Things begin at Carlton's house, which looks like it sits in an abandoned lot outside the airport. There's no landscaping which sucks if you're inviting a zillion people to a daytime pool party in JULY. I know why Carlton's skin looks like a dehydrated orange peel!
The whole theme of this party is "Americana" except… all the decorations came from Hustler and Carlton wore a sequined bikini from a 1992 Victoria's Secret catalog. And there were no shade tents – we Americans really like covered pavilions. Carlton ships her kids away to their grandmother's and warns them she may embarrass them, which is the understatement of Carlton's appearance on this show. Everything she does is embarrassing!
Bachelor couple Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici were married last night in a live Bachelor Wedding special on ABC. Sean cried. (a lot) I cried. (a little) Sean's father, Jay, officiated the ceremony. According to Catherine, "grown sexy" was the theme and "very romantic" was the mood.
Catherine looked stunning in her Monique Lhuillier gown!!
"One thing that reality television does give you is a thicker skin," Lisa shares. "I remember the first time something was written about me and it wasn’t true, I was so indignant and I burst into tears. I remember sitting in my restaurant thinking, ‘how could they?’ Now I’m like, ‘oh, whatever!’”
“It’s just all sensationalism, and then you read about it on Twitter and you just have to ignore it or make a statement, but for the most part it’s nonsense," Lisa tells Parade about tabloid drama and the back and forth on twitter.
Kim is able to forgive Brandi Glanville for calling her a meth addict on national TV and telling people she pooped on her pillow, but not forgive Lisa for decorum and the truth came out on twitter! Kim is now Brandi's friend and Brandi and Lisa are now NOT friends. In fact, according to the wisdom of Kingsley Kim, everything bad that has ever happened on RHOBH like in the history of the show is ALL LISA'S FAULT.
A viewer recently tweeted Kim warning her about trusting Brandi, stating: "Look what she did to Lisa." and Kim responded with, “What did Brandi do to her? I KNOW!! Brandi says stupid things things!! But … I PROMISE U!! EVERYTHING LISA DOES IS FOR A REASON!! …..NEVER JUST BECAUSE SHE LOVES ❤U" Basically it's the same old-same old "playing chess" nonsense that Kyle Richards has been spewing for ever.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules some girls got diamonds and some girls got called a c-u-next-tuesday near the loading dock in the back of a restaurant. Some girls have all the luck… and some girls, well, some girls bawl their eyes out next to the dumpster.
Kristen Doute's season-long crusade over Tom 1's cheating continued, but there was a twist! A big ol' twist. The twist was: after throwing a man-trum and berating Jax Taylor for lying and ruining his life, Tom 1 confessed that he did actually kiss Ariana in Vegas. Not behind the port-a-potty but in the pool of a low-rent hotel. Same difference!
Perhaps Tom 1 was undergoing electro-shock therapy and a in the course of rediscovering joy, he remember the blissful drunken kiss in a Vegas swimming pool under flashing lights that spelled out "Destiny". Or perhaps Kristen waterboarded him with gin mixed with Axe Bodyspray into confessing. Whatever the case, Tom 1 makes a liar of himself and Ariana too. But not Jax!
Ahhhhhh… Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where mothering is a crime against humanity because naturally that's the nanny's job. In Beverly Hills one also needs to be heavily armed and ready at any moment for home invaders. I'd be more worried about closet raiders, but you know if broke into Yolanda Foster's house I'd go straight for the Hermes belt collection. Just me?
We begin at Carlton Gebbia's house where she's hosting a party to promote naked girls. Carlton: the Playboy mansion you are not. Carlton's "nanny", who is never near children ever, which given her behavior is probably a good thing, helps choose exotic dancers to perform.
Carlton drones monotonously for the 400th time that she loves women. I am out of patience with this cougar-in-heat trying to be the Joe Francis of the middle-aged. I'm sure Carlton's daughters aren't embarrassed at allll to be seeing their mother's Sexford Wife shenanigans.
Brandi Glanville adopted a new dog named Buddy to distract her kids from Chica's disappearance. Brandi hates Buddy and complains that he wants to be near her. He peed on her bed – yeah that's annoying, but I'm sure Brandi has also peed on her bed in a drunken stupor.
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
True to form, good ol' Rambles meanders through her reactions to the episode.
First of all Kim tells us what an intimate and personal event Kimberly's party was. "I only invited a small group of only our closest friends and family," Kim writes. Which includes the entire RHOBH cast? "All the people that came are so special to me and have played a part of Kimberly and my lives."
"When I invited everyone, most people received evites and there were just a handful that I happened to invite myself — Lisa was one of those people," Kim writes. "I really was on the fence with who I wanted there. I had to consider the limited space and I did not want any problems or fighting on this very special night."