had either seen or touched a cleaning implement in a very long time. Donald Trump and the O’Cedar suits meet up with the teams at the gorgeous New York Public Library and decide on project managers.

Lou Ferrigno steps up as men’s project manager and Tia Carrere steps up for the ladies. They both kinda have to after their boardroom appearances last week and complaints about not being used. Time to walk the talk!

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This season’s cast on Celebrity Apprentice is set to give us what should be some epic on-camera brawls (although they were quite well-behaved in their premiere last Sunday). Already, gossip is spreading about the news of on-set antics and rivalries between cast members.

First up, delicate Italian wall-flower Teresa Giudice of Real Housewives of New Jersey reportedly blew up at husband Joe Giudice when he was partying with some of her fellow cast members while she was hard at work. According to the report, Teresa was heard yelling “You’re a cheater!” The insider adds, “Teresa has a hair-trigger temper and her ‘street-hood side’ comes out when she gets agitated.” You don’t say!

But, it turns out, it was all innocent. The source explains: “That’s what happened when she thought she’d ‘caught’ Joe with one of the show’s gorgeous female contestants. “It turns out that he’d been hanging out with some castmembers behind the scenes during filming. Joe had been drinking and he was acting like a fool when Teresa thought he was hitting on one of the women.”

To be fair to Tre, there have been multiple reports in the press of Joe’s alleged girlfriends from family friend Davana Medina to the infamous Tara G from several years ago. So, it’s understandable the easily-provoked Teresa would get upset to see Joe being friendly to the likes of Aubrey O’Day and Dayana Mendoza. The source says Joe’s behavior was typical, “He fancies himself a ladies’ man, so it’s not hard to figure that he’d flirt with the women on the show.”

Unsurprisingly, the women of Celebrity Apprentice were less than impressed with the married father of four whose legal and financial battles have played out extremely publicly in the past few years (can we say baggage?). The source clarifies what was actually going on, saying “None of them want anything to do with Joe. Although they were polite, they kept him at arm’s length. Teresa doesn’t have a thing to worry about as far as her ‘Apprentice’ rivals go. But she’s a hothead.”

Well, we can’t argue with that. This is the woman who shoved her boss into a chair on national television. So, we’re interested to see what she’ll have to say the next time she runs into fellow housewife Vicki Gunvalson of Real Housewives of Orange County. Vicki, in case you forgot, is a business woman and is very, very successful. Therefore, she is pissed she was not invited to share her knowledge (and sign everyone up for Coto Insurance) and appear on Celebrity Apprentice.

Vicki Tweeted, “How did Theresa get on Apprentice and I didn’t? She has never even owned a business? How the heck did she get chosen? I mean ‘REALLY?!’ Who would like to me up against Donald Trump?”

What’s even more amusing is a few tweets later, she completely backtracked and changed her tune, tweeting to one of Teresa’s fans, “Of I love you Theresa! No I’m not against the betterment of women. I’m all about it! I’ll b watching.”

And, continuing our tour of the strong women of this cast, our final story is the apparent war of words between Victoria Gotti and comedian Lisa Lampanelli. In an interview with Rob Schuter, Victoria blasts Lisa: “It was bad. I’m telling you, I would have rather taken eight Star Jones than one Lisa Lampanelli. I think everyone on that show would agree with me. She wanted this at all costs and let everyone know it.”

She detailed one incident where Lisa got particularly aggressive, “One girl had the nerve to speak up and said, ‘I’m just confused. Let us know who is the taskmaster who is running things,’ then Lisa breaks down and starts screaming at everybody.”

Never one to back down, Lisa had this to say about Victoria: “Victoria Gotti is lazier than Paris Hilton’s left eye.”

A new episode of Celebrity Apprentice airs tonight on NBC at 9/8c.

TELL US: ARE YOU SURPRISED JOE WAS FLIRTING WITH TERESA’S CAST MATES? DO YOU THINK VICKI SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON CELEBRITY APPRENTICE INSTEAD OF TERESA? WOULD YOU RATHER BE ON A TEAM WITH VICTORIA GOTTI OR LISA LAMPANELLI?

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