After a rather drama-free season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, it’s not surprising that the secrets revealed last night were less than exciting – and had mostly to do with teenagers behaving badly and the mothers who worry about them.
Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave‘s husband Edwin is giving Mauricio a run for his money in the real estate game! Either that or Edwin’s been watching Million Dollar Listing for some advice on how to win a bidding war on multi-million dollar homes, because after stalking the builders of his neighbor’s house, he badgered, harassed, and harangued them into taking $2 million less for the property just to get rid of him. They need security for the security guy!
Teddi is thrilled with the new home – at a discount price. Not so successful was Edwin’s buying a new Lambo with the money he saved. Teddi does not like things that go fast unless they’re one night stands which lead to the altar. Or cardio classes. And horsepower belongs on four-legged friends with mane and tail.
Um, I wouldn’t pay $2.99 to fulfill my husband’s midlife crisis, let alone $299,000. Edwin is a lucky guy!
I know we’ve all referred to the stars of Vanderpump Rules as “Vanderpump Fools” but you know, if the condom fits! Happily some of these people have taken the tentative steps towards adulthood, however most of them are still mixing reiki with booze and wondering why their back hurts.
On part 2 of the reunion, Jax Taylor continued to be confused about, well, everything. Lala Kent defined feminism and her finances, and Katie Maloney cried about how amazing Tom Schwartz is. Regardless of how flawed it may be, it’s nice to finally see these two happy – especially considering how unhappy their wedding was!
She didn’t wear panties during one episode and it became the focal point of her second season and she went toe to toe with “villain” Dorit. For the most part, the fandom sided with Erika, but her third season was a whole different situation. She snapped at new girl Teddi Mellencamp Arroyaveafter she accused Erika of having “pretend amnesia,” but it wasn’t the first time the fans saw Erika lose her cool. She unleashed on close friend Eileen Davidson in Hong Kong for no reason. Short story long, Erika definitely lost her universal appeal with the fandom. So what does this mean for her future on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Is she done with the show?
Last night was part 3 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. Which means this season of interminable squabbles about protocol and etiquette at the queen’s court of public opinion, an unintentional farce from the court jester, is over. Thank you Dorit Kemsley for your tragicomic contributions to Reality TV – we salute you with a beer stein filled with cheap champagne.
So last night the ladies of Beverly Hills trotted out their plethora of headache-inducing shiny dresses for the last time to bicker over such impotent social slights as who talks about themselves the most (the answer: always and forever Kyle Richards) and the definition of a liar. For the record, I really dislike recapping reunions. It’s like following a verbal tennis game and I always want to activate closed captioning on my TV to catch all the shady little barbs, except I don’t actually know how to turn that on. Maybe that’s a good thing?
Last night kicked off the Vanderpump Rules reunion and the main topic on the agenda were all the horrible relationships (what else?) floating like backwash in the half-drunk cocktails at SUR. From Tom Sandoval‘s gripes that Lisa Vanderpump doesn’t take him seriously as an entrepreneur and restaurant designer, to the many, many delusional thoughts of Scheana Marie Shay Famewhorini and her ROBsession.
Jax Taylor was on an emotional roller coaster, which wasn’t too different from Jax Taylor-coaster we’ve seen all season, except instead of depending on reiki master Kelsey to feel up his feelings, he was actually mourning the death of his father. Through his tears, Jax describes it as the worst thing that’s ever happened to him but the loss made him realize what an impossible mega-douche he’s been to everyone since, oh, time infinitum. It’s like someone held the evil stepmother’s mirror up to Jax and showed him the truth! That person was not Stassi Schroeder, shockingly.
Thankfully Season 8 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hillsis almost over. It is beyond me how they managed to drag out the discussion of this painfully boring season into a three-part reunion, yet here we are: one episode away from putting this god awful season behind us.
This season has been downright dreadful. Essentially nothing has happened, yet the loyal fans are still here finishing it up watching the reunion episodes. Now Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave is commenting on her tension with Dorit Kemsley– over glassware and tardiness.
Is there a reason the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion is three parts? A good portion of last night was more footage of the ladies doing lunch, albeit backstage where they continued talking about each other’s low-level dramas.
As much as I enjoy watching Lisa Vanderpump sitting around in her bathroom eating salad while counseling DoritKemsley through perceived slights against Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave, it’s evident that this was filler so Bravo could bilk another episode out of the rather lackluster reunion. I’m in the minority, apparently, in not minding that the drama was mostly surface and petty – it’s a nice breather from such heavy seasons about substance abuse and serious family dysfunction (I mean I love that too), but I certainly think they could’ve gotten away with a two-part reunion.