Oh Lisa Vanderpump – you saucy minx! I see your redemption campaign, smiling blithely, supremely feigning ignorance to any possible schemes, handing Dorit Kemsley a mirror and instructing her how to amputate her nose to spite her face, defending the maligned, innocent Kim Richards… I think Ms. LVP missed her calling in politics!
Last night had a tricky little moment between LVP and Dorit, didn’t it? Dorito had descended from her Nacho Cheese Delusions and spent the entire episode getting into my good graces, and also the good graces of Lipsa and Eileen Davidson, but in the last few moments, as if a switch was flipped, she all of a sudden turned a bit vituperative. Seeming to plant, to a scandalized, yet dismissive LVP that Lipsa is carrying around baggies of drugs. Now, before LVP could start alerting the police, Dorit was quick to add, as an afterthought that, the pills were “mostly” vitamins.
I already disliked the word “panties,” but after the (way too drawn out) pantygate story line on this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I feel like if I never hear it ever again it wouldn’t be enough for me. I am hoping that after Dorit Kemsley’s apology tour that she is really done with talking about Erika Jayne’s lack of undies and her various “misunderstandings” with Lisa Rinna and Eileen Davidson. I just want something new to happen in the next episode.
I am so over the repetitive nature of RHOBHthis season. I need an actual story line to watch. After many seasons of multiple plots per episode, the fans were subjected to the horrible Season 6 centered all around Munchausen accusations. This season is a teeny bit better, but we need new things to go down in the upcoming episodes and no more mentions of drama that has already been overly discussed.
Really Vanderpump Rules has come down to a Fund-Rager and a contrived roast of Jax Taylor, which coincidentally happened while Brittany Cartwright‘s extra-crispy mama is in town? It’s so contrived. All of it. And it really frosts my lipstick.
But first, it’s Tom 1‘s party and everyone will cry if they want to, cry if they want to – you would cry too if these friends happened to you! The boys really got the birthday shafts, didn’t they – the girls got trips to Montauk and NASCAR, and they get made fun of and forced to do charity work. HA.
Well, Tom turned an indeterminate shade of 30 and celebrated not by raising awareness for himself or his attuned and wrinkle-free skin, but by inviting all of his friends to donate their easily-earned money to charity. Kristen Doute brought her crisp $20, handed it to the collection emcee and announced that now she has full-license to be bad for all eternity in exchange for this one good deed. Jax didn’t have that luck – his card was declined when he tried to give a measly $100. His karma, as always, remains, in despair.
Since being blackballed it’s been a very rough few years for Cedric – he’s lost Lisa’s friendship, and many other friends, and gained a bad reputation, which he says was based on a lie. Cedric spoke with Kate Casey on her Reality Life podcast and opened up about the drama with Lisa, provided some illuminating tidbits about how Reality TV works, and shared what he’s up to now.
I may not agree with everything, but I think Cedric came across with humility and self-reflection. It’s interesting stuff. Below is his story:
I know a lot of Vanderpump Rules viewers love to hate on Jax Taylor, but I really feel like his antics make the show. He is certainly not a beacon of morality – but who would want to watch a reality TV show about someone who makes the right decisions all the time? I definitely wouldn’t. That’s why I absolutely loved the ridiculous things Jax said in a recent interview about all of the key players and plot points on Vanderpump Rules.
Jax could not be politically correct even if he tried, so I’m happy that he didn’t hold back when he was asked about the girl that he supposedly impregnated from Season 1, why he cheated on Stassi Schroeder, and his relationship with Brittany Cartwright. He even talked about how he would hook up with his boss Lisa Vanderpump. Say what you want about Jax, but the man constantly delivers entertainment. Jax delivered gem after gem after gem. If you are easily offended, do not read past this point.
About Eileen, Lisa writes, “Well once again, Eileen raises the issue of another woman being manipulated by my good self. I find it rather amusing that she would perpetually, backhandedly compliment me, just by virtue of the fact that I have these extraordinary powers, but also patronizes other women by insinuating they are guilty of being feeble-minded weaklings with no opinions of their own.”
I regret to inform you that last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills was, once again, all about Kim Richards‘ sobriety. At least we got to see some Erika Jayne side-boob this time though – to cover all the bases of Housewives anatomy. Honestly I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than pantygate.
The story of Kim is a sad one indeed. In fact, Kim and Kyle Richards‘ life reminds me of a book I read – a memoir written by Jack Kerouac’s daughter about her adolescence and early adulthood. I initially read it in high school and was jealous of her free-spirited life and her mother who let her do whatever she wanted; she could party, stay out all night, etc. I re-read the book in college and that time I was sad that she had zero guidance or stability.
So, do we think Brittany Cartwright‘s mama is going to be successful in her quest to get Jax Taylor into a church?! If so, will the holy water turn him into liquefied jelly – or will he start speaking in tongues?! Oh wait, he already does… Yes, an exorcism must be done on Vanderpump Rules, but shockingly, Jax isn’t the one who needs it. OK, maybe he does, but not as bad as some people…
So let me tell you a little story about a Three-Headed SheBeast named KriStasstie – if that sounds like a very weird food served in an eastern European prison, or a disease you probably do not want to contract from a monkey, well, it’s not far off.
This is the story about three women who have absolutely NO IDEA how unimportant their opinions are, and their self-aggrandized delusions about their amazing friendships are, well, sad. Really sad. Thank goodness we have the ‘boyfriend stealing’ Ariana Madix, of the dewy mermaid skin and evil eye to put them in their place. And their place is out by the dumpsters at SUR. Who knows…they may even be puking in them.