Last night on Vanderpump Rules we were treated to Stassi Schroeder's deployment of a new identity and further examples of her meteoritic dissension into crazy fameho of monstrous (monster being the operative word!) proportions.
Apparently no one at Sur ever leaves Sur. It's a vortex of incest or something and I am deeply concerned for the safety of their public restrooms. I would advise our poor Lisa Vanderpump to make STD tests mandatory among the staff. It is a matter of public health. Call the CDC, peeps! And get these souls on match.com – they need to date in the outside world!
So Stassi has left Jax Taylor for Frank. And Jax has a sit-down at the Barbie mansion-come-to-life known as Lisa's house to piteously cry about his egregious behavior in Vegas. For shame, these waxed and buffed specimens parading as menz took their shirts off and pretended to fight. That fighting was reminiscent of a New Kids On The Block video! And Jax still loooorves dear Stassi Staph Infection, but knows he must release her into the wilds.
Last night while watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I came to an important realization. I now understand why these women never eat and how they manage to stay so thin. If every time you sat down at a dinner table a massive fight broke out wouldn't you have dinner-induced trauma and be reduced to guzzling wine instead? They probably all go home and stuff microwaved popcorn in their faces while standing over the kitchen sink and ruminating about the days before they sold their souls to Bravo. But hey – at least those size 2s fit!
Yesterday's episode was more of the same. Same arguments, same players, same storyline, same snarky recapper wanting to hurl things at the screen. It started out OK, as it always seems to, but then quickly degenerated into the congealed, fetid remains of last night's dinner. Even Yolanda Foster was reduced to drinking tequila.
Most of the girls were in Vegas watching in awe as Brandi Glanville's legs twined around a stripper pole and slid gracefully to the floor. "Welcome to Night School For Girls!" she announced popping up with 3/4 of her boob also popping out. Splits Richards makes an important mental note to have Mauricio hypnotized into thinking Brandi is a revolting, wretched, shit-stirring drama queen again. He must not fall under her spell!
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Night School 4 Girls sent us these great shots of Brandi Glanville, Lisa Vanderpump,Yolanda Foster, Jennifer Gimenez and more having some fun as they channel their inner stripper. From the site, "Real Las Vegas Showgirls teach women how to shimmy and shake like a pro. Learn the art of seduction, different pole dancing tricks and a burlesque routine with chairs and boas in the 70 minute, ladies–only class."
Are you looking forward to this week's episode? Are you prepared to see these ladies shakin' their groove thangs?
There has been much speculation as to whether or not Vanderpump Rules will be Bravo's next break-out show. And like it or love it (or despise it), the ratings are in and they have been consistently strong. In fact the fourth episode, which aired this past Monday, had viewership to rival Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!
1.67 Million viewers tuned into see Jax Taylor, the little sweater that could, and his spittle take down the queen, Stassi Schroeder at her Las Vegas birthday party. Compare that to RHOBH which earned 2.04 M viewers. Granted that's on the low end for RHOBH and viewership is traditionally higher, but for a break-out cable show VPR is doing preeeetty well!
Eager to capitalize on their new little starletts, Bravo has them working overtime. The cast taped a segment for The View yesterday (airing Friday) with HBICLisa Vanderpump to oversee their antics. Then they hit-up WWHL where they kept things anything but low-key! Some photos of their appearance on WWHL are below. Andy Cohen could not stop drooling, I might add!
If y'all thought former Real Housewives of New York starJill Zarinwas going anywhere, you'd be wrong. I personally think some network needs to introduce a show that follows Jill as she tries to claw her way back into reality television stardom kicking and screaming. I'd watch. Kidding, I'd just DVR it and watch it on a slow Sunday.
Jill, of course, is all about showing Bravo who is boss. Poor Andy Cohen. She's coming out guns blazing about what it would take to get her back in Bravo's good graces…and it's not much. Bless her heart.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules the battle for Stassi Schroeder's corroded heart continued. And it involved men brawling in the parking lot, thrown drinks, and lots of tears. Was I the only one laughing?
So Stassi is corralling her two best friends Kristen Doute and Katie Maloney (who finally got some airtime this week!) to go to Vegas for her 24th birthday. It's a tradition that every year on the eve of the most illustrious birthday of the year – almost more important that Baby Jesus' – Stassi begins her annual trek to the holy land. The mecca of debauchery, inappropriately abused sequins, and liquid splendor. And all hail queen Stassi of the golden hair and orange tan cause she is the chosen one. That's what she tells herself anyway. I'm still surprised she can find two people willing to vacation with her.
Apparently Stassi has A-List friends and B-List friends, all of whom are employees at Sur per her contract with Bravo and first she invites the A-Listers so they can be sure to waste their vacation days on her and get off work. Then when she's positive the B-Listers won't be able to score time off she pity invites them and then laughs when they feel bad declining. More champagne for her!