Yesterday we celebrated a day of extreme national significance. A day that brings attention to the very important cause of narcissism and immaturity. It was Stassi Schroeder's birthday and if I had a dollar for every time I heard that on Vanderpump Rules last night…
Stassi has invited everyone she hates and semi-likes to celebrate her birthday. She invited Scheana Marie in the six seconds they liked each other, but now she regrets it. She did not invite Jax Taylor, so he invited himself. Hey – I'd invite myself on a Vacation by Bravo, too!
Every 15 seconds Stassi gets out her bullhorn and police baton to announce its her birthday and demand people have fun her way or else she'll beat them. This continues throughout the entire episode…
Before leaving,Lisa Vanderpump takes Peter Madrigal out for tea. Peter admits he's going on the trip for the free booze and for the opportunity to laugh at these people. And there will be girls in bikinis too. Lisa seems hesitant to let him go – her only decent employee!
Things picked up at SUR where Brandi Glanville and Joyce Giraud were bickering up a storm about everything. If you could interpret through the litany of F-bombs and hair flips you might have heard Joyce tell Brandi she needs rehab.
All of the sudden Brandi starts tearing up and claims she just really misses her dog and needs to leave. She flees the table under the protective lemon force field of Yolanda Foster. So, now Brandi is blaming all her of her maltreatment of Joyce on a dog? I thought Kim Richards got the dog storyline this season?
Back at the table Joyce is unsympathetic. While Lisa Vanderpump and Ken try to smooth it over, Joyce snaps that Brandi shouldn't act like a "stupid little bitch" if she doesn't want people to confront her. Amen, Joyce, amen. Yolanda returns and is all "but Brandi is very sad". She's having a hard time. Lisa, visibly stressed out, calls for dessert – emotional eating time!
Interestingly none of the parties in question tweeted about being at SUR, or posted any photos. And given Brandi and Lisa Vanderpump's very public falling out, it's kind of surprising they'd hit up Lisa's restaurant!
Maybe they were hosting a dinner party from hell where they all confront Lisa about being too awesome and classy with Jeff there to mediate?!
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE PHOTOS!
She's either changed her tune after viewing episodes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or she realized during filming that Brandi Glanvillewas a trashy trainwreck. I think it's a combination of both. After chastising Joyce Giraud for defending herself during this week's dinner party, which she calls a "fiasco", Lisa is now acknowledging the error of her ways.
"This week, when I was talking to Ken in the rose garden (I have to say one of my favorite tasks), I explained to him that I was coming to the slow realization that my chastising Brandi was of no use," Lisa shares in her Bravo Blog. "It was pretty redundant in its outcome. It was also having ramifications on our relationship. The playful banter had taken a different direction."
As the evolution in her relationship with Brandi continued, Lisa realized some other things as well.
I hate to compare Shahs of Sunset'sLilly Ghalichi to Elle Woods because I LOVE Elle Woods, but, like, ohmigosh, what would you do if she were your attorney? I'm not saying Lilly isn't a bright gal, but my goodness, the vapidness!
She's clearly got some business sense since she has her own line of swim wear and eyelashes (hey, at least it's not a common workout video!), and now Lilly apparently has a new man, too!
I have to say Jax Taylor was on fire last night with his one-liners. Is the dumb male model thing an act? Nah… I think Lisa Vanderpump was feeding him lines.
Lisa tasks a select bunch of SURvians with hosting a very special elite dinner party filled with important guests. I don't know why she was acting like the over-botoxed trashboxes of RHOBH are anyone special, but I guess she gets paid to act accordingly.
Working with your friends is fun – except when your friends don't act like friends! Tom is all pissy-panties that Jax has been spreading rumors that he hooked up with Ariana in Vegas three years ago. Tom complains that Jax gossips and lies about his friends but then apologies. Basically Jax is male version of Stassi then?
Aaaahhh… Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. There comes a time in every recappers tenure when she is just beyond blown away by what appeared before them on the screen. And taking one's mother-in-law to Hustler and grinding on them has knocked me over.
Carlton Gebbia takes her hubby David along with her mother-in-law to Hustler to choose lingerie for her "playroom". Listen – I mean the storyline is gross as is, but you couldn't pick a classier place than Hustler?
Carlton is like thongs – no big – my mum-in-law has pulled babies out my vagina. Then she proceeds to educate MIL on what "DTF" means and huffs the F— word in the ladies face like she's going to vampire her. This is a preclude to the main event where Carlton puts on a teeny-tiny bikini and drops it like it's hot on her MIL's lap. Apparently her MIL accepts Carlton because David loves her. David needs inpatient therapy.