You know what they say about Splits? She's always got a leg up on a table the other ladies! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Kyle Richards is playing a delicate game of chess with old and new frenemies and making sure whatever she sees on an episode goes into her blog to make her the underdog. I will say that Lisa Vanderpump's edit isn't helping matters, but Kyle will never be the victim, no matter how chummy she gets with Brandi Glanville or whether she's able to prove that Yolanda Foster is a big fat liar!
In her Bravo blog, Kyle recaps the episode for us, and she starts off very tame. She begins, "Seeing Yolanda sick like that really makes one appreciate their health. You can see how weak she feels and hard that must be for a strong woman like Yolanda. Without the support and love of family it would be be so much more difficult to go through that. She is fortunate to have such strong support system," adding, "When Brandi was moving into her house and said she needed her mommy, I could SO relate! I always say that. Unfortunately, I don't have mine anymore but still always feel that. Brandi is so lucky to still have her mom and they seem to have a loving, fun relationship." Cue the violins!
Adriana claims Brandi Glanville gave her the scoop. Something Brandi confirmed on WWHL later that night. She also confirmed that Mo and Jo definitely cheated. Which of course caused a twitter storm of denial and outrage! Mo admits that he did cheat on Yo, but not with Jo. And Jo denies ever sleeping with Mo at all (yeah right!). Both called Brandi-wine a liar.
"Had nothing to do with our split.Stop this rumors. Friends for 10 years.U got to stop.yolanda never ever found us sleeping together," Mohamed tweeted, explaining that he didn't meet Jo until after his divorce from Yo.
Of course in the cold light of day and away from the fog of alcohol, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star seems to be regretting her all too candid admittance on someone else's behalf.
Stassi Schroeder is up to her same antics of systematically destroying everyone around her. ThankfullyVanderpump Rules favorite sociopath hasn't changed. Where are the proper authorities?
Last night Stassi cemented that Scheana Marie, briefly her friend, was once again her enemy. Stassi believes that Scheana is on an unrelenting quest to become her, to like BE Stassi. Which would mean Scheana also wants to be WITH Jax Taylor.
Speaking of Jax, I'd like to take an informal poll on how high we think his IQ is: 3? 8? Maybe 15 on a generous day? Despite being humiliated and constantly berated by Stassi he desperately wants her back. So desperately that he got a secret tattoo to prove his love. She maintains he isn't doing anything to earn her trust back except give her truly exceptional sex with lots of acrobatics and WWF maneuvers. #gag
Over at SUR things are still topsy-turvy. Strangely it's not decimating business so Lisa Vanderpump decides to install a new bar in the garden. With construction underway she now needs to find the perfect sexy bartender. Not Jax! Oh no – his crazy is old news slimy like fruit a couple days past the expiration date. Someone different… someone outside the incestuous cess pool. Someone like Katie Maloney's boyfriend Tom. Enter Tom 2.
Last night things were starting to settle in on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Everything that is except Carlton Gebbia who really cannot f–king deal with anyone and is over everything. Oh and Brandi Glanville's face – that's not settling either. She better watch it or she'll be turning into her arch-nemesis Adrienne Maloof!
Unfortunately the show began on a sour note. Poor Yolanda Foster is bravely taking us through her health journey battling Lyme Disease, which sounds horrible. I am seriously never going into the woods again. No, No, No!
Lemanda is undergoing surgery to remove a tube that sends antibiotics straight to her bloodstream and to celebrate she's doing a master cleanse instead of having a drink. I will never understand – pass me the alcohol! Gawd, do I sound like Brandi. #EpicFail. Even Yolanda's housekeeper is master cleansing and dividing all the lemonstrocity juice into a million Fuji bottles. Lemon does know how bad that is for the environment, right?
This season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the tables are turning for Lisa Vanderpump. Meaning no one likes her. Rumor had it the isolation and ostracization became so intense Lisa was threatening to quit the show! No amount of money could get me to hang out with Splits!
Lisa heartily denies the rumor, insisting. “If I quit, you will hear the words right out of my mouth or I have been fired.”
Furthermore she doesn't even know what she would quit, even if she wanted to! "There are all these rumors but there is nothing to quit. We are not in production — they don’t even start production until next year,” Lisaexplained to E! Online.
And Vanderfabulous is back with a vengeance! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Lisa Vanderpump is tired of being accused of being the secret mouthpiece of the 'loids, and can you blame her? If I had to drink every time Kyle Richards insinuated that Lisa's smiling joke delivery was really the most vicious insult ever, I would've passed out before the first episode was even half over!
In her Bravo blog this week, Lisa addresses the tabloid rumors that follow the ladies of Bravo to no end while hinting that she should have been more in tune to how concerned Kyle was about Yolonda Foster's alleged lie. She even manages to get in a few very veiled digs at Splits too, which I absolutely love. Is she throwing shade? It's so subtle I can't tell! Lisa begins with Kyle's Chamber of Commerce party, writing, "Kyle had asked me to cater an event for her. It isn't something we often do — to take our chef away from the restaurant. Transporting the food and staff is just too complicated to ever be worthwhile. While I am there, Kyle brings up the fact that there have been stories created about her being pregnant. I also mentioned that I had seen the articles about Mauricio cheating. I would prefer face-to-face to acknowledge them, and then in the same breath ridicule the constant nonsense that is often in these tabloids.
Aaaaahhhh Kyle Richards. Good ole' Splits, she obviously takes the lessons of Mean Girls' head bitchtress Regina George as gospel because she's starting off this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on the wrong Louboutin-clad foot!
Kyle admits that things with Lisa Vanderpump were rocky and she was anxious to once again try to work past their issues – until Lisa's Louboutin clad-food crossed the line! Lisa and Kyle had "not spoken since the Reunion last year" when they met in her kitchen to discuss the most illustrious parties to end all illustrious amazing parties: the Chamber of Commerce fete! All hail the great excitement capitulators in grey suits and one Kyle clad in a too-tight bumblebee dress!
"The accusations hurled at Mauricio were so offensive and calculated that there really wasn't anything to say. I said how I felt at the reunion and left it at that," Kyleexplains in her Bravo Blog.
"We have all had lies printed about us and we all know that when you are on a reality show and putting your lives out there this can happen. But we also know that the last thing we would want to do is bring it up to give these lies a platform and make us relive this again in six months — which is what I am having to do now."
I guess if we have to live in a world where attention seekers are rewarded for bad behavior and outrageous shenanigans, I may as well be entertained by them, right? And I definitely find Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Brandi Glanville to be, um, entertaining.
While Brandi's certainly not the reality star I'd want to hang out with on a regular basis (but should Theresa Caputo, Curtis Stone, orLisa Vanderpump feel so inclined…call me!), she is crass and sassy which are two of the characteristics I'm drawn to in friends. She isn't afraid to let it all hang out (literally…how could you forget this?) in the Twitterverse, her best-selling book, and now her online podcast aptly titled Brandi Glanville Unfiltered. Bravo breaks down her premiere episode where she shares several revelations ranging from taking a copycat Kim Kardashianbooty-bearing selfie to having high cholesterol from her diet.