Just when you think the twists on Vanderpump Rules can't get any twistier – they do! Now the entire plotline is like one of those loop-de-loop straws where you go cross-eyed trying to watch the liquid wind through the twists and curves. It sure makes for exciting TV, though!
Things begin with the annual SUR photoshoot. The theme is always endless summer because what is SUR if it's not attractive near-naked people doing Vegas-y things, which is what everyone wants near their food.
Kristen Doute is not participating because she's practically fired for her antics last week and the week before and the week before… and basically since the land before time. Lisa Vanderpump really doesn't care if Kristen bangs Jax Taylor, but she better not bring her hoochie drama into Lisa's restaurant. Lisa has lines, and although those lines are twistier and blurry-er than a bendy straw, they are there.
Lisa's other concern, besides Kristen's behavior, is Jax's lack of remorse over the entire thing. He's at the photoshoot flaunting his pecs and bragging about how the male modelizer is baaack baby! Not quite. True Fact: I remember seeing Jax in Vogue in days of yore. It sure is a shame that he has destroyed his looks. He should just get on with his inevitable destiny of marrying Lindsay Lohan and having some trainwreck reality show starring Dr. Drew Fakesy.
Last night Carlton Gebbia really let the witch out of the bag – flying broomsticks, evil spells, creepy crystal floral talismans and all!
Kyle Richards andLisa Vanderpump are friends-ish again. Well at least for the sake of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills purposes. Since Ken and Mauricio truly are friends, Kyle and Lisa decide to get together with Kevin Lee (!!) to throw a joint birthday party. Oh Kevin Lee… let's discuss what's going on atop your head: part Brillo pad, part tasered porcupine: too much hair gel, mmmkay.
As Lisa and Kyle divvy up the guest list Kyle gets all porcupiney – she just wants to know why there's gotta be teams allocating who invites whom.
UGH – let's just take a moment to discuss Kyle. Listen, Kyle was annoying me the whole episode: she kept making her little snarky comments, making everything into a bigger deal than it was, and sneaking in shade while acting like everything was fine – basically she was Splits-ing. But then CARLTON! Snarlton… SNARLTON with her Wicked Witch of The Valley complete with California Raisin face had to go all wicca-wacka and made me feel bad for Kyle. There's more to Kyle's witchiness than her fondness for flowing robes, but compared to Snarlton, Kyle is a sweet innocent.
"Mostly, they bum around Los Angeles sleeping with each other’s partners, drinking too much and squabbling endlessly, but at the end of the day, they’re all just lost kids with failed dreams who work in the service industry and happen to be trailed by a production crew."
This line is from a recent Time article, and may I say that it's pure genius and totally accurate. That's right, we're getting high-brow up in here! The piece is on the crew from Vanderpump Rules and seeks to explain viewers' fascination with mean girl Stassi Schroeder, man whore Jax Taylor, and the rest of Lisa Vanderpump's attractive SUR minions. It's certainly my guilty pleasure and last night's finale was everything I hoped for and more!
During an appearance on WWHL, a caller asked Lisa if she thinks she mothers Brandi like she does the Sur staff. Lisa confessed, "Guilty as charged. Absolutely. I do feel Brandi was struggling and I really wanted to help her because I loved her."
Andy asked Lisa if she knew it was bugging Brandi, "I did eventually. That's why I kind of backed off because I thought I was damned either way. But I did really care about her."
Lisa Vanderpump and Jax Taylor were Andy's guests tonight on Watch What Happens Live. Jax shared that this was his first time watching the explosive season finale of Vanderpump Rules and he finally feels some remorse for sleeping with his best friend's girl.
Lisa shared her take on tonight's episode, "I found it so disconcerting. I'm so upset with him still. " Andy asks if there's anything that he did or said that irritated her on tonight's episode, "Everything he said really pissed me off but the one thing is when he said 'you came twice sweetheart' to Kristen." Lisa proceeded to smash a breakaway bottle over Jax's head (Andy provided her with a box of them..). "No remorse. That's what I'm saying."
Jax shared that he DOES feel bad NOW. "We watched the episode together and after seeing it and watching myself on there, it was hard to watch. I really feel like a piece of shit."
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Whenever there's a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills situation, there's a zillion versions of the same story. For people who live most of their lives ON CAMERA one might hope for more accurate records of what happened!
"Regarding the Yolanda painting party, it was a bit of a fiasco. Yes, she was right when she said I didn't tell her. I told the people that sent invitations for Yolanda. A car wasn't sent for me," Lisa writes in her Bravo blog. "They were well aware that I had a meeting at city hall in order to obtain permits for my new venture."
"That is my reality, having to work all hours that God sends right now with little time, except at weekends to indulge in afternoon parties. I am trying to arrange my life so I soon will have the time to be a little more indulgent."