Last night on the Vanderpump Rules reunion, Stassi Schroeder accused Scheana Marie of being involved in a malicious plot to expose a self-pleasure sex tape Stassi made for an ex-boyfriend, who eventually passed it around at SUR. Stassi sure knows how to burn those bridges… The sex tape – thankfully – has never seen the light of day, but everybody wants MORE DETAILS! Here they are…
Apparently the “graphic 20 minute” tape features some alarming footage of Stassi “masturbating with a dildo,” reveals an insider who has seen the footage. “It was humiliating. It was passed around and everyone in the cast saw it.”
Stassi was devastated when she found out and asked Lisa Vanderpump for help in dealing with the matter. And Lisa leapt into action.
In fact, last night was awash in lost possessions. For instance, Stassi no longer has possession of Katie Maloney. Katie is officially out from under Stassi’s very busy self-pleasuring thumb. Naturally, Stassi doesn’t feel at all responsible since Katie is the one who “changed the rules” of their friendship by partying with the enemy.
Stassi tells Katie over and over again why Stassi is upset about all the things that happened to Stassi which were upsetting and hurtful to Stassi and Stassi’s feelings really matter a lot to Stassi who was really going through a lot of things that were terrible for Stassi. It was all”I! I! I!” at the Stassi Schroeder Whine-a-thon (wine not included)!
We’re all still reeling from that slap heard ’round Holland on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Amster-damn straight no one should ever lay a finger on the fabulous Lisa Vanderpump, even if it was supposed to be a joke! Can I be honest for just a moment though? While it was stupid and tacky and rude and childish, had it been anyone other than Brandi Glanville, everyone would probably find it funny. I’m no Brandi fan, but it seems like if you’re talking and joking about slapping each other, there is potential for a legen–wait for it–dary round of Slapsgiving. Sure, you could argue that no one besides Brandi would ever behave in that manner…and you’d be right. That said, Kyle Richards barely mentions it her recap of this week’s episode because she’s confused as to how Lisa Rinna and sister Kim Richards went from screaming and glass shattering to shopping buddies in the blink of an eye.
Kyle begins, “We pick up in Amsterdam where we left off last week. I had decided to just stay clear of Brandi, because we had enough problems so far and I knew the possibilities that awaited me if I were to continue engaging with her. The next day I went to visit Yolanda [Foster] in her room. While I appreciated her wanting me to fix things with Kim, it just is not that simple. It’s difficult to get advice from someone who really doesn’t have the complete story. Frankly, I wanted to try to enjoy my time in beautiful Amsterdam and I knew that trying to fix things on this trip was impossible. This ‘fight’ isn’t an isolated incident. There is way too much baggage to explain to someone that is not family. I think it’s hard for someone like Yolanda to understand not just wanting to ‘patch’ things up, because she and her brother have a fun, easy going relationship. They are very fortunate. That doesn’t mean Kim and I don’t love each other. I love my sister very much and wish things were different. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to take a step back.”
Lisa Vanderpump has capitalized in a huge way from joining Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. With one spinoff, Vanderpump Rules, a success and rumors that another spinoff for PUMP is headed to Bravo, Lisa is discussing how reality TV changed her life — for the better! Now that’s an statement we don’t often hear from reality stars…
Brandi Glanville is often wholly unpredictable, but on this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills her erratic behavior is leaving co-stars and former friend reeling. Lisa Vanderpump says she has officially had her fill and after Brandi slapped her – even though it was playful – she was done investing in their friendship.
Lisa wants it known, THE SLAP wasn’t hard but the intention behind it is what truly left her in shock – and it was the culmination of other factors which happened earlier in the day between herself and Brandi (which weren’t shown) that really upset her. “I was shocked, reeling,” admits Lisa. “I have never insinuated that it was that hard. I had a small scratch on my upper lip from her acrylic claws, but the strength of the slap was not the issue.”
Brandi starts by explaining that who you travel with can set the tone for the entire trip and she wasn’t having a good time with these ladies. “I think you can see that at this point of the trip I was just over it and wanted to be home with my family. I was really just phoning it in at this point and tired of the constant bickering, fakeness, hypocrisy, and overdone soap-opera dramatics.”
First, the problem with Brandi: Brandi takes everything too far – jokes, glasses of wine, involvement in other’s family matters. But when called out, she doesn’t own it – she projects outward, blaming, making baseless accusations; then is shocked when karma pays her retribution. Yes, Brandi is an unhappy, wounded woman who lacks self-esteem, but at what point – like say when you’re mid-40s and jacking up your face, your friendships, and your career beyond salvation – is it time to take ownership?
Instead, Brandi changes her friends, her addresses… Sadly, now that she and Kim have found each other all hell has broken loose – literally. I think poor Amsterdam needs to get the US Embassy to intervene! Visas revoked, bitches. And yank Yolanda Foster‘s too as payback – then make David pay a hefty fine to reinstate her access.
I’m running late today (as if that is not an affliction of everyday). I blame Kristen Doute. Or Jax Taylor – I truly vacillate between which one of the two is more whorerendous. See what I did there – it’s subtlety – which is something Vanderpump Rules is not known for. So let’s carry-on recapping this reunion.
Lots ‘o weird last night! Why Kristen’s makeup is suddenly making her look like a 48-year-old cougar? Perhaps it was sitting in the youthful glow of James Kennedy. Perhaps it was her dark soul emanating through her pores. You don’t believe me – it happened to Jax too. Take a look at season 1 Jax. Is that the same man you ask? I mean it could be… I wouldn’t put ‘zombie recreation Jax’ past the whodunits at Bravo.
Also, weird? Stassi Schroeder everything. So many unsaid things, so many allusions, so many not adding ups. We’re still dismantling the secrets of Tom 1 and Miami Girl; I don’t care – I want to know about the Super-Secret Life of Stassi Schroeder.