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Lisa Vanderpump

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What say we about Vanderpump Rules except that these girls are seriously a mess. How any of them can possibly have boyfriends is a straight-up mystery to me.

Taking a break from Stassi Schroeder's ridiculous Jax Taylor entanglement – albeit a brief six second break – we are treated to the terminally insecure and immature Kristen Doute on a girlfriend tantrum bender. 

Apparently everyone in LA is a part-time Sur employee and a maybe model/maybe hooker and they often live together and hook up. And sometimes when six degrees of Sur happens they run into each other at amateur staged for Bravo TV modeling shoots. Such would be the case with Kristen and boyfriend/concealer lover/musician/maybe hooker bedding Tom Sandoval.

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rhobh-recap-001Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills continued arguing, battling, passive-aggressively sniping, and being fake to each other. They all need some hobbies. 

Things begin back in the Moroccan restaurant of horrors. If you can imagine things got even more atrocious. As if Mauricio Umansky whining and shrieking at Brandi Glanville wasn't bad enough, then Taylor Armstrong started with the drunk histrionics. 

I think Camille Grammer said it best: "Taylor, nobody cares. We've already heard your story." This time Taylor's drunken syrupy gaze blurriedly turned towards Yolanda Foster who is apparently a bad, bad, bad person because she's married to a rich man and doesn't act like an ass every single minute. Maybe Taylor should do master cleanse. It can't hurt and it's probably better than the wine cleanse she's been doing for the past couple years. 

Taylor makes some threats about how she knows what really goes on with David Foster as one her "best friends for twenty years" was married to him. She's referring to Linda Thompson. And if you recall when Taylor arrived at Yolanda and David's home the man married to one of her best friends for a zillion years had no idea who she was. It wasn't all wine and roses then either, was it Taylor. Well it was all wine… 

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RHOBH's Adrienne Maloof + Lisa Vanderpump & Ken Todd

Oh dear, it's not easy being Bravo's cutest dog! Lisa Vanderpump has been having difficulties with her youngest child Giggy as of late.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star tweeted: "Oh one stressful night with the gigster,sand up his nose from a run on the beach,4am trip to vet Thank u dr Robert Berschauer panic over.”

It appears Giggy is fine, but gave Lisa and Ken quite a scare no doubt. 

In other Lisa news, she took to her Bravo blog to discuss the Moroc-can't behavior of the girls last week. Lisa was equally appalled by the situation and impressed that Ken stood up for Brandi Glanville

"We are all meeting at a Moroccan restaurant, sans Adrienne [Maloof] and Paul [Nassif]. I had heard that they had removed themselves temporarily from our group. I had no idea where the individual relationships stood. I wondered if Kim [Richards] would be hauled over the coals for not having Chad's birthday at the Palms, but maybe she had a pass!" BUUUURN!

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Peter Thomas apparently doesn't want any competition for BarOne – even it if is in a totally different state. The Real Housewives of Atlanta househusband was eating at Lisa Vanderpump's famous restaurant with Cynthia Bailey over the weekend and apparently there was some drama!

Sur, which is the subject of Lisa's spinoff Vanderpump Rules, is portrayed as sexy and sophisitcated, but according to Peter it's "ghetto." While eating there he took to twitter to level some complaints! 

“@LisaVanderpump I'm at #sur right now and it's ghetto. Two sheriffs just walked in to arrest a white woman,” Peter complained. “This is definitely happening rt now & I'm loving every min of it. Just shows u can be in any neighborhood & this stuff happens. Not bashing,” he added. 

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It would appear that the dinner party dramas of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills aren't going anywhere soon. Maybe they should just stay home and cook from now on? Oh, what am I saying – we love this nonsense!

Still in disbelief over Kyle Richards' latest dinner debacle newest girl on the block Marisa Zanuck says the most annoying person at the party wasn't Mauricio Umansky, but Taylor "Drunken Lips McGee" Armstrong. Girl, I am right. there. with. you. Can we get a zipper for those things?

Marisa said she went to the party expecting a fun and enjoyable evening, but she's never watched this show or something and forgot where she was going. Marisa confesses she was shocked to learn Adrienne Maloof was suing Brandi Glanville – and she defends her friend Brandi as being in a "vulnerable" place. Marisa was equally shocked to see everyone leap in to offer their unsolicited opinion on the matter. 

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Being Jax Taylor is a difficult thing. Being Jax Taylor means swatting away desperate hoards of single women grasping at you like vampires fighting over a corpse. Being Jax Taylor means everyone wants to get you drunk and force you to attend parties with them. Being Jax Taylor means all the guys idolize you. And being Jax Taylor means you are dating Stassi Schroeder which is a whole separate problem of its own. But at least she's hot and lets you crash at her place for free, right?!

Last night on Vanderpump Rules, Jax learned that if he doesn't want to buy his own TV and get his own place, he better listen to Mama Stassi and grow up or sleeping in his car won't be a choice, it will be a lifestyle. Apparently grown ups aren't male models, either. Hasn't Stassi seen Zoolander? #BlueSteel

At 33, Jax is a former big thing in the world of male modeling but as he is no longer quite so young and pretty he's become kind of a small thing. However he doesn't seem bothered by this and seems content to sling drinks at Sur. Jax admits it's impossible to grow up when you're him and suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome. Which doesn't sit well with his ever-patient, ever-loving Swedish Princess Stassi. Poor Jax – I mean it's hard to be dumb as a box of rocks and have a gasoline fight with your fellow male model friends while the camera rolls and the Le Tigre pout schmoozes the lens. 

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Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is brought you by Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors." And it also confirmed two things I've long suspected: 1) Househusbands are like fleas when it comes to the series; unwelcome guests that just annoy the hell out of us and should stay home (I'm looking at you, Mauricio "Maurice" Umansky) and 2) One should never, ever, ever attend a party thrown by Splits Richards. Lets just all stick to parties at Yolanda Foster's from now on. I mean, Babs might attend! 

Things begin with Scheana Marie Famewhore putting on her best "I feel so sad and ashamed" face that she's been practicing in the mirror for weeks in anticipation of her big ol' TV debut. Unfortunately Scheana feels about as bad about squashing Brandi Glanville's marriage as she did squashing the spider she found in her bathroom last week. 

Brandi, on the other hand, is still totally not over Douche King Eddie Cibrian and she narrows her eyes looks right at Scheana and hisses that he's probably cheating on ol' crazy noodles LeAnn Rimes right now. Scheana's eyes get wide, she starts to look nervous, and then Brandi – all 35 feet of her – stands up, looks down at her and breezes out. Scheana does a quick vital signs assessment, realizes she's in one piece, and then runs out as fast as her shaky legs can carry her. 

Brandi breezes into the Office de Vanderpump for a counseling session and a glass of much needed rosé. I need rosé on tap too. Lisa Vanderpump – hook a girl up! 

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Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!

Above: Shahs of Sunset star Asa Soltan Rahmati: I designed this 22K head piece. You guys like it? #persianpoppriestess #shahs

Below you’ll find Twitter pics from Cynthia Bailey, Melissa Gorga, Jessica Canseco, Lisa VanderpumpPadma Lakshmi, Joanna Krupa, and more.

Photo Credit

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